lost my dad suddenly to a heart attack

[emilyjoy]

On Sunday, December 10th I lost my dad suddenly to a heart attack. He was diagnosed with Phenomena earlier in the week and his symptoms increased throughout the week. My stepmom told me that she wanted to get him more help but he didn’t want to...She said that he was scared. On sunday morning, it seemed like he was getting better. Laughing at the table with my step mom eating breakfast and then out of nowhere, he begins to become short of breath. He couldn’t calm down, his face was turning blue...My step mom thought he was having a panic attack which was common for him but it never stopped. She called 911 but when they got there he had no pulse. They hooked him up to machine for 20 minutes but his heart never started and they declared him dead. He was having a heart attack. They later found out from the autopsy that he was having heart problems long before sunday but no one near about them. How?! He was having symptoms for it and the doctors never thought to check his heart. This could have all been prevented. I’ve been through the crying, the talking about it, hugs, everything basically. It’s been 5 days and i’m struggling with the idea of never seeing him again. I’m used to not seeing him because i’m at college for my freshmen year and before that i only saw him on tuesday’s and every other weekend. but now there will never be a next time. the funeral is on wednesday. i see him on monday for the first time. i know that i am going to lose it. i’ve never bad anyone i love die and have never been to a funeral. i don’t know what i feel anymore. he was my best friend, he got me, more than anyone. he was only 54. i’m looking through the pictures and remembering the memories and it’s almost too hard to look. I feel empty. my step mom is broken. I fear that i’ll never be able to take care of her like he did. 

[reader]

Dear Emily,

My deepest sympathies and condolences. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know the pain and sorrow is unbearable right now. It is only normal to be raw during such a difficult time. Please know we are all here to listen and support you in anyway we can. Thinking of you and your family. Sending you love and hugs.

[sadandlost]

Dear EmilyJoy,

I am very sorry for your loss.  Its beyond anything anyone can imagine losing a parent if you haven't been through it.  I had no idea until I lost my mother.  I always knew it would be hard and as she got older I worried all the time but still when it happened nothing could prepare me for the relentless pain.  The never ending pain and loss of never talking to her again, never seeing her again.  Even after almost a year its as painful if not more so because what you are experiencing now is shock.  Raw shock.  This goes on for a while as you try to adjust.  Please know this is normal.  We've all been through that numbing shock, unable to cope and mind spins around to all the "if only's".  Its part of the process to try to grasp something that is not graspable.  Use this forum to express how you feel and read others stories as it can help feeling less alone.  The grief process is long.  I'm so sorry for your loss.