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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie
smithersmaster

Trying not to hate her

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I have to start at the beginning to have what is going on, make sense. Back in 2013 about a few weeks before my birthday, my wife came home and told me that she had cheated on me with a crush she has had for many years. Even before we met. I had asked her not to spend time with him because I had a feeling that would end up happening. There were a lot of fights and tears that day, but I felt that we had figured things out and we could move on.

The further I go with my story, the more of you will ask me why I didn't leave back then. But only a week later I caught her sexting a guy at work. I flipped out and asked her why. She promised it wouldn't happen again. But it did. Two other times, the last being on my birthday. I had discovered that the birthday present that she got me (some lingerie) she had been sending pics to him. I wanted to leave. I just wanted to be done and over with. But I still loved her and she played off of that begging me to stay.

I didn't catch anything suspicious for roughly a year or so. But I caught her sexting yet another guy that was a "friend." That went on for two years off and on. When I caught her, she would stop for a while, then I would see something else.

One thing I have to explain about myself is that I am a gamer. Or was. I played a LOT of games. It didn't get to the really bad stage until I built my gaming PC because when I was gaming on a console, she could come and cuddle me. But it got even worse after she first cheated on me. I felt that my games were the only thing that couldn't hurt me anymore. 

Just as a side note, we had twins back in 2011 and then our son was born in the beginning of 2013. After he was born, my wife's sex drive flat lined. That hurt our relationship a lot. But to continue with the time line, last year, we had a threesome with a close friend. It was one of those just happened/ unplanned situations. But after she became her old self back when we first started dating and screwing like rabbits. She said it was because she didn't want me to run off with that friend. Things were great for a month or so until I started a new job and thoughts started popping in my head of that I wasn't happy. I started feeling like I could finally escape and be happy. Even though things were finally going good for us in years, I still had those thoughts. I started talking to a friend about these thoughts, and she saw one of the conversations. It blew up. She begged me at first to stay, then we both agreed that we should end it, then I was the one that begged her to stay yet again. We gave it a shot over this last year and I thought things were okay. Nothing was bugging me about what she was doing. It wasn't until she started her job at the beginning of Nov that things started to get weird. A few weeks after she started, I saw a text from one of her "friends" at work calling her babe. I BLEW up demanding what the hell was going on. At first she tried to tell me that it wasn't anything and that he calls everyone that. Then she said that she has been working on telling me that she wants a divorce for a wile.

Details have been coming out over the last month that she has been seeing him since almost day one. A couple of days before she told me that she wanted the divorce, she had already slept with him. She continues to see him even though he wont sleep with her again until i am out of the house. He just came over today and she was all over him. Almost as though it was a big F you to me. She will not stop being intimate with him around me OR the kids. I'm still at home because I am working on finding my own place and saving up enough to leave. But she wont stop because "he makes her happy."

At this point I am doing everything that I can think of to NOT hate her for the kids sakes. But today she is making that harder than ever because she flat out refuses to stop kissing, hugging, or cuddling him while either the kids or myself are around. I feel like with me still being home and mommy doing that with another guy that my daughters are going to grow up thinking that is okay to cheat on their husband/boyfriend. I am hurting, I'm lost and to my wife, I am the bad guy in this situation. Because of my gaming and not spending time with her, I'm the one that caused all of this. Not her cheated over and over.

I know I deserve better and I should take this chance, but this hurts sooooo much. Last weekend before I found out the full extent of their relationship, I tried one last time to keep her. I asked her to work with me on our marriage until I am ready to move out. If she still wanted the divorce, then I would move out. She said no. Now I had already taken some excedrin  PM because I had a migraine and wanted to go to bed early that night. When she said no, I got pissed, and decided to start drinking and just game. That was a really bad mix because I blacked out 20 min after I started drinking. I woke up in the hospital the next day and I found out that I had tried to kill myself several different ways that night. Sober, I would never try something like that because I love my kids and at this point is all I have in this world. That experience changed me. I don't want to game any more, I haven't been on my computer a lot, and I have been spending more time with her and the kids. She has loved this new me. But with this guy in the mix, she will not work on us. My problem is that I know I need to leave. I deserve to be happy and she has been doing nothing but hurting me for almost 5 years now.

I just don't know what to do at this point because I can not get out of here fast enough. I don't want to hate her. I do love her and always will because of what we have been through. and for the kids. 

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I am so utterly sorry you are going through this. You need to seek professional advice and make a plan to leave. Her complete disregard for your feelings about the other man and her affection is very telling. 

If she won't stop her public displays in front of the children, ask the man in her life to stop. Explain to him how you feel. Perhaps he will be decent enough to understand this is about the children, not you. If not, then ask her to move out of the home until you can find a place. 

I'm no expert, but your marriage is done. Move forward and find someone that makes you happy. You will be a better father and person for it. 

We will be here with you,

ModKonnie

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As an update he actually "broke up" with her two nights ago because he was tired of all of the drama their relationship was causing and said that when this is all said and done he will give it another hot but not until then. I would love to ask her to move out but unfortunately, we are in her mother's basement for the time being because last year we lost our home. But thankfully, he is backing off even if my wife is absolutely pissed at me because he did so. Frankly I am happy that he backed off because they never should have started this regardless of how she was feeling about me.

I am definately on board now to move out and finally be happy for myself and I just can't wait to move on. A friend of mine told me that I should take a year at least to spend on rediscovering myself and learning who I am. I want to take that advice, but I haven't been alone in 10 years. I think that this is going to be hard.

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It may be hard to live alone, but think of it as an adventure. Do things you've always wanted to do but never had "permission" to do. Join some, conquer something, just do something different and think of this as a positive step toward living your life to the fullest and reaching your dream. Somewhere along the way, there will be another love. Give yourself time to heal before you get involved so you don't end up hurting that other person.

We will be here with you,

ModKonnie

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