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Simply How?


Nickole

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It's been 21 days since I lost him. I've talked to close friends and family but I feel like their tired of me talking about it like they just want me to hurry up and move on. I know they love me and want to help but how can i vent without feeling like a burden? I just want to vent and every response is the same and what I want to say is you have no clue what it's like to lose the one you truly love and have never been happier. I had to move out of our home and am staying at my parents for the moment I feel devastated that I don't have a home anymore and not just talking about a place to me home was him. He and I used to work together that's how we met we did the same tough job. I just returned to work because although my world just stopped the rest of the world continues on and bills need to be paid. How do I go into the same office as he once was? How do I do the job that he enjoyed so much? He said he fell in love with me first by watching me work and seeing the passion i had. Where can I find that passion again if I'm depleted. I find myself not having a will to live anymore. The reason I get up anymore is because I know he wouldn't want me to be depressed and I just want to make him proud. But it's so hard. When he was still alive I prayed and thanked God for him so many times and begged God for a lifetime with him. Why did he take him from me so soon? He passed the day before thanksgiving and I just found out that he was going to propose to me on Christmas. I hoped for for over a year he would hurry up and ask, and now I feel like I was robbed of the moment I had wished for since forever.  How do you get through a holiday knowing what could have been? And seeing all of your friends getting engaged and going on and on about their relationships when yours was stolen from You? How do you start over when you had everything you've ever wanted and then the next day gone?

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I'm so sorry this is happening Nickole :(

Vent here!  We get it.  We feel lots of those same things.  The answer is to just attack each day one at a time.  I feel the same as you, that people just want me to get on with it already (December 25th is a year for me).  Keep talking about him and talking about it.  You have to grieve the way YOU grieve.

*hug*

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7 hours ago, Nickole said:

It's been 21 days since I lost him. I've talked to close friends and family but I feel like their tired of me talking about it like they just want me to hurry up and move on. I know they love me and want to help but how can i vent without feeling like a burden? I just want to vent and every response is the same and what I want to say is you have no clue what it's like to lose the one you truly love and have never been happier. I had to move out of our home and am staying at my parents for the moment I feel devastated that I don't have a home anymore and not just talking about a place to me home was him. He and I used to work together that's how we met we did the same tough job. I just returned to work because although my world just stopped the rest of the world continues on and bills need to be paid. How do I go into the same office as he once was? How do I do the job that he enjoyed so much? He said he fell in love with me first by watching me work and seeing the passion i had. Where can I find that passion again if I'm depleted. I find myself not having a will to live anymore. The reason I get up anymore is because I know he wouldn't want me to be depressed and I just want to make him proud. But it's so hard. When he was still alive I prayed and thanked God for him so many times and begged God for a lifetime with him. Why did he take him from me so soon? He passed the day before thanksgiving and I just found out that he was going to propose to me on Christmas. I hoped for for over a year he would hurry up and ask, and now I feel like I was robbed of the moment I had wished for since forever.  How do you get through a holiday knowing what could have been? And seeing all of your friends getting engaged and going on and on about their relationships when yours was stolen from You? How do you start over when you had everything you've ever wanted and then the next day gone?

I am so very sorry for your loss and know the pain you are suffering only too well.  When my Charles passed away a little over a year ago, (it's still strange to say he's gone) my entire world stopped and I really didn't see how it would ever be OK again and I've come to the realization that it won't, and I'm willing to accept that.   He was and forever will be my soul mate, my one true love and the most amazing person I have ever met.  We truly had a once in a lifetime love that all my friends were envious of.  I felt like life was perfect and there was no way it could get better. Then that horrible awful day came that changed me forever - the day God took him from this earth.   I never ever pictured my life without my Charles or being a widow. I felt like sleeping beauty forever sleep with a waking world continuing on without me.   Only there was no prince to wake me from my sleep, this half life.   I always thought I was pretty independent.... I was wrong!  Not a day goes by that I don't need him; miss him; want him.  I am thankful to God for bringing Charles into my life, and will treasure every memory always!  I just wish I knew how to live my life without him. I cry more often than I don't. Everything reminds me of him.  He had health problems, but we learned to deal with them and I know he fought and held on for as long as he could, but it wasn't God's plan.  I've only had two dreams about him, but they were the most wonderful REAL dreams. I wish I had other dreams about him; in my dreams, I'm happy again and all is well - then I wake up to my reality - my nightmare - my world without Charles. I really miss him more than words can express. 

I know it's hard and sometimes your heart hurts so much that you feel like it's going to explode and on some days, you wish the sadness would stop eating you alive.   And while your heart is exploding you wish that you could too because its all just too much to bear and you feel nothing and everything all at once.  My guess is it will probably get worse before it gets better (perhaps better is not the right word) lets say different. Why God took him, you'll never know and perhaps it's not meant for you to know, not now anyway.  We simply must trust HIS wisdom even when we don't understand HIS will.   I know you love him, and feel robbed of what will never be; you will never be able to fully express the pain of losing your husband and won't be able to fully make others understand the pain you're enduring.  All you can do is deal with the things the best you can and hope that those who are close to you, your family and friends, will care enough to support you through the toughest time in your life; for it is during these dark times that the ones who truly care for you will step up to the mark.  Remember, there are no magic cures that makes it all go away.  No quick fixes or easy answers.  You are grieving and every expression of grief that wants to be felt, should be given its space in order to heal.  There are only small steps upward; an easier day an unexpected laugh, a smile.  You'll get there, we all will.

God is able to bring hope into our lives when everything seems hopeless.  My prayer is for God to give you Strength to let go and entrust everything to HIM.  HE won't allow us to pain just for the sake of hurting, but for the sake of learning. HE knows us better than we know ourselves and when we feel alone and abandoned, HE knows our flaws, yet loves us unconditionally like no other can.  I pray that HE gives you HIS hope and strength you need to make it through this horrific season you're in; Hope that it will get better and Strength to hold on until it does.

I hope you continue to post.  We are all here to one another to uplift, encourage, cry with, listen to or just vent to.  Bottom line, we're here for you!

 

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You didn't get to witness his proposal, but you do have the knowledge that he wanted to and intended to, and no one can ever take that from you.  I know how badly it hurts, you see your friends living the life you should have had.  In a way that's how I feel, my sisters are living their lives with their husbands and me, I'm alone, growing old alone.  I can't drive at night, if George was alive he would drive me.  My sisters have their husbands to drive them places.  Me, I miss everything.  They don't get it, not even if I tell them, because living the experience is vastly different than talking about it.  They have no way of knowing what it's like, alone, always alone, no one to take care of you if you have surgery, no one to feed the dog if you can't be there, etc.  But somehow I'm doing this.  I've been doing this for 12 1/2 years now.  I still take one day at a time, that's all I can handle.  I can't think about the whole future, I can only handle today.  And Francine is right, we pray for His strength, His direction, even His encouragement and wisdom.  I pray to become all the more aware than I'm not alone, God is with me in this.

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