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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie
Oz girl

Young widow...I have just lost the love of my life

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I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband nov 6th. It was the hardest day of my life. I have been through so many emotional ups and downs. What helped me early on was scripture. I’m not sure of your beliefs but it helped me. I also started keeping a journal and writing my thoughts. Angry or otherwise. There are days i feel I’m going crazy and days i feel like i can make it. I know I’ve made progress since i started on here. But i also know it’s 1 step forward and 2 steps back sometimes. 

Here’s a story. 3 days before he died my husband sent me a picture of this beautiful hill about 5 miles from our house. He was having lunch with a friend and made him stop to take a photo. He sent me the picture. I shared that photo with my sister in law. She then texted me last week and said she got a message from my husband while she was driving . My husband told her to tell me to look up to the hill . She immediately thought of this passage. 

Psalm 121

I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
    where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.

so yesterday my sil and i went to the hill. I bought 2 balloons. I wrote a note to my husband and we prayed and let it go. Then i wrote to god asking him to help me and ease my fears . We released that one too. We said another prayer and an amazing calm came over me. I’m sure i will slip back into my sadness as i know it’s a process but for at least a day, i have had peace. 

I hope you can find peace and hope in a tiny minute of your day. I’ll be sending prayers. 

Sorry for the long post. 

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I send you lots of hugs, Oz girl.  We understand your pain and fears as we’ve all been or are still experiencing them.  Like you, we couldn’t see how we could survive the agony, the emptiness in our lives, but somehow we just do, whether we like it or not. 

The way I handle mine is to remind myself to take one 1/4 or one 1/2 hour at a time - I was a dedicated clock watcher for a very long time.  I also listen to hypnotherapy and mediation videos on youtube - a lot!  This gives our much overloaded minds, bodies and souls a mini break from our trauma.  I initially had consultations with a psychologist who was also a qualified hypnotherapist.  But, I have no problem recommending anyone listen to these type of videos on youtube - they’re quite safe. I stay away from the ones with weird titles, though.  

We often find that we struggle to get through particular times of the day or night.  Do you have friends that you can ph or have them ph you, or come to just be with you when you find your pain at it’s worst?  

Using the search function at the top of the page to read about others journeys was also a help to me. I will bump up a thread on changes some of us made to help us endure the pain. 

Sending you strength, love and hugs. 

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There is no making sense of it, just try to survive it, one minute at a time if that's all you can handle.  Stay with us.  I only got to be married to my husband 3 years 8 months after waiting a lifetime to find him, I can't imagine a week, but I'm glad you had that week.  Every moment with my husband is a memory that sustains me now...in the beginning it brings pain to think about but later the grief evolves and our memories literally do sustain us.

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On 1/17/2018 at 8:56 AM, KayC said:

There is no making sense of it, just try to survive it, one minute at a time if that's all you can handle.  Stay with us.  I only got to be married to my husband 3 years 8 months after waiting a lifetime to find him, I can't imagine a week, but I'm glad you had that week.  Every moment with my husband is a memory that sustains me now...in the beginning it brings pain to think about but later the grief evolves and our memories literally do sustain us.

KayC, I did not know about your background. I get even more amazed about your strength each time I learn something new about you.   Sometimes, I compare my loss to others that are here... trying to make sense on whether my loss is as bad as another's.     I've come to realize that all losses are bad, regardless of how things transpired.   They are all tragedies.   No matter the length of our relationship, our age, or how the passing occurred.... they are all tragedies.  We are never ready for this. 

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You are so right.  Whether someone made it to the altar or not, whether they spent 50 years together or 5, when you are soulmates, you feel you are missing part of yourself, the other half.  My husband and I were so good together, we were amazed when we were getting to know each other at how well we clicked, how great our communication with each other was, how we could relate to each other, how we saw eye to eye on things, yet how we complemented each other too.  We always had faith in each other, brought the best out in the other, it was a perfect relationship between two imperfect beings.  :)  He was such a wonderful stepfather to my kids...his kids were grown and living in another state, but they were all so accepting and felt enriched by our relationship and I know my kids truly miss him.  He was "the one" for me, the one I was meant to be with and know.  I never believed in fate, I think life is our choices and actions but I do believe in some unique way we were fated to meet each other, that we found each other was amazing.  All because of a letter to the editor...how such an ordinary occurrence on an ordinary day could affect the course of our lives.

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