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I Lost my mother


mako7

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Hello everyone. I lost my mother yesterday. She had cancer and was going to undergo chemotherapy. But she decided that her life was not going to be worth fighting this terrible disease and she ended it. It was unfortunately a most horrific way to go(I won't go into any details now). She left her husband,daughter and her son(me). I am 23 years old and just getting around to starting my life and now I have to do it without her. I miss her so much. I can't put my pain into words.

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Hi mako7, I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't know what else to say. Having been through it myself, still going through it, all I know is a big hug. There are no words I know to take away the pain, just a big hug to you.

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Dear tessa, 

Thank you for your message. It was such a shock. I can't describe it. I am doing a little better today but the pain is still there. I hope she knows how much she is loved and missed by us all.

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Dear mako7,

My deepest condolences and sympathies. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know its horribly painful time. Please know that everything you are thinking and feeling is natural and normal.

We are here to listen and support you in anyway we can.

Thinking of you and your family. Sending all my thoughts and prayers.

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I'm so sorry for your loss! My mom committed suicide on 8/31/17 - I found her the day after (she lived alone and I did a welfare check on her after not hearing from her during the day). Our situation is similar in that our mothers didn't want to endure suffering. My mom wasn't terminal but she was in a lot of chronic pain following a car accident 13 years ago. She went through 3 surgeries, and many painful treatments/injections/physical therapy sessions that weren’t helping. Then about 2 years ago she stared to deteriorate so badly that doctors started talking about 2 more surgeries…and she chose not to live that way.

Please know that no matter how difficult it is, you’re not alone and you will get through this. When I first learned about my mom, I actually wondered if it’s even worth for me to continue living (I’m 31, have a loving fiancé, a good career and health)…I kept reliving the moment I found her and I kept “seeing” her taking last steps to that room where she killed herself.

Now almost 4 months later, I’m far from “normal” but improving. I still feel like I get “hit” every day with the fact that she’s gone – I just can’t comprehend that she’s gone. Being around family and very close friends helps a lot, we talked about mom and her decision to end her life. I usually keep private and to myself but this was too much to hold in so I talked and cried a lot. To this day, most people (I’m talking “friends” on social media) don’t even know that she’s gone but I have a very close circle of real friends and being around them helps a lot. I also try to keep busy and keep my mind occupied. I think of my mom 24/7 but having other things to do like work or cleaning/cooking gives my mind something else to focus on, and that does help. Also, the fact that she’s out of pain gives me some comfort.

There isn’t a whole lot that I can say to make you feel “better” but I’m hoping that sharing my experience with you will give you some comfort that things will improve. 

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