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Feeling Numb & Scared


Dustball

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I lost my dad 2 days ago. He was 80, but healthier than me, he excercised regularly, never smoked, took care of himself. He lived 3 hours away, and we spoke on the phone regularly. But I would also regularly get phonecalls from a sister that lives in that city asking if I knew anything about him, he was prone to leaving his cellphone in the car and not answering for hours. On December the 8th, I received a phonecall from a friend of his asking if I knew anything about him, he stood her up. My siblings thought he was hiding from her or just forgot his phone again. But I knew something was wrong and it took me a while to get someone to go check on him. He had a stroke.

He was rushed to the hospital, still conscious, he was sedated and that was the last time he was conscious. The diagnosis was he will be fine to we don't know how bad the brain injury is to he needs a surgery where we will take away part of his skull to he's got hours to live. He still hung on for a couple more days.

During this time we had to make horrible decisions, and this process was so brutal I couldn't stop crying and yelling and I took it very roughly. Yesterday I was a zombie. Today I am fine. I know from previous experience losing my mom 11 years ago that this numbness is normal and soon I will be hit badly.

My boss is being a jackass about the whole thing. I know, I wasted too much time on this. I should get over it right now, I mean, he's gone, there's nothing we can do about it, the show must go on. I feel like giving him the finger and quitting.

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Dear dustball,

I am so sorry for your loss.  The terrible shock you've been through and are in now.  It feels surreal I know.  Like a dream.  Yes it will hit badly in the weeks and months to come.  I'm so sorry.  We are here, going through the same, reading your words.   

p.s your boss is an asshole

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DaddysGirl515

Dustball - I am so very sorry for your loss.  I lost my Dad suddenly on December 9, and I've felt numb ever since.  He was only 74, and I keep thinking about whether we could have done anything to prevent this (he had an aneurysm).  All I can say is spend time with your family and talk about about your feelings.  I have found that very few people understand how you're feeling unless they themselves have lost a parent.  Some people say stupid things (like your boss), and you just want to respond with, "STFU...my Dad just died.  Who cares?!"  Just take it day by day and know that you are not alone. 

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Dear dustball,

My deepest sympathies and condolences. I'm very sorry for your loss. I know its hard right now. Losing a cherished father is a terrible shock.

I'm so sorry to hear about your terrible boss. I wish people could be more sensitive. I don't know if there is any type of bereavement leave or if you can use vacation days to take the time off to be with your family.

You have a right to grieve. Please don't say you have to get over it, because in our hearts this is not something that will ever leave us. It takes a long time to work through all our thoughts and feelings.

Thinking of you and your family. Sending all my thoughts and prayers.

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downtherabbithole

I too just lost my dad yesterday am

he was rushed from his nursing home to the hospital n he was literally dying (complete shock) n my sister n I had to make the agonizing decision to take him off life support 

im still in a state of shock numbness n feel like I'm 5 yrs old n abandoned. 

My husband is treating me like nothing happened is impatient w my ups n downs not expressing myself clearly n is getting upset w me when I keep changing my mind cuz I'm all over the place

he is a minister too. If anyone in the cong calls n needs help he drops everything n runs to help them yet I need to at least feel that he's concerned abt me too. 

I feel utterly alone n hate him n told him I wished I had married someone else (for the past 31 yrs I wished this) n to drop dead

please help me

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Hi downtherabbithole,
I'm sorry for your loss. The way you're feeling right now is normal for grieving. It only happened yesterday.
From my own experience, in time the shock, numbness, loneliness, anxiety and all those emotions, they subside with time so just hang in there.
Are you able to get away from your husband for a short while. Do you have siblings or uncles/aunts, mother, friends, someone that you can go and spend a week or even a weekend with, to take the extra pressure of your husband off you until you are better able to cope again.
It does get better with time but I can't say it will ever be the same again.
 

 

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On 2017-12-19 at 9:45 AM, DaddysGirl515 said:

Dustball - I am so very sorry for your loss.  I lost my Dad suddenly on December 9, and I've felt numb ever since.  He was only 74, and I keep thinking about whether we could have done anything to prevent this (he had an aneurysm).  All I can say is spend time with your family and talk about about your feelings.  I have found that very few people understand how you're feeling unless they themselves have lost a parent.  Some people say stupid things (like your boss), and you just want to respond with, "STFU...my Dad just died.  Who cares?!"  Just take it day by day and know that you are not alone. 

I can completely relate to you. I just lost my dad suddenly two weeks ago and wonder if there was something we could have done to prevent this. I am so numb!!!   Life is so depressing now!

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