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Miss b

Unexpected death

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My father died November this year and I'm struggling to cope with all my emotions, mainly guilt for being unaware he was so poorly,  in my profession I take care of people with terminal illnesses (I didn' know my father had a terminal illness and neither did he) the guilt I carry is consuming Me, I wish I knew so I could have been there more for him.. he died alone and it breaks my heart. 

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Dear Miss b,

I am so sorry for your loss.  It must have been a terrible shock.  How could you have possibly known?  If he didn't, how could you?  I have heard of parents knowing they were terminal and not sharing it with their children, I imagine to protect them?  Or unable to tell them?  In your case he didn't know.  You have nothing to feel guilty about.  Sadness and heartbreak of course and all the many other complicated emotions that come with losing a parent. Most of us think we should have been there more after our parent passes.  What I've learnt is, grief goes on for a long long time.  After the shock its hard for our minds to grasp it.  For me it took months.  After the reality set in so did depression.  Please know we are here and we know what it feels like because we are all going through it.  I'm so sorry for your loss.

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Dear Miss b,

My deepest sympathies and condolences. I am very sorry for your loss. I know its easier said than done, but please don't be hard on yourself. What you are thinking and feeling right now is part of your grief. We all wish we could go back in time and change something.

Me too. I didn't realize my dad was dying and had the full expectation I would see him the next day. I felt terrible he was not surrounded by his family but instead passed with the nurse by his side counting his last breaths. They called the code blue but my dad was a DNR. I regret that too. Part of me wanted my dad to keep going but I was blind to see he was getting weaker. My sister also works a nurse and could not see it either.

It has taken me almost a year to come to a better place. Grief takes time.

Thinking of you and your family. Sending you love and hugs.

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On 31/12/2017 at 6:31 AM, reader said:

Dear Miss b,

My deepest sympathies and condolences. I am very sorry for your loss. I know its easier said than done, but please don't be hard on yourself. What you are thinking and feeling right now is part of your grief. We all wish we could go back in time and change something.

Me too. I didn't realize my dad was dying and had the full expectation I would see him the next day. I felt terrible he was not surrounded by his family but instead passed with the nurse by his side counting his last breaths. They called the code blue but my dad was a DNR. I regret that too. Part of me wanted my dad to keep going but I was blind to see he was getting weaker. My sister also works a nurse and could not see it either.

It has taken me almost a year to come to a better place. Grief takes time.

Thinking of you and your family. Sending you love and hugs.

Thank you for your kind words

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