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i lost him


deadish

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so I met this guy online who was 2 years older than me. I immediately had a crush on him. turned out he had a crush on me to. we've been dating since sometime around February but he was suicidal. I changed things for him. he cut himself, and when he did, I felt the pain. but I made him better. we never really had any fights, but now my parent found out about him, and I cant talk to him anymore. i managed to get in contact with his twin sister, bell, who is like a sister to me, she told him and he literally raged and now i haven't heard from her. I'm afraid my boyfriend killed himself, i never go the chance to say i love you one last time or even have a goodbye.

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deadish

It is good that you met someone you felt you had a connection with but if he was suicidal, and your parents forbids you to speak to him, perhaps they are correct.   It appears they have your best interest in mind even though you may not think they do.  You appear quite young and if this person has cut himself, has shown bits of rage and suicidal, he definitely has some type of mental health problem, such as depression, anxiety, drug or alcohol abuse, or a behavior problem.    You're not even sure if he committed suicide. He sounds toxic to me.

I'm not one to tip-toe around things or sugar-coat them, and this may not be what you want to hear but one of the most courageous decisions you'll ever make is to let go of toxic people; they are toxic to you.  Let them go because they take and take and leave you empty.   Let them go because in the scheme of life when you're trying to stay afloat, they are the anchor that's drowning you.   At some point you have to realize that some people can be on your mind but not in your life.  Count your blessing and not your problems.

Continue to post and I'll keep you in my prayers.

 

 

 
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When my daughter was a teenager, she hit it off with a guy, she was 15 and he was 14, and they could communicate, really connected.  Unfortunately he was from a very troubled background.  His mom got him counseling, but still the affects are there.  When she was graduating high school, she broke up with him.  It was hard because she cared for him, her first love, but she also knew it'd be like adopting a troubled child and she just didn't think she could do it the rest of her life, be responsible for him.  I think she showed great wisdom.  I hadn't forbid her to be with him, how you handle things with each child is different as you know their nature...I was afraid if I did she would sneak around and perhaps it's allure her to him all the more.  My way of handling it was to be around and try to give subtle guidance.  I was helping with their youth group, I gave them rides, I'd have him and his family over for dinner, we tried helping them.  

In the end, the relationship ended even as friends, as his troubles deepened in adulthood.   I learned he was arrested for arson a couple of years ago.  I'm not saying your BF would be like that, Sequoya really had some severe trauma in his background, but he also confessed to having cheated on my daughter.  I think she missed a potential catastrophe in her life and I'm thankful she had the wisdom to see it when she did.

Your parents have your best interests at heart.  Noone has vested themselves in you quite like they have.  You may not agree with or like their decision, but in years to come you may understand it better.  Pray for him.  I know it is tough.  If he would commit suicide over this, he's not very stable, and if that unstable, it's scary what a future could be like.  Can you imagine being married with little children and him commit suicide?  It's happened, and it's very hard being the one to try to deal with the aftermath.

I know your heart is hurting.  I'm so sorry, whenever we have a breakup for any reason, it hurts.  It will get better in time and it your heart will heal.  There's no way to avoid the pain right now, grief is hard, but please know it won't always feel like this.  Hang in there.

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