tick fever, Kitty died of Tick fever

[Sanduni]

Hello everyone,

Hi my name is Sanduni from Wadduwa Sri Lanka. I lost my dearest cat on 15th of December 2017 at about 8.55pm.

I feel very guilty about his death. Let  me share the story with you. Right now my mind is not in its right place and I hope sharing this story will help me. 

In 2016 Sepetember I found to be exact I rescued this little beautiful kitten who was such a good foodie. I was glad I rescued him because I had no idea where his siblings or mother is. He would have died then unless I rescued him.

He was fed always and taken good care. But with my occupation I could not keep up with the VET appointments.

Because by the time I get home Vet is not there in the clinic or am just too lazy get to the Vet. I should have not being lazy.

 

He got bitten by another cat (didn't see, I assume because of a wound he had) and fell I'll two months ago. Loss his appetite, his activeness and playfull nature. I didn't know why this is happening and he had fever too. When I took him to the Vet, the Vet said it's a virus which is common in that area and gave some vaccinations and meds to be given orally.

Oral treatments were impossible with my little kitty. When he refuse to drink meds I also gave up. I feel so guilty for that. It's my fault that his sickness became worse.

In the meantime I went to the Vet again on 2nd of December because he doesn't eat or drink anything. I requested for a blood check and the Vet said vaccination will be enough. She had known it's tick fever but she never mentioned it to me. She just told me to bring him for vaccinations contunuously for gov months as oral medication was impossible with my kitty.

And the kitty seemed quite okay after that dose of vaccinations and me not knowing it's tick fever and anything about tick fever, didn't take his condition very seriously.

I feel very guilty for I didn't take his condition seriously like I should have. I feel very guilty for not being able to take him to vaccinations when I should have. I wish the Vet explained me what is going on from the beginning so I would have stayed home and taken him to vet or done something or the other.

And on 15th he was extremely  weak and didn't eat or drink much. He was cold and I again took him to vet. Then she took a blood sample and reports were to come on 16th. But that night he died. I cant stop thinking about him. Sometimes I wish I die soon. I wish to get killed by a vehicle on the road or something. This is so much for to hold.

Always question the VET about the slightest thing and every fever every sickness is equally important to be treated and  negligence can cause a lot of pain like what am going through now.  That's the lesson I learnt.

I hope my Kitty Cat will have a great life in the next life. And I hope this will never happen to any other cat and a Cat owner.

[KayC]

I am so sorry.  You are carrying guilt which isn't helpful to you.  Please understand that guilt feelings are common with grief, but that doesn't mean they're deserved.  Sometimes it's a what if I'd done this differently or that, and it's like we're looking for a different possible outcome.  I hope you will read these articles, they've helped me.
http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf 

http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml

I give my cat oral medications every day of her life.  It helps to train them to know that after they get it they will get a treat, then they're more cooperative.  It's worked when I've had to give medication to my dog too, he's big with powerful jaws and as a Husky can be generally headstrong, but knowing he'll get a treat afterwards makes him more cooperative.  I've used this method also with giving him baths, not easy to give 140 lb dog a bath when he doesn't want one, but he's turned into an angel with positive reward laid out before him.  I know it's too late right now, but if you ever have another, you might try it.  I know it's hard to train cats anything, they can become spitfires!

It could be that it was too late once your cat contracted this, I don't know.  

Please don't wish to die, I know you feel that way right now, but hang in there long enough to see some glimmer of hope.   I felt that way when my husband died but I lived through it, and although it's been harder than I can say, I've made it through that and I know if I can make it through that, I should be able to make it through anything, that was the hardest thing I've ever encountered in life.  There IS life worth living, it's up to you to build a life you can live, it takes time and effort.  I don't know if you have grief counseling in your country, but I hope you'll look into it.  Not every doctor is trained in grief, so not just any psychologist but one especially trained in grief, a doctor of Thanatology.  

[Sanduni]

@KayC thank you so much for your words. They really meant so much for me. Yes I understand  and I will never kill myself. This life is precious and I can do more and more good to many humans and animals if I keep living. 

Thank you for teaching me that guilty feelings are common with grief. I am still 23. My paternal grandparents died when I was very young and I didn't feel much sad cause I wasn't attached and this Kitty Cat was more like my own child. 

I understand that when your time comes, no matter what from one way or the other you have to leave Earth. You are very very helpful and I will be more and more stronger like you said. If we can tolerate these kinds of sad event and somehow co-op life and move forward, then I believe we can handle any thing. 

I am sorry about your loss too. Loved ones leave us at the least expected times. My maternal grand father has died in 1982 and my mom was only 15 then. She says how sad my grand mother was and how strong she became and have raised seven children.

Treat the living with love and compassion and you have no regrets lator. I can be really happy that I was very kind to my cat. And yes with my next cat i will sure try what you suggested, the positive reward method. I have not met any grief councillors in my real life but I shall definitely  check up on it.  

You have been kind to me so much. Thank you. May you stay strong always and be happy.

[AJWCat]

I am sorry for your loss. I know it is so difficult to know exactly what is going on with animals. Even vets do the best they cabut they are human. And some are better than others. My cat died of some kind of poisoning I believe, we still do not know nor we will ever know exactly. Whatever it was, I am responsible but I have slowly forgiven myself as hard as it is.

I am heartbroken too - I know how badly you feel. So, please forgive yourself, this was something that may have not been able to prevent or fix, you just do not know. I wish you peace as you go on. It will take some time but that is normal when you love something so much and you lose it. 

[Sanduni]

@AJWCat thank you so much for your kind words, I am slowly recovering from the shock of his loss. These words have being such a great help.

Maybe It was his time. I believe in Kamma and maybe even if he did not die from that he would have died in some other way. I am very sorry about your loss too. I am trying my best to forgive myself. I am scared to fall in Love with Cats again. But that is part of the healing process. Facing our fears, my fear is to admit the fact that he is gone. But I am cooping with it. Because death is inevitable. You me we all die someday or the other. Today we live well, but we never know what is waiting for us in the future. Unexpected things happen and what we should understand is life is always like that. Its hard. But we got to understand it. 

Thank you so much. Yes some vets told it must be a poison for my cat as well. But now he is gone.

I have a dream to make an animal hospital some day and help many animals as I could. Hope that will prevent many sad stories.

[KayC]

And remember there's nothing wrong with how you're feeling, these are normal grief feelings.  It's important to let ourselves feel our grief feelings, it part of processing our grief.

I believe in Karma to don't understand totally how it works because some seem to skate through life without it and others get hit.  Makes you wonder.  Still, what is, is, can't always avoid what comes, but it's ours to deal with.

 

Sanduni, your dream is a wonderful one and I hope you make it happen!  That would be something positive coming from this.

[Sanduni]

Yes I think time will help me a lot to manage my guilt and grief.

Karma works in a complex way than we can imagine. For example Killing an animal doesn't mean you be born as an animal and someone will kill you, yes it might happen, but mostly people face untimely deaths if they have killed people or animals their past. Karma produce both good and bad outcomes depending on your intentions. And it can be immediate, or after so many years or so many lives that you get to harvest the fruits of your good or bad deeds, hence it act in its own complicated way. I just wanted to explain you what it is as of my knowledge

And I went through the links you have provided @KayC and they were really helpful.

Yes we should never let grief overrule us and not let us do all the good things we can do for us and others. Thank you so much for your encouraging words! 

 

[KayC]

11 hours ago, Sanduni said:

Karma produce both good and bad outcomes depending on your intentions.

That's how I think too, that it's based on intentions.  I'm not Catholic, but even Catholics recognize a difference in sins, they refer to them as mortal or venial.  I don't think something unintentional is a sin, but something intentionally wrong is.  But I also see good people having bad coming to the and bad people having good come to them so karma must not always work that way.  The Bible says it rains on the just and the unjust, and what I get from that is that things happen to all of us so we shouldn't assume it's because of something we've done that's caused it.  It's interesting to see the differing ways of looking at things and how we form our opinions.  

I'm glad you've found some encouragement here, losing an animal is very hard regardless of how it comes about.