My dog killed by a car

[Steph0825]

Hi. I don't know what to do with all the emotions I'm feeling. On Monday night my mother in law called me to tell me my beloved dog was missing.  After a night of searching and an early morning trying again and placing flyers everywhere I received a phone call stating he had been hit by a car. My husband went to retrieve his remains and he was cremated Tuesday afternoon. I am beyond devastated. I keep randomly sobbing, fighting fits of anger and I'm riddled with guilt. He didn't deserve to die that way. He was my best friend and I should have never let him stay away from home.  I don't want to celebrate Christmas or do anything.  Which is very difficult because I have two young children I know I need to be strong for but I can't seem to.  I didn't know i could hurt this much and I have no idea what to do.  

[AJWCat]

Hi @Steph0825, I am so sorry to read this, what an awful thing to happen. I wish I could say something to make you feel better. It is tragic when things like this happen and since I have been on this forum after suddenly losing my cat 4 months ago, I see stories like yours too often.  

All I can say is a totally understand all the waves of emotion - your anger of course, and deep sadness. It's an extra bad time of year to have this happen too, so much going on and it's supposed to be a happy time. You need to allow yourself to grieve. Let go of the guilt as much as you can. Forgive yourself for what happened, this was not your fault. You will need to find little bits of time alone if you don't want to break down in front of your kids. Cry in the shower. Be patient and kind to yourself as much as you can and maybe talk to your husband. Or come here and vent your emotions, I sure did. People in this forum understand your pain. Don't be surprised if you feel a little better and then you get slammed with anger or sadness. It is part of the process and it takes time to learn to deal with such an awful, sudden loss. I wish I could help you more. My heart aches for you.

[KayC]

Steph,

I am so sorry! Losing my husband and losing my animals are the worst losses I've had to get through.  They are part of your everyday life, and like children, we feel it's our responsibility to protect them and care for them.  Unfortunately, accidents do happen, I haven't lost a dog to a car accident, but I did lose one to a horrific accident in which he climbed into my van, unknown to me, and was inside a hot van all day while I was at work.  The vet said it would have reached 140 and his brain would have exploded.  It's been 19 years and I remember it like it was yesterday, he was my baby.  I've learned you can't be careful enough, check enough, etc. 

I want to leave you with these articles and hope you get as much out of them as I have.  Guilt is a common grief feeling, but I want you to know that it is just that, a feeling.  It doesn't mean it's deserved, and once we have learned something from what happened we need to put up the hand to guilt, tell it to stop, go away, and not let it come to us.  It's only purpose is to bring attention to a need for change and once that is taken place, it turns to shame which holds us down and paralyzes us, not what we need!  It's important to remember that as careful as we try to be, accidents do happen, and try as we might, we're human but we do our best.  Your dog knew you loved him and there's no doubt you gave him the best home you could.

http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf 

http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml

I don't know how young your children are, but I wouldn't hide my grief totally from them.  Of course you don't want to sob uncontrollably and scare them, but it's okay to show them that you are sad over losing your dog.  This is how they learn that sadness is an appropriate grief response.  Too many times in our society we have been taught it's not acceptable to grieve, which is unfortunate because that's just not feasible.  If they are real little, they won't have a real understanding of Christmas and it'll be okay to have it low key.  

[Maria9]

Steph I am so sorry for your loss and for your pain....Try to forgive yourself because you did not do anything wrong, it was a terrible accident, and you could not predict it. I know this won't take your pain away but do not make it heavier with guilt. When we lose our pets we go through many "should haves" because we wish we could change the outcome ,we cannot accept it.Guilt is part of grief. Give yourself time to adjust to the shock of your sudden loss but leave guilt aside .I know it hurts terribly .Let yourself express your feelings and let yourself cry. Like KayC, I think that you shouldn't hide your grief from your children, within reasonable limits of course . It is good for children to learn that sadness and loss are part of life and that it is healthy and normal to grieve for a loved one. If they are old enough you could talk with them about celebrating in a different way this year, they may have suggestions about it.

I hope you find healing and peace as time goes by, post  here whenever you want.We understand.