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M88

Two years without the love of my life .....

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and I’ve only survived with my sanity intact because of my fight for justice for him.  My darling man, Gerry, loved me to bits and me him and he gave me a quality of life I would not have had, if not for him.  I’m glad I always made sure he knew how much I appreciated all he did to make my dreams come true.  It is 1.30 am, I’ve been looking at photos of the life we created together, I’ve had a good healing cry and as I don’t envisage getting much sleep tonight, rather than tell his death story, I’d like to share our love story with you.   

I was 38 and he 45 when we started seeing each other romantically.  We had both been raising our kids alone for years and would see each other when dropping our young sons, who were best buddies since starting school, off at each others homes for weekends.  I’d always take his lad camping and fishing and Gerry would do fun stuff like motor biking and go carting at his place with my lad.  I’d even have his lad to stay whilst he went out on the odd date - after getting together we’ve always laughed about that and I’m smiling about it now - on this, the second anniversary of his death :)   If he can read my thoughts, I know he’ll be smiling too :)   I had never thought of him in the romantic sense and when he declared his long held feelings for me on the phone one night, i was gobsmacked !  It took a while but we eventually had our first date camping and fishing - it didn’t take long for me to realise he was my kinda guy.  

I was raised on a small farm and had always itched for my own piece of land to run our horses on, rather than renting a paddock.   When Gerry and I felt we had a good, loving stable relationship and were confident our families would blend together successfully,  we sold our homes in town and bought 14 acres on the edge of town.  We all had a ball on that piece of land, each of us had space to pursue our interests.  All was awesome until his ex started putting her oar in.  It was like she couldn’t bear to see how happy her kids were and she did her best to spoil what we had.  We got through that unpleasantness and later when the kids were all doing their own thing, we bought more productive land in a different area.  I initially hand- raised bobby calves which I absolutely loved doing and it added to our finances.  It was hard physical work so I ended up accumulating a wee herd of 13 Jersey cows which I bred and trained for the lifestyle (homesteaders) market. I also mothered bobby calves onto the cows. I adorned my beautiful cows but I couldn’t have farmed without my darlings help. He was an engineer and worked in town but always gladly did the heavier work around the farm at the weekend and thoroughly enjoyed our lifestyle. 

I eventually had to give up farming due to my failing physical health, so we moved to the coast to enjoy living near the sea for a change. Again we had land but just 5 acres and ran a few sheep.   Gerry worked for a couple of years here in the village, before retiring at 65.  We sold the land and bought a wee house on a street that has the beach at the end of it. Sadly, we only got to have two years of retirement before he was tragically killed.  

He was a wonderful man. He was kind, caring and loving, would help anyone who needed a hand, had a great sense of humour but best of all - he loved me to bits.  We completed each other’s life.  He knew he was well loved.  He would have done anything to ensure my happiness and stayed as healthy as possible and now I am doing everything I can to ensure I get justice for him. 

Sadly, these two poems I found on the net, now tell our story. 

 

BFC489A9-2FCE-4257-9CD7-3055BC447479.jpeg.5fd3bfab73636cff26411ee8faecf932.jpeg 

 

FB8A4550-11B2-43A4-BEF1-F7A23BBFBE08.jpeg.6b5d6f4a7d8161bd4ba6585ac8afde85.jpeg

 

 

 

 

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M88

What a beautiful story of the loved you shared about your Gerry; because we are hurting so, many of us will concentrate on the death and not the love; you did and I commend you on that.  I lost my Charles of 45 years a little over a year ago and didn't know how I could go on without him.   There have been many people throughout my life whom I've lost and Charles was always there to lift me up from the low I was in.  Now that he is gone (that still sounds strange to say),  I don't have that someone to pull me up and that makes me so very sad; however I remember all the good times Charles and I had together, the love, the laughter, how we pulled together through hard times and most of all the feelings we shared with one another - no one and nothing will ever change that.  I've learned that when you get to the end of your lives together, the house you had won't matter, the cars you drove wont' matter, the things you possessed won't matter; what will matter is the loved you shared for one another and that you had him and he, you.

The greatest gift you can give someone is love and I am so glad that Charles knew how much he was loved before leaving this world.  And me, being with a man who loved me until the day he left this world is comfort to my soul and when we meet again (and we will), the love will continue for all eternity.

 

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M88,

Thank you for sharing your love story, it is beautiful and always wonderful to reflect upon.  I've been thinking today of our own love story, we were both in our 40s when we met, George was two years younger than me and loved to tease me about it.  It's as if we both had this empty spot inside of us that filled the day we met, first as friends, then, as he put it, friendship that grew wings.  :)

Francine,

I'm glad you had your Charles for the time that you did.  It is never easy to lose them, we could be married 100 years and it wouldn't be enough, that's why I'm glad we have eternity to look forward to sharing with them.

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56 minutes ago, KayC said:

Francine,

I'm glad you had your Charles for the time that you did.  It is never easy to lose them, we could be married 100 years and it wouldn't be enough, that's why I'm glad we have eternity to look forward to sharing with them.

Eternity  - Amen to that! 

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Thank you, Francine and KayC for your kind words.  I’m feeling pretty darned lucky to be here tonight to write those words.  

On the way to the Cemetery to put flowers on Gerry’s grave yesterday, my daughter and I narrowly missed being involved in a serious crash, by a cats whisker!!   We hadn’t even got off my street when a young hoon shot through a giveaway, going well over the speed limit. There isn’t good vision from the direction he came from so we didn’t see him coming till he was nearly directly in our path.  Thank god my daughter has good reflexes and her vehicle good brakes!   It was absolutely terrifying, and a miracle we didn’t crash.  We then had to follow the hoon who hadn’t even stopped to see if we were ok!  His excuse, when he did see sense and stop - was he thought he had the right of way!!  Perhaps if he hadn’t been going so darned fast he would have had time to read the sign!  I tell you, he got a severe tongue lashing from us.  Imagine my daughter and I being seriously injured or worse, on our way to put flowers on the grave of my hubby who was killed on that date, by a careless driver,  just two years before!! 

Whilst the hoon was out of his car arguing with my daughter, who was taking pix of his car,  I decided to take his keys to detain him whilst we waited for Police.  But, as I reached into his car for them, I saw his girlfriend was in such a state, shaking badly and a terrible gray colour - she couldn’t even speak - only nod when I asked her if she was ok.  I comforted her, then as I reached to take the keys from the ignition the asshole driver spotted what I was doing, grabbed my arm and snatched them from me.  Unbelievably, but in reality we shouldn’t have been surprised, we couldn’t get through to Police, and couldn’t detain him.  We went back to the intersection and got pix of our skid marks.  Finally today, after many more attempts to speak with a cop, my daughter who lives an hour away, got through to her local one and she is following it up.  

There was another car coming from the opposite direction to us, who stopped.  This person saw all that occurred and I’m now trying to find them.  Pretty sure I saw this car go down my road late this afty whilst I was visiting friends across the road but we’d had a couple of drinks, so of course couldn’t go look for them - I will tomorrow though, starting at the motor camp as I don’t think it’s a local car. Ironically, my friends saw the highway police drive down our St yesterday afternoon and again this morning, yet we couldn’t reach a cop by ph when we needed one - sigh. The law and order system, like our Justice system is broken and driving on our roads is like playing Russian roulette - too many foreign tourists creating havoc whilst driving our difficult terrain and too many hoons.  The courts are so lenient here, there is no deterrent.  This near miss has not done my driving phobia any good :( 

It sure hasn’t helped my driving phobia ! 

 

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M88,

Wow, that must have been scary, and all too reminiscent of when your husband died.  I'm glad you finally got a hold of the police and they'll follow up on it.  If you have the license plate number that should identify him and where he lives.  They can always cite him after the fact.  Here it's rare we can't get 911 who reaches the police for us.

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Yes, it was terrifying, KayC.  Here Police only respond via He emergency # if a collision has actually taken place.  We have to call another designated # to report dangerous/careless driving.  

I’ve had no luck in finding the person who witnessed our near collision but heard many horror stories from drivers of cars similar to the one I’m looking for.   No gossip at the local shop, so perhaps they aren’t local. 

My daughter has emailed the pix she took through to the Police Officer in her area, who is following it up.  No news as yet.  

 

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I’ve been doing much soul searching since escaping the near collision on Thursday.  I feel I have to change my mindset so that I’m not just ‘existing’ from one day to the next, for the rest of my days.  I’ve realised that my soul is not just battered and bruised, but is starving from lack of nourishment.  I’ve realised that when my darling was with me, we were continually nourishing each others souls. Now I need to nourish my soul in a different way.  

I’ve realised that only ‘I’ can bring about something good, something positive, occurring in my life that will once again nourish my soul.  As my needs are vastly different now, something different, something which will make some nice new memories and make my long term future, more bearable.  I desperately need a good long spell of rest and relaxation - somewhere new, somewhere different to where my late hubby and I would normally choose to go.  

Now that I’ve had this epiphany, I have a goal to work towards. It won’t be easy as I still have many legal issues to work through, but by god, I shall scrimp and save to have a holiday, maybe in the vicinity of Fiji - friendly people so I’m told, good wholesome food and warm waters to swim in. 

 

 

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5 hours ago, M88 said:

Now I need to nourish my soul in a different way.  

That's what I've found too.  I don't have him here taking care of me in the many ways he did, now it's up to me to look after myself, no one else will.

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