My Dad died suddenly of an aortic abdominal aneurysm on December 9...

[DaddysGirl515]

Hi all, this is my first post on here.  On December 9, my Dad passed away suddenly from an abdominal aortic aneurysm.  He was 74 and otherwise healthy.  We were very close, so this has been an immense loss for me.  My Mom was with him when it happened, which is a blessing and a curse.  I'm glad that she was the last person he saw, but she can't get the image of him collapsing out of her head.  They were married for 49 years and together for 56 years. 

We celebrated his life yesterday in a beautiful ceremony that I think he would have loved.  From his death until yesterday, all of our energy had been focused on planning the memorial service.  Now, I fear, the reality of our loss will set in.  I'm 33 and an only child, so I have felt very alone throughout this whole process.  My husband has been wonderful, but even though he felt like my Dad was the Dad he never had, he cannot full comprehend my grief.  I am feeling this weird combination of grief but also anxiety about what happens next for my Mom.  I am worried about her living alone in their large house.  So far, she has been really strong, but so far, she hasn't been alone.  I know she's worried about what happens when life goes on for everyone else, but not for her.  I'm worried about that, too.  How do I help her get through this?

[sadandlost]

Dear Daddysgirl515,

I'm very sorry for your loss.  I can tell you from my own experience the shock of loss doesn't wear off very quickly.  Everyone is different, for me it lasted over 3 months.  It was very hard to process.  Now that I am almost a year into grief, what I have learnt is it gets worse over time when one is faced with the full impact of what forever means.  I was very close to my mother so maybe its not exactly the same for everyone.  From what I read here though, reading other peoples posts is it is harder over time.  You and your mom will need each other a lot.  Let her lean on you, lean on her.  Share your grief, help each other.  Feeling alone is normal.  We all feel it.  Its like a big black empty hole that you can't fill.  I don't think anyone can fully comprehend someone else's grief until it happens to them and even then, theirs can be different.  My friend lost her mother almost 3 yrs ago and for her it was nothing like what I'm going through but she had a complicated relationship with her mother so its different.  All I can say to you is support each other.  Very sorry for your loss.

[DaddysGirl515]

sadandlost - I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, too.  Thank you for offering words of advice.  Today was my first day back at work, and it was comforting to see a response from you.  Thanks for your suggestions.

[Ash]

Daddysgirl515,

I am very sorry for your loss. I know it must be tough. The only advice I can really give is to allow yourself time to heal and don't put a time limit on your grief, let yourself feel what you are feeling and take care of yourself. Remember that you are not alone and that people are willing to help you cope with this sudden loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

[Hansenad]

Hello, I'm not sure if you still follow this form but I was wondering how your mother is doing now?  My situation is very similar to yours.  We lost our dad suddenly 2.5 weeks ago and my parents were together for 50 years.  My mother's world is very different now.  How has your mother coped?  My mother lives only about 15 min away from both my brother and I but she is now living in a big house all by herself.  Do you have any advice on how I can comfort my mom?  Does your mom seem to be doing better now?  Thank you.

Ashley

[awiles16]

i am wondering as well about your mother... i’m going through something very similar now like what you did 3 years ago and would love to know how things are going for you and your mother. my father passed away on Nov 17th and we just had his funeral today. I’m feeling very overwhelmed and would love any advice.