Welcome to my new reality.

[Arianas]

So my parents had always had a rocky marriage. I spent the large part of my childhood years keeping secrets for my mother who would spend time with various different men but it wasn’t until a year ago that I discovered that my mum had started seeing someone new - her co worker. 

After meeting this gentleman I realised quite early on that this wasn’t like the other relationships. She was being way more obvious with her affections towards him. Knowing my Dad (who was hopelessly in love with my mum but also terribly controlling towards her) I begged her to split with my Dad if she wanted to take this new relationship seriously. I was of course - ignored. 

Until one day I got a call from her new partner. He was at the hospital with my mum and younger sibling - my dad had hung himself. After three days in intensive care we turned off the life support and found a suicide note saying that my dad hoped me and my younger sister would be “happy with our new dad”. 

After 8 months of resentment towards this vile person who essentially killed my father I learnt today that he proposed to my mum. I’ve pretty much kept it together up until this point for my sister and tried my best to keep sane during this time but now I’m at breaking point. I can’t believe how two people can have absolutely no regard for anyone but themselves. My mum expects me to just accept this person as a member of the family despite what he’s done and that infuriates me to no end. I’m also pregnant and talks of how excited my babies new “grandfather” is has started. 

I’m seconds away from just cutting everybody off and moving away. 

[reader]

Dear Arianas,

My deepest sympathies and condolences. I'm very sorry to hear about your beloved dad. It is an extremely difficult to accept your mum and her partner.

I wish I had the right answer for you. All I can say is we all have to do what is right for ourselves. I know its horribly painful given the circumstances.

If you want please consider reaching out and maybe talk to a grief counsellor or joining a support group.

Thinking of you.

[sadandlost]

Dear Arianas,

I am so sorry for your shocking and devastating loss.  Its unbelievable and I can't even imagine what you must be feeling.  To be angry is normal given this horrific story.  No one can advise you what to do.  As reader said, we all have to do what is right for ourselves.  I agree.  Maybe a separation, time away from communicating could be an idea?  Maybe you need time away from your mother and her partner for a while so you can start to process what has happened.  Please seek professional help.  What you have been through is beyond traumatic, more than most people could cope with.  You need support.  You're also going to be a parent.  I'm truly sorry for what you are going through.  Please seek proper help.  We are here for you though, reading your words and supporting you but in your situation its not enough.  its too much to deal with on your own and you have to look after yourself and protect yourself now you're pregnant.  So sorry for you.

[Ash]

Arianas, 

I'm so sorry to hear you've gone through such an unbearable loss. That sounds really tough and if you need to spend time away from them, that is completely understandable. I do hope that you can get the support you need to get through this. For now, do what you need to take care of yourself and put yourself first, even if that means being distant in order to protect yourself from more pain.