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spending christmas alone in my college dorm...


lena765

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This is my first time posting on here, but i'm 19 & my mom died this halloween of cancer and the holidays have felt so unreal and terrible.  I never really felt like it was christmas or thanksgiving on any holiday but i at least was around family and decorations and it made it kind of real? Now i just feel really empty and depressed and I'm not looking forward to the rest of my life being like this. It's been a rough couple of months and I try my best to keep distracted even though i have no motivation and can hardly get out of bed but when I actually think about it and my life, it just gets really bad... I still can't believe I'm really all alone in the world now and no one cares, my mom's gone and she's not here to care and she was really the  only person that did. My siblings (younger than me) are moving away and I hardly see them anymore as is, my grandparents haven't even called me to check on how i'm doing or even say merry christmas. I just feel so completely alone and done. I really have no family anymore and no one cares about me. Just can't believe this really happened to me. Not looking forward to all of christmas break alone with my thoughts. Or the rest of my life honestly. Just wish my mom was still here...

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I am so sorry to read your post you have been through a lot. Just know I am thinking of you and hope things get better. Take it day by day or even moment by moment. My mother passed the end of July and I thought I made it through today being Christmas until about an hour ago.  My spouse just does not understand my grief. I’m glad I found this forum. I completely understand your last sentence, it gives me hope that there are others that understand what I am going through.

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Dear lena765,

I'm very sorry for your loss. I know the pain and sorrow is deep. It is so hard without our parents.

Please know you are not alone in your thoughts and feelings. Grief has so many raw emotions and it takes a long time to go through them all.

I wanted to send my support, love and hugs! And let you know that is okay to reach out for help. There are resources in the community. I have tried counselling and joining a support group. Its not a magic pill for the pain but it does help to know others are there to lend an ear if you need to talk.

Take care of yourself the best you can. We are here for you. We care about you.

Thinking of you and hope the next moment is a little better.

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lena765,

I am so sorry you had to go through that... it sounds like a tough way to spend Christmas for sure and I really hope you can get more support to make life feel more bearable. There's gotta be someone out there who cares - this community cares for sure. I know that grief is a very painful process and can make you feel isolated and alone a lot of the time. Still, I'm sorry for what you've had to endure this past couple of months. Is there any way you can possibly talk to a grief counselor to help you through this? Don't be afraid to reach out if you feel the need to. 

Just remember, you are not alone. We're here for you. I know I miss my parents and life just feels meaningless without them here sometimes. I understand how tough it can be... but like Amanda said, we gotta take it one day or one moment at a time. You are in my thoughts during this tough time.

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Hi Lena765, have you phoned your siblings. They may be feeling the same way as you and missing you terribly. Use the phone to keep in touch with your brothers/sisters.
You are young and this is a rough trip but you also have a lot of time in this world to make friends and find people who care about you.
In time you will find a partner who cares for you and/or close friends. Your siblings will grow up and could become your best friends.
It feels horribly right now but time will make it better.
Also, have you phoned your grand parents. They are likely to also be hit hard by the loss of their daughter.
I'm sending a big hug to you XOXOX
 

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Dear Lena765, 

I am so sorry you are going through this, it's very hard and I can only imagine how you feel being in college going through this. I miss my mom so much too and I will continue to miss her, it's so very painful.  Please know there are people here to support you. Stay in touch with your siblings and grandparents, as they deal with their own pain. Confide in those around you too, so they can help you to keep going and continue in school. Please also seek out a school counselor, your school has resources to help you through this so you can talk to someone about your feelings and also talk to someone about your education. Look for that support and know that even though it doesn't feel like it now, you have a promising and good future ahead. Try to get into a routine--exercise, go for walks, eat well, study, do your best. Do the next right thing, no matter how small--even if it's getting up and getting dressed. Do the next right thing, keep doing that. You can do this one day at a time, one moment at a time. It can be overwhelming to think beyond the day sometimes in grief, focus on the day and the moment. People do care and as life goes on you will meet more people who care.  Your mom will always be in your heart, remember what she has taught you, how she loves you, how she would want you to be okay, write down your memories of her, and each day look for ways to honor your mom. You will get through this. It hurts so much, but you will get through this. We're all pulling for you, Lena. Sending you prayers for comfort and strength. Please take good care. Remember one day at a time, one moment at a time. Best to you. 

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