Lost my mom 5 months ago. Depressed.

[sadandtired]

My mom battled cancer for over 4 years and we ended up losing her this summer. I'm 25. I have found myself to fall into a really dark place. I'm not sure if it's because of the holidays or just how the grieving process is working but I've never felt so depressed. Going to work seems so meaningless and I dread doing the smallest productive things daily. I feel like life has really dumped on me and I'm angry. I panic sometimes thinking "wow, I will never actually see her again." What a terrible feeling. She was the most amazing person in the world to me. She was my best friend. There are things that have happened since she's passed that she'd normally talk me through. And now I can't share any of my problems with the one person who made me feel normal again. Life sucks. 

[reader]

Dear sadandtired,

I'm very sorry to hear how you feel. I know its hard after such a devastating loss. It is hard to be happy about anything when the most important person in your life has passed. Please try and be kind to yourself. It takes a long time for our minds and body to work through all the raw emotions.

If you want to maybe consider talking to a grief counsellor or joining a support group. I was quite withdrawn myself at this stage but I tried to read as much as I could. I would still cry and be angry but now I find after a year my feelings are a little less intense. Those first few months and even first year is rough.

Please know you are not alone. We are all here to listen and support you in anyway we can.

Take care. My thoughts are with you.

[Dgiirl]

I'm so sorry you have to go through this.  Depression hit me hard at around the 5-6 month after my father passing too.  I think part of it was the shock wore off, I was starting to get back into a routine, friends stopped checking up on me to see how I was, life just continued on and people were expecting me to be back to normal, and I really felt the need to talk to my Dad. 

It's really important to take care of yourself at this time.  Although being depressed is understandable and can be therapeutic, it can also be a bit of a slippery dark hole.  You need to pay attention to how long you let yourself be sad and make sure you still can function.  Make sure you are getting out of bed and outside with fresh air.  Also, give yourself an outlet or a break from these feelings.  It's important to grieve, but it's also important to make sure you don't get stuck in these feelings and seek help if you do.  Pay attention to yourself and you will know what to do

 

 

[Ash]

sadandtired, 

I am so sorry you are going through such a profound loss. Your feelings are completely understandable and a normal part of the grieving process. Don't be too hard on yourself; this is a tough thing to go through. Do you have a support system or other family members you can get help from? This seems like too much to go through alone. It might even be beneficial to seek out a grief counselor or support group, if you feel comfortable with that. It can be a good way to let your feelings out in the open rather than keep them all inside. 

I know how it feels to struggle in doing the simplest of tasks; life can feel meaningless when going through the loss of a loved one. I miss my parents everyday and struggle to be productive. I found that distracting myself helps me cope sometimes, so I don't feel the sadness all at once. You are not alone, and I encourage you to take care of yourself and reach out to others for help. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

[sadandlost]

Dear sadandtired,

I'm so sorry for your loss.  I'm beginning to realise that depression seems to get worse around the 6 month mark.  I realise it for myself and from what others have said.  I think it has something to do with shock wearing off and this is reality and we don't want to live in this reality.  For me it happened more around 8 months when I really plummeted downwards.  Before that I was just trying to cope with all the emotions.  Now its a year it varies by the day.  sometimes its a heavy depression and other times I get on with things, make plans, try to be normal.  Inside though its always there, lurking.  Whether I see people or not.  Seeing people distract me.  Yet sometimes I want to hide away be alone and get back to netflix!  I began therapy.  Although I don't think its the right person for me.  Its too all over the place, not focused enough.  I believe in therapy and talking through your emotions but I think its more important to find the right therapy for you.  We all feel alone.  Sometimes its exhausting.  Someone wrote that it takes around 5 yrs to fully process losing a parent.  I thought, oh dear god!   I'm focusing on self care at the moment and trying look after myself and not turn into a slob!   Look after yourself.  Thinking of you, all of you who are here often daily.

[sadandtired]

11 hours ago, sadandlost said:

Dear sadandtired,

I'm so sorry for your loss.  I'm beginning to realise that depression seems to get worse around the 6 month mark.  I realise it for myself and from what others have said.  I think it has something to do with shock wearing off and this is reality and we don't want to live in this reality.  For me it happened more around 8 months when I really plummeted downwards.  Before that I was just trying to cope with all the emotions.  Now its a year it varies by the day.  sometimes its a heavy depression and other times I get on with things, make plans, try to be normal.  Inside though its always there, lurking.  Whether I see people or not.  Seeing people distract me.  Yet sometimes I want to hide away be alone and get back to netflix!  I began therapy.  Although I don't think its the right person for me.  Its too all over the place, not focused enough.  I believe in therapy and talking through your emotions but I think its more important to find the right therapy for you.  We all feel alone.  Sometimes its exhausting.  Someone wrote that it takes around 5 yrs to fully process losing a parent.  I thought, oh dear god!   I'm focusing on self care at the moment and trying look after myself and not turn into a slob!   Look after yourself.  Thinking of you, all of you who are here often daily.

 

19 hours ago, reader said:

Dear sadandtired,

I'm very sorry to hear how you feel. I know its hard after such a devastating loss. It is hard to be happy about anything when the most important person in your life has passed. Please try and be kind to yourself. It takes a long time for our minds and body to work through all the raw emotions.

If you want to maybe consider talking to a grief counsellor or joining a support group. I was quite withdrawn myself at this stage but I tried to read as much as I could. I would still cry and be angry but now I find after a year my feelings are a little less intense. Those first few months and even first year is rough.

Please know you are not alone. We are all here to listen and support you in anyway we can.

Take care. My thoughts are with you.

Thank you for reading and responded. Greatly appreciated!

[Whammy2]

I am so sorry. I lost my own mum just over two weeks ago now to cancer she battled for 3 years. I also can't comprehend that I will just never see her again and I'm not sure what my beliefs are but I so desperately hope that one day I will see her.. because I simply can't imagine just not seeing her again??!

My mum was just 48 when she passed away and she lost her own mum when she too was very young, and who died at the age of 49. This world is unfair. It just doesn't seem to work on any sort of justice system at all. A lot of the time I just wonder what the point of all this is.

I am so sorry for both you and your mum. If you can, go out for walks; read a book - reading definitely helps me, it's a good escape; write your thoughts down.. take each day as it comes x

 

 

[Nicole-my grief journey]

On 1/1/2018 at 9:49 PM, sadandtired said:

My mom battled cancer for over 4 years and we ended up losing her this summer. I'm 25. I have found myself to fall into a really dark place. I'm not sure if it's because of the holidays or just how the grieving process is working but I've never felt so depressed. Going to work seems so meaningless and I dread doing the smallest productive things daily. I feel like life has really dumped on me and I'm angry. I panic sometimes thinking "wow, I will never actually see her again." What a terrible feeling. She was the most amazing person in the world to me. She was my best friend. There are things that have happened since she's passed that she'd normally talk me through. And now I can't share any of my problems with the one person who made me feel normal again. Life sucks. 

I feel the same. All of it. Thank you for sharing that because you’ve put words to how I feel. I share your pain and loss. My mom was my everything. My entire world, my best friend. My ”MuhMuh”. In the end I took care of her as she did for me my whole life. I watched every rise and fall of her breath and heart beat until she left this world. Always whispering in her ear “You’re my favorite person”. “We won’t be seperated ever. Eternal love and our souls will stay connected”. But it hurts like hell that she’s not here on this earth. I yearn for her. Her voice, her touch, her cooking, her humor, cuddling, watching movies, adventuring together, making plans...It is endless and painful. She said “I’m worried you won’t be okay if something happens to me. We’re too close”. I reassured her I would be okay so she wouldn’t worry. Knowing in my heart, I would not be okay. I’m trying though, every day. Fighting to get up. So many hugs to to you.