Erased from history

[Deleted daughter]

For over 40 years   My father was my hero my mentor my best friend. We never fought until two years ago.   We exchanged heated words about my stepmother’s attitude toward me.  My father died in October and I was left out of his obituary.  I tried to leave an electronic condolence and was denied.   I tried to correct the obituary and was denied.  I tried to buy an ad in the local paper to tell my side of the story and was denied.  My stepmother has not communicated with me in any way.  I was not told that he was seriously ill and I have no idea what type of memorial was held for him.   My father died hating me.  That knowledge tears my soul apart.  I can’t fix it 

[sadandlost]

Dear deleted daughter,

I'm so sorry for your loss.  Families can be so cruel it never ceases to amaze me.  What a terrible ordeal to go through, you must be traumatised.  I can't imagine.  I'm sure that whatever the argument was about, that your father did not hate you.  He was upset.  You were upset.  Now he is gone and you are being treated like you are nothing and thats devastating.  If you had a very close relationship with your father up until the fight, please try to hold on to this.  No one can take that away from you.  They may want to erase you but its not possible to erase your relationship, your memories, experiences with your father.  i know that doesn't make you feel better now but in time please try to honour him in your own way.  Its a painful time but this trauma with your stepmother won't last as long as your grief and pain of losing your father.  Grief goes on and on...  Family ugliness eventually disappears when you aren't in contact with them.  So sorry.

[reader]

Dear Deleted daughter,

My deepest sympathies and condolences. I'm very sorry for your loss. It is very hard. Families are so tough. I know you wanted to be acknowledged and be part of the memorial. I'm so sorry your step mother has denied you this ritual.

I hope you can surround yourself with other caring friends and family during this difficult time. Maybe consider talking to a grief counsellor or joining a support group. I would try another newspaper if you want to write something publicly to your father. As far as I know anyone can make a request to write in In Memoriam in the paper as long as they pay the fee associated with it.

Or you can create your own online memorial.  I know sites like Ancestry offer this service.

Please know you are not alone. Your father loved you and you loved him. All families go through rough moments and things are said but just know that parents don't carry that with them. They know the truth.

Thinking of you. Sending you extra hugs.