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lmn

Everyone around me is dying

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I’m only 18. I lost my father to a car crash when I was 15. It’s like that’s where it all started. My best friends father who I considered a second father died unexpectedly 2 years later. My aunt died from cancer 8 months later. Expected but still sad. Then it was my fathers friend and my baby sitter that was like my grandma who both died unexpectedly this past summer. In October my uncle is found dead in his room. It was probably an overdose which is something we thought would happen years ago. We really thought he was doing well. Now as I’m writing this I’m laying next to my cat in what seems to be his final hours. He suddenly became sick yesterday so we brought him to the vet today. He said it doesnt look good, he mentioned euthanization but we decided to wait for the blood work to come back tomorrow. It’s just so unexpected like all of the other deaths. He’s only 9 which is not considered old. He seemed perfectly fine but now he doesn’t even have the energy to move. I can’t stop crying I never thought this would happen to me again so soon. It’s like I’m cursed. Nobody around me understands what it’s like to constantly lose people or pets you love. Everyone I talk to is so unfazed by death and grief and I’m sitting here constantly thinking about who’s gonna die next. So much death has weakened me and it continues to weaken me. I’m positive I have depression which I thought was getting better until today happened. I have anxiety all the time.  I feel like I’ll never be happy again. I’m really just waiting for someone else I love to die 24/7. Has anyone else experienced so many random deaths in such a short period of time? How do you keep yourself sane? Please help me 

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Dear Imn,

I'm very sorry for all the losses you have experienced in your young life. It is extremely hard. I'm so sorry for your pain and sorrow.

Please know you are not alone in your thoughts and feelings. Have you considered talking to family counsellor, grief therapist or joining a support group. There are lots of resources in the community and through church. I know its not easy to reach out, but there are kind people who will support you and help you cope with these losses.

I hear you. I have this feeling too like why me? Why am I going through this? I know its not easy and hopefully by talking it out and journaling and learning different skills, it will be a little easier to bear.

Thinking of you. Sending all my thoughts and prayers.

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Hi Imn.

                       All i can do is sending you good vibes and telling you that I completely understand how hard this can be for you.

If your cat is still alive , then there's still hope... I cannot promess anything but I know a woman who is called : Laila Delmonte  and 4 years ago she have done a real miracle for one of my pets which was a squirrel. But lately I've tried again with my female cat and the miracle doesn't happen this time but she was 13 and she was probably at the end of her life and maybe that's the reason why she haven't been able to save her... I dont know. But your cat is still young and maybe the miracle could happen for you.

this is her website : http://lailadelmonte.com/en/                     if you have any questions about that , just let me know.

Sending you peace.

 

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It’s so confusing and painful to lose so many people one after the next. Cumulative grief is hard to process. I have the same thoughts as you with constantly thinking who’s next, or what’s going to happen. It’s hard to feel safe and grounded when everything around you is so unpredictable. I’ve lost four friends and my brother in the past year and am on edge, worry a lot. I say positive affirmations to myself as much as I can to try and change my thought patterns and I feel it helps some. I am also trying to have a least one part of my day focused on something other than my grief (which is near impossible), to try and give my mind a break. Something physical like the batting cages, or making brownies. It won’t solve everything, but when you have circling thought patterns it helps to break them up.

Can you get to a teen grief meeting in your area, or have someone schedule you an appointment with a therapist? It will really help get your anxiety level down. If you can, try and stay on a schedule to create some predictability. Whether that’s writing in a journal about your feelings, talking to a friend or therapist on a certain day, or taking a walk. One foot in front of the other so to speak. I also experience the same thing with others in regard to their passive attitudes regarding death. Their reality is different and so it’s hard for them to relate, or not say anything, or just shrug people’s loss off. It’s hurtful, but they don’t know that it hurts us and I remind myself that it’s not on purpose. I say to myself I wouldn’t want someone else to have to experience such loss and so I’m glad they are ok. Trying not to compare our lives. Sending you positive thoughts.

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