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Rich&sam1985

Overcome with grief

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This morning the unthinkable happened. I lost my 5 month old puppy, the worst thing....she wasn’t hit by a car and she wasn’t ill, she got a fright whilst on a walk and my father in law accidentally dropped her lead.  He ran after her but stepped on her tiny body and crushed her to death. He, as are our entire family, inconsolable.

I don’t have children, but to me, she was my child, I have never experienced grief like this in my life. I can’t really explain just how I feel, it’s like it’s not sunk in yet and I’m dreading when it does. She should be running around like a lunatic as I write this but instead there is a deafening silence and eerie calmness in our home! I waited years for her and she was perfect, she was my shadow and I can’t begin to imagine our life without her in it (words I used recently when talking about how thankful I was she was in my life)! 

I wish that I knew when I would start to feel better but I don’t think I can ever get over this! She was my everything! I just want this pain to be gone!

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@Rich&sam1985 I am so sad for you, what tragic thing to happen - such a terrible accident. 

You formed a tight bond in a very short time and of course it was totally unexpected. I have suffered losses of aging/ill pets that I knew was coming, and sudden loss - my last cat who died almost 5 months ago. The sudden loss was way worse.  

So of course you are in shock and tremendous grief. I know it does not feel like it at all now, you will heal from this. You will learn to live with what happened. The terrible pain will diminish. It is just going to take some time.

As I said, I lost my cat (I had him 10 years so I know I am fortunate in that) in a pretty horrible, tragic way. Like you, my heart was broken. But I had to go on - have to learn to live with it. We have even gotten another cat after almost 5 months. (I can't live without a cat in my home.)

My heart will forever have a little crack in it from that loss. Does not mean life won't be good again (even though I am still very sad over it) or that I won't come to love this new cat, but there is a crack and it will never go away.  I don't have kids either so my cat was my child too.

My heart aches for you truly. I believe your sweet puppy is at peace and the small consolation is that she was never far from you, never abandoned or alone, she only knew your love here on Earth. Wishing you peace. 

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I am very sorry for your loss.

My good friend Kay, years ago, had a little dog, Sarai, she went everywhere with her, even to work.  One day her MIL was backing her car up and ran over Sarai.  It was devastating.  I don't know how Kay got through it, but I know that she did.  She didn't hold it against her MIL, but it had to be hard.  This little dog had even been her ringbearer in her wedding.  She was so smart and I still remember her cocking her head when you talked to her.  That was all 35 years ago or so.

I know you don't think you can get over this...maybe not, but you will get through it.  And in time it won't hurt quite so bad as it does right now, our bodies have an amazing resilience to tragedy even when we don't see how that's possible.

The one bad thing about grief is it IS so very painful and no way to avoid it or soften it, we have to experience it in order to process our grief.  But mark my words, it will lessen its intensity tremendously and in time you will be left with memories that bring a smile...those same memories right now rip right through you with searing pain, but grief evolves even as we adjust.  I know, I lost my husband and didn't see how I could live a week without him, let alone the rest of my life...but it's been 12 1/2 years now and I'm doing it.

I have learned that we are blessed to have people and creatures that are so wonderful in our lives.  But that is for the "now" and we never know how long it will last, when they're gone from us the love we shared equals the pain we have to learn to get through.  I've lost many dogs and cats over my 65 years, and I have one of each now...I know those days are numbered, my dog is nearly ten and my cat is 22 years old.  I will be going through this again.  The lesson I take from that is to make the most of each day with them.  I will adopt again, but none will be like the ones I have now.  Right now my dog is like a soulmate in dog form, hard to explain but he's perfect for me.  I don't expect to ever have that again or even meet a dog like him, but I will have another one to enjoy at some point and he/she will create a spot of their own in my heart.  The sorrow may gradually lessen, but the missing them part continues, but we do learn to live with it.  I'm feeling that way now with my Miss Mocha, my cat that I lost 1 1/2 years ago.  I still miss her, there will never be another like her, she was very special and unique. I continue to cherish the memories I have with her, I continue to miss her, but I've somehow managed to continue life, I don't know how.  It was very hard at first.

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There's not much to add to the previous replies except just to let you know I understand... I'm going thru the same thing only my precious boy was hit by a car.  I've had many losses before.  Idk if it's just this particular time in my life or what, but I've never known grief like this.  I'll never find another Bob.  

Two weeks ago I was ready to die.  But now I'm feeling a little stronger.  Posting at this forum was monumental in being able to get ahold of this. I'll pray for you to find some comfort.  Keep posting here until you've said everything you need to say.  I'm so very sorry.

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I'm glad to hear you say that, Robbie.  It's so important to find support such as this and give ourselves the chance to process our grief...it's little by little.  The Bible talks about that concept, when it mentions precept by precept...in other words it doesn't come all at once, but little by little we adjust.  When my husband died, it was unexpected, a shock, and I wanted to die.  We don't think we can bear it, don't know how we'll live, how we'll make it through it...and I imagine that's how I'll feel when my current dog goes.  I don't know how I'll get through it but I know that I will, I'll have to, if I've survived my loss of George, I'll somehow do it again with Arlie.  It's not something we ever want to think about, but once we've had an earthshattering loss, it occurs to us, we worry about losing others in our lives.  I've learned to take one day at a time and 12 1/2 years later I still have to to that.  It breaks it down into something more manageable.

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Thank you for your replies, in a way it gives me comfort knowing I’m not the only one going through this, selfish I know, but everything you have said has validated the way I feel.

It has been a week now since Murron died and I feel like I have been through every emotion under the sun. At one point I felt like I had no tears left and it’s been difficult for my husband too, we’re not in sync with our grief which is hard as I manage to gather myself and then he starts to cry which results in us both sobbing and vice versa. He has been a tower of strength in other ways though, he put her belongings out of sight for the time being, dealt with the vet and insurance etc. 

I don’t blame my father in law for what happened, it was a tragic accident but I have been torturing myself with the ‘what ifs’, like what if we had arrived home earlier and we took her out instead or what if her harness and lead had been in the car with us and she couldn’t have been taken out? These thoughts plague me but I do know they will pass.

As someone who doesn’t want children, I have found a tremendous amount of comfort in believing that Murron was put on this earth to show me what unconditional love feels like, she showed me that and beyond. I also feel, at times, that she was far too good for this earth. I’m not a religious person but I really do hope that she is somewhere having fun and will come to check in on us from time to time. Like the other day, I was exhausted and on the cusp of sleep when I heard a whining sound similar to that which Murron made when she wanted onto the bed with me and I could sense someone on the bed (even though I was alone) and I felt frightened to turn to look that’s how strong the feeling was. I said to my husband about it and he asked why I didn’t look, I regret not looking but I was scared as I don’t believe in that sort of thing.  However, this feeling was so strong that other than exhaustion I can’t explain the sound or feeling. 

We have made the decision to adopt another fur baby into our lives as we have so much love to give to a dog and them to us.  They will never replace our beautiful girl and will have mighty big paws to fill but we’re hoping that they will help mend the dog shaped hole in our hearts. 

This was a picture of our girl.

6DCB4B3D-C443-4FDA-A9F2-9A7244421804.jpeg

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Good to see you back here and that you read our posts. What a sweet pup. I am glad you are doing okay although I know you are still so sad. A week is still so new. :(

The what-ifs are the worst! You can do them endlessly and it's an awful thing our minds do to us. Good that you are trying to stop those.

My husband and I don't have kids together. Our cat was our child for 10 years. I told him I will always need a pet (cat for me, thought I love dogs too) in my life. So, 4.5 months after the passing of our cat, we adopted a 2 year old kitty. I look at the pet adoption website, there are so many that are lonely and need a loving home. People like us and like you guys can give that loving home so I am glad you will get another puppy at some point.

I will say, I cried a lot even with the new cat. I still wanted our cat back, she reminded me of his loss. Shopping for her food reminded me of him. But I have come to love her and appreciate her differences. There will never be another one like the one we had. I will have a crack in my heart forever from him. But I will live to love again. That's just what we animal lovers do. And I believe Murron's spirit was and is with you.     

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20 hours ago, Rich&sam1985 said:

I regret not looking but I was scared as I don’t believe in that sort of thing.

I have found that there is so much that we DON'T know that we aren't limited by our beliefs.  Our beliefs are what we know or believe so far.  There is much about the life beyond that we can't comprehend, but this I know, there's something beyond just this physical life.  We continue.

Your dog is so adorable, I love her coloring, her eyes.  I pray you feel peace when you find your next furbaby.  They don't replace the one we lost but they do burrow their way into our hearts.  Thank you for sharing your picture.

Those of you who don't have children...really, they are just for a time anyway and it goes by so fast.  I really enjoyed raising mine but now they're grown and long gone, busy with their own lives.  I've always had dogs and cats, and they are great companions in my old age.  But to each of them there is a season and it's not long enough.  Loss is just plain hard no matter when it comes.

15 hours ago, AJWCat said:

I have come to love her and appreciate her differences. There will never be another one like the one we had. I will have a crack in my heart forever from him.

So truly spoken!  That's how I feel about my Miss Mocha.  There never existed another cat like her.  When big dogs came over, she may have been trembling inside but she always put on a brave front!  She was so good with dogs!  Her and Arlie even curled up together, big as he is.  :)

Arlie & Miss Mocha sleeping.JPG

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16 hours ago, AJWCat said:

The what-ifs are the worst! You can do them endlessly and it's an awful thing our minds do to us. Good that you are trying to stop those.

The "what ifs" and guilt are part of grief, it's our natural way of trying to come up with a different possible outcome.  I hope these articles are of help, they have been to me.

http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf 

http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml

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21 hours ago, Rich&sam1985 said:

I’m not a religious person but I really do hope that she is somewhere having fun and will come to check in on us from time to time.

Whether it happens this way or not, it brings me comfort in thinking so...

 

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