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I have a question for all of you


Human Qrystal

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Human Qrystal

Say you were the parent of an adopted child. That child's father died, and she was removed from the home. She is 13, and is very talented. She can play 10 instruments, draw extremely well, creative, and has a good sense of humor. But you see her attitude start to change. She is no longer happy, but depressed and silent. She isolates herself from other people, becoming resentful and aggressive. She cries often without your notice, and sometimes very quietly. You get complaints from her teacher being disruptive, gloomy, and aggressive. Things have gotten worse over the month. She's becoming suicidal, scared, hopeless, and numb. All because of her dad died. What would you do?

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Dear Human Qrystal,

Has nobody noticed?  Are you saying nobody has noticed?  If this is the case, then I am speechless.  Please give more information.  We are here for you.  I know you feel alone but we are here.  Please write more.  So sorry for your loss and pain.

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Human Qrystal

Dear sadandlost

people have noticed and asked what's wrong, but she replies with, I'm fine. She hides things very well. She has good and bad days. When she has good days, she would normally make people laugh by dehumanizing herself , which she's ok with, being edgy, and plain silly. Listen to some of her favorite music with her favorite genre. There are times where she's calm and quiet and others where she's hyper,undercotrol and talkative. When she has her bad days, she's really quiet, doesn't say a word. When the teacher gets on her nerves, she becomes aggressive and disruptive. But she escorts herself out of the class to not make a scene. Other times she lacks proper hygiene, is sullen and apathetic. Other times where she's completely sad through the whole entire day, quietly sobbing in class. You get these complaints from these teachers too often it's a habit. When a student gets physical with her she'll either be aggressive, walk away, and be vulnerable. She talks about death suicide, child abuse often. You see disturbing things on her internet. What would you do.

 

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Remember that you are special and that there are so many people out there who care about you -- all of us in this forum are on a grief journey, and it's not the same as a physical group, but we're here for you.

Can we do anything for you? Were you recently adopted? Don't give up hope. I have a friend who has a similar story, removed from her parents' care after her mom died when she was 13, and it was hard for her, but she's doing OK now....not the best, but she really did make the most of her circumstances.

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Human Qrystal

I'm not adopted, I'm still living with my mom and little brother, since my dad died. The girl I just subscribed has only little to do with me, but the whole acting out would soon be me when I'm in high school. I'm not argumentative with teachers but I feel like I'm getting close

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I am so sorry you are feeling this way. Sometimes grief takes us down this tunnel that we just can't escape and we have thoughts that we know don't make a lot of sense. I'm so sorry.

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Human Qrystal

Please don't, you weren't the cause of this. Some feelings are just irritating and irrational not all but some

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As the adopted parent, I would seek help from a priest/pastor or Buddhist monk or some spiritual person and ask them what to do. I would also look for grieving help for children.
There are certain cultures who do not grieve. It is because they have a different view on life an death.

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Human Qrystal

Loving I wouldn't say supportive, but not anti-supportive. The school is understanding though

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18 minutes ago, Human Qrystal said:

I wouldn't say supportive, but not anti-supportive. The school is understanding though

I am sorry for your loss of your father.  I lost my father when I was 5. One day he was there, when I got home from school, and the next thing I knew was that I was sent to the neighbors and my father was gone. Nothing was explained to me. My mother did not tell me anything of his passing until I was in high school and pressured her about it. I can only imagine what you are going through.

Have you talked to your mom about seeking grief counseling for you? Do you know a trusted teacher or a guidance counselor that would help to provide you with a grief counselor?  I went to a grief support group when my husband passed last year. I also had one on one counseling sessions with the facilitator of the support group. All the group meets and sessions were helpful.

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