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My mom has recently passed away. I may be able to say it or write it but I still can’t quite understand what this really means. I still expect to see her again sometime soon or when the phone rings sometimes I catch myself thinking it might be her calling before I realize that that is not going to happen again. 

She was diagnosed with cancer in 2010 making 2017 the 7th year she was fighting this illness. I’m not gonna lie this wasn’t easy for me, seeing my mom like that or thinking every day that it might be the last day I am seeing her (I was 9 years old in 2010) but I was always greatfull for having her and I never stopped hoping that one day she might actually beat this thing and be healthy again. 

And then one day she woke up and she could not communicate with anyone very well and for a week she got worse and worse until she died on the 20th of December. 

Every single day since then feels grey. I feel like I’m never going to be fully happy again. I’ve never cried so much in my life. I try to do things so that I don’t think about her all the time but usually it doesn’t work. I want more years with her, it wasn’t enough. Other people have their mother for 50 or 60 years, why should I have mine only for 16 that’s not fair. 

I don’t understand how the world works.  I miss her so much. 

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Dear Fani,

I'm so sorry for your pain and sorrow. I know its really hard. Missing your mom is part of your grief. The emotions are going to be intense for a long time. Since I lost my dad over a year ago I've talked to friends and they told me in the first few weeks it will take time. I didn't want to believe them but after one year I feel I am getting a bit better. I don't cry as easily and I'm not as raw.

Keep talking about your mom and writing about your experiences, that too is part of the grief experience.

I'm not sure if you want to consider talking to a grief counsellor or a joining a support group in your area. It sometimes help to talk to others that have been through a similar experience. I won't be easy and it doesn't make the pain go away, but maybe it would just help to know that other people understand and care.

Everything you are saying and feeling is normal. Try to be kind to yourself. Thinking of you.

Sending you love and hugs.

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Dear Fani,

I’m so sorry for your loss.  I think about how devastating it is for me to have lost my mother and I had her for decades more than you.  To lose your mother at 16 when you’re only just becoming a young woman, I can’t imagine.  Also I know the pain of watching my own mother suffer through cancer to recover but then get dementia.  The stress and worry went on for years so I know how you feel.  To have managed it at such a young age is incredible.  Then at the end to lose her is traumatic and devastating.  As reader said, everything you’re feeling is normal.  It’s part of the grief but that doesn’t make it better or easier.  I found after many months reading other people’s stories helped me understand grief better because I thought I was going mad.  It helps to know this is what everyone goes through.  I also think you need proper support.  Grief therapy or counseling.  It’s too much to try to navigate the pain and complex emotions that come with loss.  It’s hard for all of us but at 16, it can shape who you become as a person.  I’m so sorry for your loss.  Please seek help.  Please continue to use the forum.  It does help.

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On 08/01/2018 at 9:29 AM, Fani said:

My mom has recently passed away. I may be able to say it or write it but I still can’t quite understand what this really means. I still expect to see her again sometime soon or when the phone rings sometimes I catch myself thinking it might be her calling before I realize that that is not going to happen again. 

She was diagnosed with cancer in 2010 making 2017 the 7th year she was fighting this illness. I’m not gonna lie this wasn’t easy for me, seeing my mom like that or thinking every day that it might be the last day I am seeing her (I was 9 years old in 2010) but I was always greatfull for having her and I never stopped hoping that one day she might actually beat this thing and be healthy again. 

And then one day she woke up and she could not communicate with anyone very well and for a week she got worse and worse until she died on the 20th of December. 

Every single day since then feels grey. I feel like I’m never going to be fully happy again. I’ve never cried so much in my life. I try to do things so that I don’t think about her all the time but usually it doesn’t work. I want more years with her, it wasn’t enough. Other people have their mother for 50 or 60 years, why should I have mine only for 16 that’s not fair. 

I don’t understand how the world works.  I miss her so much. 

Hey, you replied to my own thread a few days ago... I am so so sorry. We both lost our beautiful mothers on the same day, so it's coming up to three weeks now. I can't even comprehend that. And sometimes I think about what it'll be like in a year, two years.. five. And I hate it. I hate that time will take me further and further away from my mum. In all things I've experienced in life, and even schooling, having my mum just be gone is the biggest thing my brain simply cannot comprehend.

I agree with you too, and it's a sucky lesson to learn so early on in life. The world is so unfair. 

I find forums like this one are great.. they don't take away the suffering, but they definitely help me feel less lonely. It really helps me to write my thoughts down, so I would suggest that too - both on forums and in a diary maybe. 

Please feel free to message me and rant at me.. xx

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Dear Fani, 

First of all, I want to express how sorry I am to learn about your mother passing away. The death of any loved one is difficult, but the loss of a parent is especially a heavy burden to bear. 

I am making an effort to offer free reading materials to persons of all ages and backgrounds on how to cope with the death of loved ones. The reading material can be downloaded to as many devices you wish and can even be passed on to others . It offers practical advice on the grieving process and also gives encouragement that many persons need for comfort. Please follow the link below ...

https://www.jw.org/finder?wtlocale=E&pub=we&srcid=share

I have also included the link for a magazine on teen depression . I have other reading materials just for teens if you would like to have access to them . 

https://www.jw.org/finder?wtlocale=E&issue=2017-02&pub=g17&srcid=share

If you would like staying in contact, I am open to that off this forum. I’m the mother of a teenager, but I’ve lost both parents, my dad when I was 12 yrs old. I know it’s not the same as losing your mom because I know moms and daughters have a special bond. However, if you need someone to confide it or just get some sadness off your shoulders, please know you can get in touch with me. I’m also on Instagram :@fakoonce . 

With Deepest Sympathy,

Frances 

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Hi Fani, I’m ciera. Our stories are identical. My mother has been battling lymphoma cancer since 2015. She was in remission in 2016 but October 2017 it came back. Full force. Around December she stopped being able to speak and they had to bring the hospital bed to the house. On December 25 (Christmas ) she passed away on front me and my siblings right after she opened the gifts. 3 weeks later and I’m stoll broken. I’m only 21. How will I have kids or get married and my bestfriend is gone. I don’t think I’ll ever be happy again. I’m not sure If this pain will go away. I would give her my kidney and my heart if it meant she’d get better. I’m here. Please message me . I will be here for you bc I know exactly what your feeling. I feel it too. I’m sending you my love from one grieving heart to another. If you need my IG you can have it. Bc believe it or not I need support too . I feel no one understands this pain. 

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12 hours ago, Ciera said:

Hi Fani, I’m ciera. Our stories are identical. My mother has been battling lymphoma cancer since 2015. She was in remission in 2016 but October 2017 it came back. Full force. Around December she stopped being able to speak and they had to bring the hospital bed to the house. On December 25 (Christmas ) she passed away on front me and my siblings right after she opened the gifts. 3 weeks later and I’m stoll broken. I’m only 21. How will I have kids or get married and my bestfriend is gone. I don’t think I’ll ever be happy again. I’m not sure If this pain will go away. I would give her my kidney and my heart if it meant she’d get better. I’m here. Please message me . I will be here for you bc I know exactly what your feeling. I feel it too. I’m sending you my love from one grieving heart to another. If you need my IG you can have it. Bc believe it or not I need support too . I feel no one understands this pain. 

I also lost my mother on 24th December 2017. Overall my mother was not ill on 24th morning we admitted her to a government hospital after a slight cold & by evening she was gone . I deeply regret that had I admitted in big Private hospital she must have been with us....

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