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SKD

Unexplainable connection with pup that passed

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My husband and I lost our 7 month old chocolate daschund puppy 'K' to congenital heart disease that led to Heart failure (atleast we think). We have been beyond devastated especially since his death was so unexepected. I read someone write somewhere in this forum that they felt they just wanted their puppy back with them and would do anything for that. I feel the same way. I yearn for him. Each day is only marginally better than the next perhaps because I imagine him around me all the time. At times when reality hits and I break down I speak to him and tell him we are right here waiting for him if he needed a home on earth again.  My husband and I have him in our thoughts all the time it's almost hard to not think of him. Even before he died he was the center of our world. We were not planning to have a pet when K came into our lives. My husband and I both grew up with dogs and we had always said we would get one when we would start a family or when I was pregnant. I remember the phone call 5 months ago, my husband said there was this puppy who wasn't wanted by the breeder or by his colleague and if we could give him a home for the weekend till they could find a home for him. I mean dogs are like family to us I couldn't say no. When he arrived he was the cutest little puppy I had ever seen. He had captivating green eyes and his aura was so positive. How could anyone not want him? I already felt he was going to be ours.  A day after K arrived, I took a pregnancy test which turned out positive. We weren't trying for a child but we suspected we would be positive. A sign, more like a blessing rather, we got what we always wanted a beautiful little pup and a baby on the way. K instantly became family and was part of our new journey.  Until K arrived I never knew what joy was. I always had dogs growing up, I loved them all, but I don't know if I felt pure joy the way I did with K. He was so loving so affectionate to us. He was always nestled in either of our laps. If we cuddled, he would squeeze right in the middle of us. He made us laugh, he never made us angry, he never seemed like a chore.  He was the sharpest the dog we ever had. AT 3/4 months he knew the engine sound of my husband's car and the minute his car pulled up he would run to the door and wait for him. We live in an apartment complex and have multiple cars going in and out. I was so baffled by it. He could communicate by pointing to his leash when he wanted to go down. If we played fetch in the garden he would take his ball and lead me to the front door of the building when he was done. he knew our car in the parking lot and often led me there hoping to go on a ride. He wasn't even 5 months old by this point. Every morning he would be at my bedside at 7am since he knew that was the earliest I was going to wake up. At 7am we would go for a walk. He eventually became my 7am alarm. I rarely had a day where he slept passed 7am.  Joy, joy and only joy K was just that when he died our apartment felt big and empty. We had lived there for 3 years before he came and in 5 months he made our flat a home. Being pregnant and raising him perhaps bought out my maternal side. I really felt like he was our child and I had another on the way. My friends say he came to show us what love and joy was? Maybe he to open our hearts to receive this child? I don't know.. all i know is I want him back. When he was sick it was all so sudden, He had a cough that developed into bronchitis, his breathing got a little laboured. I took him to the vet and he got him on antibiotics. He seemed his usual self but the cough was still there and the breathing seemed abnormal still. I took him back we started him on another stronger antibiotic.. By then the vet warned me that the symptoms were the same for congenital heart disease but we would do an xray and just hope its a bad case of pneumonia. We did the xray and saw his lungs were fully congested which seemed like pneumonia but without an ECG  it would be hard to say if the heart was causing it.. two days passed and K wasn't showing any signs of improvement, his breathing was laboured and he was tired all the time nonetheless, I was so hopeful. Very quickly K deteriorated over 24 hours as he got severely weak.  the morning he passed away... I woke up at 7am as I usually would and went to see him in his bed... he couldn't get up, I had never seen him like that ever. I picked him up in my arms and woke up my husband. We were calling the vet to come over but by then he seemed so lifeless I tried to give him water but he wouldn't drink. As we held on to him in our arms he was just looking at both of us and then just like that 5 min later he gasped his last breaths and he was gone. His lungs were too congested and eventually his lungs stopped functioning. My husband and I were in shock. We cried so much. I couldn't believe he was gone. He was supposed to fight it and we were supposed to be this happy family.. the 4 of us. Did he wait for us to say goodbye? I think so. Nothing would have stopped him from going in the middle of the night. It's like he waited till 7 am knowing I would be up and by his side.  Everyday for 10 days my husband cried when he got home not to see our beloved K waiting for him. I cry at 7am when my eyes open and hes not at my bedside wagging his tail waking me up. This kind of pain can only come from deep immense love. I have had people raise their eyebrows when i say he was only with us 5 months. It's like they think 'oh that's it and you are this broken up about it?' The hardest is when people say 'be strong and be strong for the baby now you have that to look forward to'. Yes and yes i know but i will love my child, I already do but I cannot undo the love I had for K and I cannot not grieve him. After all he brought me joy.. what a beautiful gift someone can bring to you? Perhaps the most hair raising thing of all this was the day K passed away I turned 25 weeks pregnant that same day. I have a baby app that tells me the development my baby is probably going through while in the womb. The evening he passed I got a notification that said my baby is 25 weeks today and is becoming increasingly viable as his lungs continue to develop from all the amniotic fluid he has been inhaling... That sent chills down my spine. The day my beloved K dies from congested lungs my baby's lungs are developing? I'm either looking for some meaning that is not there or there is some divine intervention. I do not know what to make of any of it. I just feel its one of the worst things I have had to endure. He is still constantly at the forefront of my mind. My husband and I can now share memories of him without breaking down but the pain is still there and emptiness is felt all over the house. How I wish K could have met his baby brother. We imagined them playing together. K would have been so gentle with him as he was so gentle with us. There will be no other like K and I really hope we all reunite together again. I just want him back..RIP K. 

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Hi, I am so so sorry for your loss of sweet K. You said so much in your post - you clearly understand grief. A lot spoke to me, and THIS: --> "This kind of pain can only come from deep immense love." It is so true. I was glad K was able to pass in your arms. Safe and loved. 

I wish I could say something to make you feel better. Unexplainable sad and tragic things like this happen and there are no good answers. He sure seemed "meant to be" in your lives. All you can do, as you grieve his loss - and I know how incredibly hard this is - is try to be grateful for the short but intense bond you had with him. 

I lost my cat in an awful way and it was the most painful thing I've had to endure too. My heart goes out to you. I believe his spirit is with you guys and he will be there to welcome your baby. I know you will never forget him either. Wishing you peace.  

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It seems so unfair K only got to live five months, so very unfair.  And yet he found his way to the best family he could have, the family that would love him and care for him and appreciate him fully.  The gift you gave each other was the greatest gift we could have.  Of course you are grieving him!  I fully believe they continue in spirit form and the love between you continues to exist.  Believing we'll be together again gives me the hope I need for continuing...

Congratulations on your baby.  I'm sorry K won't be there to meet your child, but I like to think of the ones I've lost as looking on from heaven, who knows?

 

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@AJWCat Thank you for your comforting words. I'm so sorry about your Cat. I can say I genuinely understand the pain you went through. You and everyone here give me a sense of belonging and a sense of hope and for that I am grateful. 

21 hours ago, AJWCat said:

 

I wish I could say something to make you feel better. Unexplainable sad and tragic things like this happen and there are no good answers. He sure seemed "meant to be" in your lives. All you can do, as you grieve his loss - and I know how incredibly hard this is - is try to be grateful for the short but intense bond you had with him.   

You are right about being grateful for the bond we had. I try to tell myself that everyday. I say 'thank you for picking us and I thank you for blessing us with your unconditional love. We feel honored to have been your parents while you were here. It was nothing but a pleasure'. Saying this gives me a sense of comfort and makes me think of the positive rather than the negative especially when the guilt and feeling of loss sets in.  

 

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@KayC Thank you for your kind words. The thought of us reuniting gives me comfort too and I hope as you say his spirit is alive and watching over us. I will forever keep him close in my heart. I will tell my baby one day about K. His memories must live on.. 

 

 

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I think all of these pets we've had come and go from our lives have had a special part in us being who we are.  Each one so special, each one unique.  My last dog was so trained and obedient, graceful and sweet, but also needy and insecure.  My dog now is big and more clumsy, headstrong (obedient doesn't come to mind), but very self-assured and happy.  They couldn't be more opposite!  But I find he's just exactly what I need and relate to in my life right now.

 

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I love the words you say SKD, those lines are so sweet and so perfect. I found them of comfort myself.  I have taken to spontaneously saying - "we miss you and we love you" to our cat when I am really missing him. Anyway, I know what stage you are in right now and it's very unpredictable (not to mention you're carrying a baby!) emotionally. You deal okay one moment and you are in tears the next. I hope you are doing okay.    

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