Members soheartbroken Posted November 28, 2007 Members Report Share Posted November 28, 2007 Hello everyone! I'm new here, I've been searching for a support group online. My husband of ten years passed away November 7, 2007. He had been ill for 3 months. He had always been a very healthy man. He never even took an aspirin. It started one day when he said he felt alittle dizzy than started feeling alittle tired. He worked from home, so him and I spent alot of time together. I was a stay at home mom for 7 years. I made appointments after appoinments with primary physicians, neurologist, allergist, opthamologist, psychologist, psychiatrist and three emergency rooms later. He got to the point where he started sleeping more and more about 18 hours a day. Everyone sent him away and diagnosed him with having depression, thats why I ended up at the psychologist/psychiatrist. By this time hes dizzy,extremely fatiqued, headaches,confused and having issues with focusing his eyes. How can this be depression? My children by this time are also wondering why dad does not interact anymore. He does not do anything he use to enjoy anymore. He was the most outgoing person you could ever meet. Myself very shy, but not him. I took him back to the emergency room Monday 11-5-07 he's finally admitted to the hospital at this time he's now pretty lethergic and unsteady on his feet. By Tuesday morning he's already had another MRI, lumbar puncture, CT scan more blood work. Tuesday evening we had the neurologist tell us they've ruled out bacteria and fungus whats left is viral. They believed he had viral encephalitis (swelling of the brain). They told my mother in law and I that they will start him on an antiviral medication and we will see a difference by Wednesday. We were so EXCITED finally some results with no residual effects and finally I would have my husband back. You do not know how EXCITED I was to hear this great news. After 3 months of stressing trying to get him to the right dr. and praying for answers. We told everyone we knew including our children that dad would be better soon. I went back to the hospital that evening around 8 pm to see how he was doing and the nurse said he had a temp of 102.5. also that he had erratic heart beat that day. The dr. had told me nothing to worry about. I left my husband and told him I loved him and I will be back in the morning and that he was going to be fine! I made one last phone call to the hospital around 11:00pm that Tuesday night to see if temp went down and his nurse said it had gone down to 99.0. I didn't get much sleep that night as I was anxious to see results in my husband the next day Wednesday 7th 2007. I started that morning with my usual routine wake up and shower at 6:30 start getting children ready for school. Well as I stood in front of my vanity blow drying my hair the telephone rang it's 7 at this time. I picked up the telephone and it was his dr. He said Teresa I just want to let you know Mr. Collins had a seizure and his heart stopped, BUT we intubated him and he's now in ICU. I hung up and as I tried leaving the house the phone rang again and this time it was a nurse she then said can the family come down. Just then in my heart, I knew what they had to tell us. It was the worst day of my entire life! The longest 10 minute drive to the hospital it felt like hours before arriving there. Just then my life had changed for ever. Now it's just myself and my 3 children. My 6 year old cries herself to sleep some nights. It just hurts so bad to see your children hurt too. I know I will hurt forever but will it get any easier? I just can't accept I will never see him again. He was a wonderful man, always optimistic and never a quitter. He has instilled so many wonderful things into our children and myself. He was my life my best friend. I miss him every second of everyday. I will forever feel incomplete with out him. I loved him so much and he loved us the same. Sorry for the book. Maybe I should invest in a journal next time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members armaiti Posted November 28, 2007 Members Report Share Posted November 28, 2007 I'm so sorry you had to have this loss and come to find us here, but it's a good support community. You might want to post and look at posts on the "I Miss Him So..." message board, that's where most of us post who have lost our husbands/boyfriends/significant others. It is so early for you and to have him pass so close to the holidays is heartbreaking for you and your children.One of the main things that I learned (it's been fifteen months for me) is that only YOU know what is the right way for you to grieve. Don't let anyone else tell you what to do. One thing I like to encourage someone in our situation to do is to WAIT...don't get rid of all his stuff, or make too many changes right away. I let Ishaq's things hang in the closet for a year before I put anything away, and I didn't get rid of anything. You never know what you might want, or your kids might want of his when they are older. Every holiday and birthday I send Ishaq's kids, who are grown, something that belonged to their dad. I make a calender every year for the family with pictures of him in it. I don't know what your spiritual tradition is, if you have one, but I am a firm believer that we go on in a new form when we pass, and Ishaq has been with me a lot over these months, both in dreams and in the physical world. The signs can be subtle and have meaning only for you...My dear friend and teacher, who was with me when we dressed Ishaq for his cremation and did ceremony with him, told me it takes one full walk around the sun, one whole year, to go through the grieving process. In some Native traditions, it is said to take seven years. Whatever you feel you need to feel and need to do will be right for you. My prayers are with you on your journey.Blessings,Anna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members soheartbroken Posted November 28, 2007 Author Members Report Share Posted November 28, 2007 Armaiti, Thank you for the kind words... My sister dropped by today with her new boyfriend and he kept telling that I have to move on! I could'nt believe what I was hearing. He said life goes on so get with it. It's only been 3 weeks today since my love has left me. I break down everyday but yesterday and today have been really hard for me. I take the children to school and come to this empty home. I try to keep busy but I always seem to resort to my bedroom and end up sitting crying and upset asking WHY?? What could I have done to get him well? The only time he EVER depended on me to help him, I feel like I let him down. He NEVER as a husband or father let us down. He always wanted the best for his family. I'm glad I found this site! I will make sure next time I post on the board. Thanks again Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members crushedheart Posted November 28, 2007 Members Report Share Posted November 28, 2007 soheartbroken...I'm so very sorry about your loss..I too know how horrible it is ..as I lost my beloved just 4 months ago.July 26th /07..Like your's mine just got sick all of a sudden with walking pneumonia altho at the time his doctor wasn't sure what it was when we got him to the hospital ......One week after being put in the hospital and on life support..we was having his funeral ..after 3 days he was taken off life support and doing fine everyone was so grateful and excited we just knew he was going to be alright and back home with us in a few days or so ..we were over joyed.. Then on the 4th night ..He was Gone.. Just closed his eyes ..held our youngest daughters hand ..repeated over and over to her ..*NOT TO PANIC* and was GONE..The shock was devastating ..He was a working man ...we raised 2 daughters...and was enjoying the grandkids...and looking forward to his retirement next year in April...He lived for his family ...You're sister's boyfriend sounds like one I'd throw out of my house..lol.. Anna is right ..don't let anyone tell you how to grieve How long or anything else ..Go at your own pace..it's such a rollercoaster ride..you'll have days that you'll want to SCREAM...let me off this rollercoaster .. then days of just pure numbing pain ....Hope you keep coming back to this board...or *I Miss Him So * board ..Vent ..Kick ..Scream ...what ever you need to do to let it out ...you're amoung those of us that's walked where your at...your wound is so tender right now...we're here for you ...Hugssss and prayers for you and your precious children Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sueboo60 Posted November 28, 2007 Members Report Share Posted November 28, 2007 Soheartbroken,I too,lost my husband in october it was so hard for me .I am new here too,my husband had been ill for a long time he had lung problems and other things going on.I was his wife,nurse.I miss him everyday i thought i was the only one that cryied all time but im not there is others out there just like you and i,but it still dont take away the hurt and lonelyness.I am dreading Christmas my kids are grown up.I hope your kids are ther for you to help you for the holidays.But i just wanted to let you know I'll be thinking of you and hope you will be ok.God Bless you and your family,Sue Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members laquinn Posted November 28, 2007 Members Report Share Posted November 28, 2007 I also lost my husband suddenly in October. He was diagnoed in Febuary of this year with renal cell carmomia in the right kiddney they removed the kidney in April was fine went back to work full time in June. From June till august I had him at the emergency room once a month with pain either in his right arm or in his back. Did x-rays could not find anything wrong. The end of August had him back out there and told them I wanted a bone scan done (after someone else told me to). They did it the next morning and had to wait till after Labor day for results. Found out he had bone cancer now. He had 6 radition treatments had to be put in the hospital so wwe could get his pain under controll. All he kept telling me was I want to go home! So after 2 weeks in the hospital I took him home and he was home 1 week and then passed there was nothing they could do.The holidays are going to be really tuf here and I know they will be for you also but a friend keeps telling me one day at a time and one holiday at a time. My boys are grown and married with kids of thier own we did Thanksgiving with the whole family but we are going to do Christmas by ourselves. Somedays I to just sit and cry and there are other days that are better not a whole lot but better, everyone keeps telling me it will get better but just not sure when that will be. This board has helped me alot by nowing that I am not the only one out there that feels the same way I do. So keep coming back it helps!Lela Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rodless Posted November 28, 2007 Members Report Share Posted November 28, 2007 I want to reinforce what Anna said. No one can tell you how long or how hard to grieve. We all do it at our own pace. And isn't it true... we really don't know how it feels to lose the love of our lives until it happens to us. I am almost at the 17 month mark and things are better for me but I still have bad days and cry myself to sleep once in awhile. Last year at this time I was a mess although I didn't let very many people know it. Take each peaceful moment you can get and know that others here understand and care. Mary Jo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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