Members Wendy ME Posted December 19, 2017 Members Report Share Posted December 19, 2017 Hi, To everyone on this forum I send love and strength for the next while. We are all struggling with that terrible dread of the festive season. The decorations, cards, busy shopping centres are all sad reminders. I simply want to cry. Take care and make it the Christmas that you can deal with. I am staying home..only just over 3 months since Ray passed and it hurts being without him. I had 43 Christmas times and now it is empty. I bought myself a gift for the morning and will do the day differently to ease the pain. In our hearts we feel the weight of loss. I wish for Christmas that the love we have for our loved ones remains and the heartache diminishes. Love from Wendy in sunny Australia. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lovingstill Posted December 19, 2017 Members Report Share Posted December 19, 2017 Oh, Wendy. This has been the hardest holiday season of my life, and my dear beloved's passing was mid November, days before the American holiday of Thanksgiving. We had plans to drive up to his sister's house that week. The holidays will never be the same for me. It'll be a long time before I can celebrate them. I purchased his niece and his parents some gifts, kindly signed them from both of us. I gave myself the right to cry as much as possible for Christmas. There was a period last week when I thought I was having a heart attack; the pain was so intense that my chest was really tight. I slept for two straight days then. It was the only thing that helped. We really are broken-hearted. I thought, well at least if I die from broken heart syndrome, there's a chance I'll see him again...so I was ok sleeping because I thought maybe I wouldn't wake up. Still here. Still miserable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Wendy ME Posted December 19, 2017 Author Members Report Share Posted December 19, 2017 Oh darling such early days for us. I know that heart feeling and it hurts. You won't die of heart attack. But I agree some days are soooo hard. Maybe once the festive season goes it will ease up. I cry every day and then some more. I am letting myself feel just as I do. No good making the whole thing worse. Keep hear by pretending. We will all come thru this in time and with loving support. Day by day...sometimes minute by minute. Sending much love Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Stonesie Posted December 19, 2017 Members Report Share Posted December 19, 2017 Thank you Wendy. I'm feeling it hard. Christmas Day is the one year anniversary of losing my Kevin. To be honest... I have no idea how I can possibly survive this. I'm sure I will...but really all I want to do is take a blanket to the cemetery and lay there with him. At least I am having dinner that day at my daughter's house. I'm already crying multiple times a day as I feel it approaching. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Azipod Posted December 19, 2017 Members Report Share Posted December 19, 2017 7 hours ago, Stonesie said: Thank you Wendy. I'm feeling it hard. Christmas Day is the one year anniversary of losing my Kevin. To be honest... I have no idea how I can possibly survive this. I'm sure I will...but really all I want to do is take a blanket to the cemetery and lay there with him. At least I am having dinner that day at my daughter's house. I'm already crying multiple times a day as I feel it approaching. If you feel that lying down on a blanket at your husband's site will be comforting, then I think you should do it. I've met a widow in one of my grief support group that does just that -- she takes a nap there. There is nothing wrong with that. Do what pleasures and feeds you. During our anniversary, I had a picnic with my wife at the site. It was very comforting to me and I am so glad that I did it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted December 19, 2017 Moderators Report Share Posted December 19, 2017 8 hours ago, Stonesie said: Thank you Wendy. I'm feeling it hard. Christmas Day is the one year anniversary of losing my Kevin. To be honest... I have no idea how I can possibly survive this. I'm sure I will...but really all I want to do is take a blanket to the cemetery and lay there with him. At least I am having dinner that day at my daughter's house. I'm already crying multiple times a day as I feel it approaching. Stonesie, It seems so hard that you lost him on Christmas, as if that day on any ordinary day wouldn't be hard enough it's grand slammed with a day that is shoved in our face for months! I felt it was hard enough losing my George on Father's Day, it's a day everyone is busy with their families and I'm left alone to deal with my memories and the haunting of that day. My heartfelt prayers will be with you on Christmas. I hope you can wear the day like a badge of courage because you've survived a whole year of "firsts without" and that is no easy feat! Having come through that, although not unscathed, surviving somehow, we should pat ourselves on the back because really, it is the hardest thing ever we've been called upon to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Stonesie Posted December 22, 2017 Members Report Share Posted December 22, 2017 On 12/19/2017 at 12:57 PM, KayC said: Stonesie, It seems so hard that you lost him on Christmas, as if that day on any ordinary day wouldn't be hard enough it's grand slammed with a day that is shoved in our face for months! I felt it was hard enough losing my George on Father's Day, it's a day everyone is busy with their families and I'm left alone to deal with my memories and the haunting of that day. My heartfelt prayers will be with you on Christmas. I hope you can wear the day like a badge of courage because you've survived a whole year of "firsts without" and that is no easy feat! Having come through that, although not unscathed, surviving somehow, we should pat ourselves on the back because really, it is the hardest thing ever we've been called upon to do. Thank you so much KayC. :'( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Stonesie Posted December 22, 2017 Members Report Share Posted December 22, 2017 On 12/19/2017 at 12:22 PM, Azipod said: If you feel that lying down on a blanket at your husband's site will be comforting, then I think you should do it. I've met a widow in one of my grief support group that does just that -- she takes a nap there. There is nothing wrong with that. Do what pleasures and feeds you. During our anniversary, I had a picnic with my wife at the site. It was very comforting to me and I am so glad that I did it. I am planning to do just that. Then after I will go have dinner at my daughter's house. This is so incredibly painful. I wish things didn't get SO much worse at the one year mark...I had been more functional for a few months and things have slid backwards... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted December 22, 2017 Moderators Report Share Posted December 22, 2017 The ups and downs are part of our grief journey. We never get over this. Functional is something to strive for, little by little adjusting until we create a life we can live. I'm glad you'll be at your daughter's. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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