Jump to content
Forum Conduct & Guidelines Document ×

Broken


Rash

Recommended Posts

  • Members

Yesterday I made the hardest decision of my life.... this cat was my best friend for 12 years. I had her since I was 16. The great thing about her is that she chose me. I went to the pet shop just to look around. As I was leaving I look at the window of the store and up she pops and meows at me. I ran back inside and asked them to put her aside for me so I can pick her up the next day. My parents were so mad at me. Totally worth it though. She would become my best friend and the best companion I could ask for. A couple years back I had been diagnosed with anxiety. That first month was hell. But Nala(my cat) was there with me through it all. I had some tough days and nights, but she was always there for me to cuddle with. She was MY pet, she liked no one but me. That is, until my current girlfriend. I'd never seen Nala act that way towards anyone but me. And Nala's behavior towards my girlfriend is one of the things that made me realize she is the woman I want to marry (probably sounds crazy). My girlfriend loves her also. We just recently moved into our first home together. But before that, I noticed Nala had lost some weight. I was so busy with the process of buying a home  that I didn't think much of it. Well we moved in and about 4 days after we got settled, we brought her to the new house And that's when I noticed how bad it truly was. We waited a few days thinking maybe it was the food and now coupled with the stress of moving she might just be freaking out. Well Friday hit and I had gone to work. When I got there I text my girlfriend and asked her to take Nala to the Vet and that I'd meet her there as soon as I got off. When I arrived, they were doing blood tests to see what was wrong. Everything came back ok except the blood work on the liver. I started to tear up. The vet said we had 3 options. 1.) put her on iv's and meds and they would keep her overnight. 2.) bring her to a specialist up in the next town. 3.)put her down. I chose the first option in hopes that it was just the lack of nutrients that was causing her condition. That night I had returned home, a sobbing mess. Hoping and praying that she would pull through. Unfortunately that wasn't the case. I received a phone call at 10 in the morning from the vet. Nala didn't get worse, but didn't improve either. I still had the 2nd option but the vet said she might not make it through the weekend. I told her we'd come visit and I would decide when I got there. We got there and eventually they brought her into a room with us. She was covered in a blanket pissed off. It made me laugh, the way she was meowing. But when we pulled the blanket back, I had realized that she did get worse. The vet left us alone after telling us that Nala was putting her head up against the wall in her cage and it also seemed that she had gone blind. She wasn't the same, something seemed horribly different. I had started to cry cause I knew what I had to do.  I didn't want to leave her in a cage to die alone without us. I made the most difficult decision of putting her down. I held her as they injected her. Watching her go limp in my arms...... I lost it. I couldn't stop crying, seeing my little baby, my best friend pass right before my eyes. It made me sick to my stomach. We brought her home to bury her in our yard. We had family over, looking at our new house. I asked my mom to show them around as i dug Nala's grave. My girlfriend and I buried her and then she went back to work and I visited with my family for a bit. Fighting back the pain and tears. As soon as they left, the flood gates opened. I've never felt this empty pain before. Knowing that I will never see my sweet little Nala again..... it tearing me apart. I can't wrap my head around why this happened. She didn't deserve this. She was my best friend and the greatest companion A guy like me could ask for. I can't go 5 minutes without realizing the horrible truth that she is gone. And I start to cry again. Maybe if I had acted sooner..... she would still be with us. All I know is that I miss her so f****** much. My girlfriend and I are just Heart broken. I'd give anything to have her back!!!! My mind just keeps replaying all of these memories and moments..... all just for me to realize I will never have another moment or memory with her again.  I can't say it enough, I love her and miss her so much. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Rash I am so sorry for your loss and for your pain, your story made me cry....We know that our pets won't outlive us but that doesn't stop our hearts from breaking when they finally go. I wish I could say something to make it less painful for you.Your kitty lived a wonderful life with you and she had the love of both you and your girlfriend. And you gave her the gift of passing in your arms.It is horrible to have to make this decision but you made the most loving choice for her. There is nothing more you could have done, I am not a vet but it seems like what she had was irreversible.Do not feel guilty.

Let yourself grieve her loss, it hurts like hell I know...Losing my own kitty was the worst pain I have ever felt. Just take one day at a time and take care of yourself. It is a relief that you can share your pain and thoughts with your girlfriend, though I am sorry that you are both going through this. It will get better with time . I wish you both strength and healing.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
1 hour ago, Maria9 said:

Rash I am so sorry for your loss and for your pain, your story made me cry....We know that our pets won't outlive us but that doesn't stop our hearts from breaking when they finally go. I wish I could say something to make it less painful for you.Your kitty lived a wonderful life with you and she had the love of both you and your girlfriend. And you gave her the gift of passing in your arms.It is horrible to have to make this decision but you made the most loving choice for her. There is nothing more you could have done, I am not a vet but it seems like what she had was irreversible.Do not feel guilty.

Let yourself grieve her loss, it hurts like hell I know...Losing my own kitty was the worst pain I have ever felt. Just take one day at a time and take care of yourself. It is a relief that you can share your pain and thoughts with your girlfriend, though I am sorry that you are both going through this. It will get better with time . I wish you both strength and healing.

Thank you so much for your kind words. Her and I both have just been so mad at those around us for not understanding what we were feeling and going through. We keep getting comments like "this happened for a reason" and "maybe you just adopt another cat".  I just can't wrap my head around the cosmic reasoning of her passing and right now feels to damn soon to be thinking of another cat. 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

Rash,

Your post touched me to tears, I've been through this too many times, different prognosis, but same outcome.  It is so hard.  Theoretically, I know our pets won't last as long as we do, that the day will come...and yet it's the hardest thing in the world.  But, I know you did the right thing and for the right reasons.  You put her ahead of your own feelings and chose to end her suffering.  That is the kindest thing a parent can do.  You couldn't have known, we can't foresee this.  My 19 year old cat, King George, got cancer, I thought he had a cold, but the Rx the emergency vet put him on didn't help him, I took him to my own vet after a month of trying with their antibiotics with no help, and my own vet diagnosed him with cancer.  I had him euthanized right then and there.  I wish I could have had it done a month sooner and spared him but the emergency vet misdiagnosed him.  I'll never take an animal back there, they didn't even care when I called them and told them about it.  

An ache is left in our heart where they resided...we memorialize them, we remember them, but the "missing them" pain continues.  The hardest part is remembering his suffering in that last month.  Oh that I could have spared him!

I hope these articles are of help to you as they were to me.  You are a kind and caring "parent".

http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf 
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hi @Rash, so sorry to hear about your wonderful sweet Nala. My heart breaks for you guys. I lost my cat 4 months ago and it was devastating. He was like a child to my husband and I, we adored him and he loved us so much too.  

I am so sorry you are going through this. The first couple of weeks for us were a very dark time. All you can do is let yourself cry and grieve. Rely on each other to get through. After telling our friends and family what happened, we didn't bring it up again because no one knew how horrible it was for us. People try to be helpful but there is nothing they can do anyway or they think they help by saying ridiculous things like, it happened for a reason. 

Poor Nala was terribly sick, you did the right thing making sure she didn't suffer long.  I know the world is not right without Nala in it with you, but she is in your heart and you will never forget her. You just take it one hour at a time and try to reach a level of peace despite the hole in your heart. Be patient. Write out your feelings to us here if it helps.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
11 hours ago, AJWCat said:

Hi @Rash, so sorry to hear about your wonderful sweet Nala. My heart breaks for you guys. I lost my cat 4 months ago and it was devastating. He was like a child to my husband and I, we adored him and he loved us so much too.  

I am so sorry you are going through this. The first couple of weeks for us were a very dark time. All you can do is let yourself cry and grieve. Rely on each other to get through. After telling our friends and family what happened, we didn't bring it up again because no one knew how horrible it was for us. People try to be helpful but there is nothing they can do anyway or they think they help by saying ridiculous things like, it happened for a reason. 

Poor Nala was terribly sick, you did the right thing making sure she didn't suffer long.  I know the world is not right without Nala in it with you, but she is in your heart and you will never forget her. You just take it one hour at a time and try to reach a level of peace despite the hole in your heart. Be patient. Write out your feelings to us here if it helps.  

Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. I sent my girlfriend the link to the page so she can see all of the encouraging, helpful things you have all told us. She told me she wished she could reach through the Internet and hug each and everyone of you. It's not that we have been searching for some magical saying that would take away the pain of losing Nala. We've just been trying to find understanding from others, that know how it feels. That wouldn't just blow it off as just another "pet" or some mystical reason. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
12 hours ago, KayC said:

Rash,

Your post touched me to tears, I've been through this too many times, different prognosis, but same outcome.  It is so hard.  Theoretically, I know our pets won't last as long as we do, that the day will come...and yet it's the hardest thing in the world.  But, I know you did the right thing and for the right reasons.  You put her ahead of your own feelings and chose to end her suffering.  That is the kindest thing a parent can do.  You couldn't have known, we can't foresee this.  My 19 year old cat, King George, got cancer, I thought he had a cold, but the Rx the emergency vet put him on didn't help him, I took him to my own vet after a month of trying with their antibiotics with no help, and my own vet diagnosed him with cancer.  I had him euthanized right then and there.  I wish I could have had it done a month sooner and spared him but the emergency vet misdiagnosed him.  I'll never take an animal back there, they didn't even care when I called them and told them about it.  

An ache is left in our heart where they resided...we memorialize them, we remember them, but the "missing them" pain continues.  The hardest part is remembering his suffering in that last month.  Oh that I could have spared him!

I hope these articles are of help to you as they were to me.  You are a kind and caring "parent".

http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf 
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml

Thank you so much!!! I completely understand the guilt you feel. Today at work I tried so hard to focus on my job and I couldn't. She always popped up in my mind and I would have to fight back the tears or let out a loud sigh. I keep remembering the way she would lay next to me while I was sleeping. She would cuddle up underneath my arm and next to my face. Just the thought of never feeling her fur again.... it turns my stomach into a knot. Thank you for the articles and thank you again for sharing. I know how difficult it can be to bring up those memories.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.