How do I accept the fact that my fathers dead?

[Human Qrystal]

Hello, this is my first time being in a forum. Usually I don't subscribe to these types of websites but I figured since this is a personal topic, why not go for it.

My Dad passed away when I was twelve on April,29, 2017, I'm thirteen now, and I'm still having a hard time believing that he's actually dead. He has been there for me for most of my life, estimately one and one-sixth years. It feels off when I try to imagine that he's gone, since I'm more used to him sleeping in his room next to mine. Mind that I have these weird thoughts telling me "he's not dead," or all of you are stupid for believing he's actually dead, he's still alive, plus the body in the castec wasn't him, no way was it him." How do I finally except that he's dead so I can grieve a bit properly? If you want more information about my grief, feel free to aks me anything. Thank you

[sadandlost]

Dear Human Qrystal,

I am so sorry for your loss.  I can't imagine loosing a parent at that age.  Its so hard for all of us in our 20's, 30's, 40's, 50's.  You think it would be easier but it isn't.  For you though I can't imagine how the mind processes this.  I want you to know that its painful for all of us to process death of a parent but as an adolescent I can't possibly understand what this is like for you.  We all go through shock, disbelief, bargaining and what if's.  After it sinks in I think (from personal experience) it becomes harder because real grief starts and thats a whole other level.  For me its been 11 months since I lost my mother.  My life has changed.  I feel changed forever.  I have no sought help in my grieving process in the form of therapy so I can start to release the painful emotions.  I hope it will help me even though talking about it is like reliving it.  

Do you have anyone to talk to?  I know its hard but I wonder if you share your feelings with anyone?  Must be so hard to make sense of it at your age.  Well done for taking this step!  By the way a lot of the people here have never used forums either, myself included.  it helps to read other peoples stories so you can realise we are all going through the same emotions.  We are reading your words and are here for you.

[sadandlost]

P.S I still have a hard time believing my mother is gone.  Every day I think, how can she be gone?

[Human Qrystal]

Thank you, sorry for confusing you. I'm not a fake I promise. I like having different opinion on my stories, and there are times where I want someone to challenge my thoughts