Members Silva85 Posted December 24, 2017 Members Report Share Posted December 24, 2017 Hi everyone, I havent been on this forum for almost 6 months... I thank you all very much for your support and help!!! I lost my partner 6 months ago, he was only 32... it happened very suddenly and its been very hard since he passed away. It also makes it difficult to visit his family and friends cause we had a long distance relationship. I am not able to visit his city much often. I visited his house last october and I want to return to see his family and friends again but its also very intens and painfull. His friends are asking me if I will come to a New Years Eve party... the thing is its kinda expensive to go ( with a 2 hour flight cause its holiday season) and although its good to see them I dont know If I can do it emotionally.... I really would like to see them again but i am planning to go in february and then seeing some of his friends. I am not that party type of person for New Years Eve, and it will be the first without him so I am really doubting if I should go to see his friends or wait until february. On the other hand I feel like I am missing out if I dont go and maybe it will do me very good. I just dont know whats wise to do.... Waiting until february or celebrating the New Year with his friends.... The practical problem is that I maybe have to rent a house or stay in a hotel cause my partners house is still there but the family started making the house empthy and cleaning out. They have no idea how long they will keep the house but I dont really feel like sleeping in his house cause his family took some furniture so it makes me sad to come there and it would make it very hard emotionally. His family doesent live is the same city so I would either have to sleep at his friends house or rent a house/go to a hotel to get a good night sleep.... Thats also whats making me doubting to go....I wanted to stay home and give myself some rest but I am also thinking maybe I should push myself and then i would feel good and share memories with his friends.... If anyone could give me advice i would be really happy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted December 24, 2017 Moderators Report Share Posted December 24, 2017 I think you know already in your heart what is right for you to do but are feeling pressured into doing differently. Go with your heart. You aren't a party person, you aren't comfortable staying in his house and may not feel comfortable staying with his friends either and staying in a hotel would be hard financially, you're already planning on going there in February, so it doesn't have to be on New Year's. Wherever you will be on New Year's, you can rest assured his spirit will be with you. Give yourself the rest you need, this grief is exhausting. You don't owe anyone an explanation but if you choose to give one, just simply say you will be there in February but are not able to at New Year's. It doesn't matter that everyone else understand, they can't, they're not you, and this is not their experience. What matters is that you be true to yourself and your needs right now. You need the most tender loving care, understanding and patience right now, more than ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Perfalcon Posted December 24, 2017 Members Report Share Posted December 24, 2017 I agree with KayC. It seems you already know what you want to do, so just follow your instinct. People should understand, but even if they don't it doesn't really matter - you don't want to make things harder on yourself, especially as the start of a new year is likely to increase the painfulness of missing the person you love - I'm dreading it. Give yourself the time and space you need. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members KMB Posted December 24, 2017 Members Report Share Posted December 24, 2017 I also agree. Listen to your heart and what feels right for you. No one else understands what it is really like in your shoes. Going into a new year that is not going to include our beloved one is hard enough, without feeling pressured to celebrate and worry over a place to stay and the finances. There are going to be many more "new years" in the future when we might do things differently. Always listen to your heart and inner voice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Francine Posted December 27, 2017 Members Report Share Posted December 27, 2017 On 12/24/2017 at 5:31 AM, Silva85 said: Thats also whats making me doubting to go....I wanted to stay home and give myself some rest but I am also thinking maybe I should push myself and then i would feel good and share memories with his friends.... Ditto with everyone else response. Stop fighting with yourself with what you know is best for you. Listen to your heart; trust your instincts; trust your intuition; know that you can. You don't need to explain or justify your feelings to anyone; just trust your own inner guidance, it knows best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tineke H Posted December 28, 2017 Members Report Share Posted December 28, 2017 Totally agree with everybody's responses.We have to decide for ourselves what is 'good' for us and not try to follow the line that others may think is good for us.It has been over 1 1/2 years since my husband died and I still find it hard to go to 'parties' and behave as if I am having a good time.My experience is that people understand any way, so just follow your heart.Only do what you feel is right for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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