Guilt over not euthanising my cat sooner

[Emmaloux20xx]

I lost my beloved cat on 15 December 2017, I had to take him to the emergency vets and have him put to sleep. He had been diagnosed with triaditis in 2016, which gradually deteriorated. I am feeling guilty that I did not have him euthanised sooner. Although he had good appetite until the end, was still after love and fuss, grooming himself (although not as much as before) and still a little playful, he was suffering with incontinence (although he was mostly good and let me clean him up) and slept more than he did. However, I feel on hindsight that I should have put his suffering to an end sooner and let him go on a good day. I know there is no point in beating myself up about this now because I cannot change anything, but I cannot seem to be able to forgive myself or stop feeling really guilty. 

I am trying not to dwell on the negative feelings, I have made a tribute to him, donated money in his memory, and will shortly be planting some flowers in his memory but it is hard not to be consumed with the guilt. I am sure this will wear off in time but for now just needed to get this off my chest. 

 

[reader]

Dear Emma,

I'm very sorry for your loss. Please don't be hard on yourself. You loved him very much and did the very best you could for him.

It takes a long time to work through our grief. I hope with more time you will forgive yourself and let the feeling of guilt go.

You are doing everything right by him. The tributes you are making show how much you cared and loved him and only wanted the best for him.

Thinking of you.

[AJWCat]

I am so sorry to hear about what happened. Sorry for your loss.

Guilt of all that we did not do definitely hits us all. I have learned that being on this forum over the last 5 months since losing my cat. 

I had two cats that both had lymphoma and I had to decide when the last day was for each. I probably waited too long for one... I couldn't do it until he was really pretty sick, finally not eating. But he had been hiding and not enjoying life for a few weeks. So I know how you feel. Still, you were there and did end his suffering. Remember, your intention was always to do your best, give the best life. So please don't beat yourself up. It's bad enough you lost your cat and have to deal with that, it's awful to also feel like a bad person - when you are not.

It took me a couple months to finally get rid of some of the guilt and start focusing just on the happy memories, not just the end. You will get there. I am glad you got this off your chest. It is so helpful to let these things out. The sadness, feeling of loneliness (since many people don't understand the depth of our grief over our pets), and pain of the loss is too much to handle.  

[KayC]

Emmaloux,

I'm so sorry you lost your beloved cat.  I too lost a cat that I wish I'd had euthanized much sooner as his last month was one of immense suffering, but I thought he'd get better (he'd been misdiagnosed originally).  I've shared these articles before but hope you will read them as I think they're both helpful.

http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf 

http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml

[Maria9]

Emmaloux I am so sorry for your loss.It so common to feel guilt after our pets pass, guilt over so many things. And decisions around euthanasia bring the most guilt of all. It is so heartbreaking to decide  if and when to end the life of a creature we love so much.Believe me, if you had euthanized your kitty sooner ,you would still be tormenting yourself and wondering if you did it " too soon".In hindsight things look clear but I think there is not a "right" answer to this if an animal is not suffering. Your choice was based on love, try to keep that in mind.Your kitty knew this.I hope that your guilt goes away with time .Like AJWCat said the pain is already too much to handle, you don't want to add guilt to it. Keep writing here, to get things off your chest. We all understand.