My Cat Is Now Gone, Crying

[StephDLin]

5 months ago a stray cat walked into my home and she looked so pitifully thin and sad, that I immediately adopted her. Took her to the vet and they said she was very elderly, etc. I spent the next month or so trying to get her to eat, she was so emaciated and seemed to have lost her appetite. Finally it picked up and she started eating, drinking etc. But shortly after, obvious health issues reared. She would go through spells of serious vomiting, started having constant diarrhea and her appetite diminished once again. I took her to the vet once again, they did fecal and blood work tests (all came out normal) and recommended that I try food for sensitive stomachs. I did, it made no change. I was then told to try a limited ingredient food since it could be IBD or food allergies, which I did. Didn't help. We tried anti-inflammatory medication and antibiotics, also no help. They said she is too weak and elderly to handle invasive procedures and given that we ruled all other things out it would be best to see if her health somehow improves or let her go. Well, earlier today she was clearly in so much pain. She looked at me with those eyes of hers, and I knew it was time. I took her to the emergency vet clinic and she was euthanized. 

This has been the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I feel like I failed her, I feel so guilty for the fact that I couldn't make her better. She passed quickly and painlessly, but I'm grief stricken over this. Everywhere I look, I see her old sleeping spots. She loved being doted on and my heart and home feel like there's a huge piece missing. I can't stop crying. I may have only been her human for 5 months, but I spent so much time loving on her and trying to get her well..that we bonded so incredibly strongly. I don't know when I'll feel okay again. 

[AJWCat]

Hi @StephDLin, I am so sorry for the loss of your kitty. Your story, though sad, is so amazing. You are such a good person to spend your time and money on a cat you just met - to take her in like you did. The end of her life could have been so much worse. Months of being alone, hungry, and unloved were her fate until you. I know you feel guilty but you are the hero of this story, there is absolutely no need for it. She passed after getting to be with you, loved, and at least, "peacefully" on good terms rather than on the streets. 

All that said, I know how painful this is and how badly you miss her. No matter how short the time, you definitely had a bond (like she was literally sent to you) and so of course you are heartbroken. It will take some time. Let yourself cry and grieve her loss, it is really all you can do.  

[KayC]

StephDLin,

I'm so sorry.  I understand how hard it is when your pet has digestive issues.  My granddoggy had Colitis, which we controlled with a certain dogfood and metamucil.  However, I got a dog, also a Husky, and he had acute chronic Colitis, and even the gastrointestinal dogfood the vet sold us didn't help.  I cook for him, brown rice, chicken breasts, and 8 different vegetables he can tolerate.  It's a lot of work but it's working so I have been doing it for the last two years, I also add Metamucil and probiocs. and fishoil, and (washed, baked, ground into powder) eggshells.  He was up to 140 lbs but is now at goal weight, 110.

Your little kitty had a parent that cared about her and tried everything known to man to help her, and it's so sad that it didn't work.  I know how awful that feels, my dog can't tolerate the antibiotics they'd put him on, they made him even sicker, so I know how futile it feels.  I'm glad, like AJW said, she knew she was loved and got to pass peacefully.  What a horrid life she would have had left to fend on her own on the streets!

I know the triggers and reminders are everywhere, we all struggle with that in our grief.  In time the tears will lessen but she will always remain in your heart.

 

[StephDLin]

Thank you both for replying and the kind words. I know I made the right decision, the best choice for her. I also realize that the grief I'm feeling is due to the fact that I loved her so very much.  If there's any true peace I feel, it's that she could have died alone and unloved. Instead she was adored and became one of my furbabies. I'll always hold her in my heart. I got her ashes today and made a place for her. I hold on to, feel at least partially comforted by the fact that she'll always have a home with me. No more being alone, ever. She'll never have to suffer or be alone ever gain. 

I know it might seem silly to others, but having her ashes here is comforting.  I feel like I can sit down and talk to her, tell her how much I love and miss her. Tell her goodnight before I go to bed. It makes this a bit easier. 

[KayC]

She's very sweet looking.  What you said 

7 hours ago, StephDLin said:

she'll always have a home with me. No more being alone, ever. She'll never have to suffer or be alone ever gain. 

That's the promise I made to Kitty.  Kitty grew up in a drug-user trailer court in Portland OR.  The first ten years of her life were spent there, people would take her in, then abandon her.  She'd never been to a vet.  Someone crudely "fixed" her so she couldn't have more kittens, the cord hanging out her belly.  My XH took her in for a couple of years, and I met her, buying her a Princess towel to sleep on when she was on his Harley, and her own special catfood dishes.  He brought her to my house just before he dumped and abandoned both of us.  I felt a connection with her, maybe because we were both in the same boat, so to speak, and I promised her a forever home and told her I would never abandon her, that she could retire in the manner she deserved.  Here she is all these years later, now she is 22 and still with me, in great health for her age, she's lost some of her hearing but still gets around great and feisty as ever.  She knows she's at home here and loves it.  No more trailer court full of people ditching her, no more scrounging for food, no more nights out in the cold.

You gave your cat what all cats want and deserve, a safe haven full of love and care.  God bless you for being there for her.  Funny thing is, we get back more than we could ever give!

KITTY, age 22

[AJWCat]

Awww what a great story @KayC - true survivors, both of you! Sweet kitty.

Steph, I am glad you speak to her, I speak out loud to my cat sometimes, just makes me feel better. I don't have his ashes, I have his favorite giant white mouse toy on the floor by my bed. My reminder.