dog death feel like itll only get worse, dont know how I’m supposed to move on

[Dome]

my little terrier died yesterday, and i know its too soon to even begin to say it wont get better but the loss... its just so present, like i’m painfully aware of it. there hasnt been pne minute between yesterday and today i havent tought of him. today i got two hours of sleep because the anxiety wont let me sleep. i know on the back of my head that he’s gone, but for some reason I keep thinking about the place we buried him in (the beach, his favorite place) and I feel he’s going to wake up alone and scared, and that thought pains me beyond reason. since yesterday I started hearing him, seeing him around the house, i feel like im going crazy and literally haven’t stopped crying, ive been crying at least once every two hours, everything hurts. and the worst thing? I feel like my family doesnt feel it as much as I do. yesterday my mom threw away all of his stuff & i didnt stop her because i didnt want her to be ... dismissive about it. she probably wouldn’t have thrown it away if i had said anything, but the pain of seeing her acting like she didnt care about his death would’ve been too much. all my sisters have moved on too... after we buried him they all went back to their normal lives and i feel so selfish for feeling angry about it but he was such a big part of our lives? i feel offended that they couldnt even pretend to be sad for a day. 

The pain has been so unbearable that ive taken a soft blanket and pretend im petting him when the pain gets  too bad. 

I just feel ... empty. he wasnt just a dog, he was a part of my family, he was like my child. I gave him so much care and love and im just so worried he didn’t know how much he meant to me. I wish i couldve hugged him and told him how much he meant to me, even if he didnt fully understand it

 

[KayC]

I am so sorry you lost your little dog, I know how heart wrenching that can be, I'm an avid dog lover and have lost too many over the years.  If only they could live as long as we do!  

Your feelings are normal in grief.  Your family each had a relationship with him but it's not the same as yours, it sounds like the two of you were close and had a very special relationship.  I hope you do talk to your mom about your feelings and it would help you to see a professional grief counselor as well.  Please take this very seriously because grief can be difficult to navigate by ourselves and you can use some help with someone guiding you through it that understands about grief.  Also, is it too late to get something back that she threw away?  It helps to have a collar or toy or something that was special of his to hang onto.  I still have my Lucky's collar and leash and she's been gone since 2008!  It could be your family feels it more than you think and is concealing their feeling because they don't want to upset you further.  It helps to share in it and talk about your feelings.

You are right, they aren't "just a dog", they are family and feel very much like a child of ours.

Perhaps you could write your feelings to him in a journal, tell him how you feel.  When we die, our bodies give out but our spirit continues, we're energy and that doesn't die, it just changes form.  I don't know your beliefs but I'm Christian and believe we'll be reunited and that hope keeps me going, I hope it brings you comfort as well.

 

[AJWCat]

@Dome, so sorry to hear about your sweet dog's passing. I know how awful and heartbreaking it is. I wonder if your Mom is really sad and that was how she was dealing? People deal in different ways. That said, what you are going through is understandable even of they don't share in your level of grief. The people who come to a forum like this get it for sure.

I was devastated after suddenly losing my cat, could barely function the first couple days, could not eat or sleep well.

This will not last, I promise you. You will get better. The pain gets replaced by the good memories which are clouded now by sadness. There is no easy path when we lose something we love so much. You just do the best you can. Please take KayC's advice too. If you don't want to talk to your family, writing it out or coming here to vent helps! It has for me.