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On November 14, my husband got up early and went over to a local bridge and shot himself. 5 years ago my husband lost his leg to diabetes and apparently had another wound on his good leg that he couldn't get under control. I was only made aware of the new injury when the sherriffs deputies told me they found a text on his phone to me saying he did not want to be a burden and go through all the pain of losing his remaining leg,  we have 2 children together and have been married 9 years. I have a 15 year old son from my first marriage. My mother passed away in March of this year from a stroke. I live extremely far from my father and brother and my husbands family is deceased as well. I basically just wanted to be able to connect with other people that are going through the same thing. Is everyone feeling the roller coaster of anger/sadness/guilt/helplessness?  It cannot be just me  

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I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. This tragedy is still so very raw for you.  Your life has been changed forever and you will go through so many emotions.  You will have a million unanswered questions and you will feel tremendous guilt.  A recovery process from suicide is different from natural or accidental.  They chose to leave us so therefore we also feel abandoned or unworthy.  

Know that it had nothing to do with you. He was tired and did not have the coping mechanism to carry on. 

Be good to yourself.  Cry alot, sleep alot, pray alot.  Seek counseling,  a support group, join a gym, exercise, and talk about it until you are tired of talking about it.  Your nerves and emotions have been shattered into a million pieces.  Your life will never be the same.

Give yourself time to begin to heal. It has been 5 years this month that my mother shot herself and left notes for us. My daughter and I found her so that is an image forever in my brain. I cried uncontrollably everyday for a solid year. It took me a good 3 years before I stopped crying everyday. I promise you as time goes by the extreme pain will lessen. 

Concentrate on you and your children. Your husband is now well, safe and secure with our Heavenly Father.  He would want you to heal and go forward to find happiness.  You are a survivor and have had to be stronger than you ever thought possible. Unfortunately this is one more challenge in life but I have faith in your ability to get through this nightmare. 

May God wrap his arms around you and your family and give you comfort, peace and strength. 

Sincerely,  Sherry. 

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So sorry for your loss, Mandy. Sherry is right. Be good to yourself. Give yourself time to feel the pain and let out emotions. Life has changed for you and will never be the same, but you will learn how to manage your grief and learn a lot about yourself and your mental needs. Draw comfort from others at least some, even if you only want to be left alone. It's ok to laugh and have a little window of time where you aren't sad or thinking about your loss. It will be with you always, so no need to give it every last part of you. 

 

Prayers for you and your family. I know this is so hard. My mom committed suicide and it is very hard for me 5 years later. It does become more bearable as time passes and you are able to release hurt. But God, is it a slow process. You can do this. We are here for you. It is ok to be broken. You have to take care of your children, but you don't have to do it in a way that doesn't allow for any emotion. Do not feel like strength is forcing yourself not to feel anything. Strength is waking up everyday with goals of what you want to accomplish, acknowledging your grief all the while, and carrying on. Be gentle and allow feelings to run their course. Tell people how you feel even if they cannot relate or understand. At least write it down if you cannot express it aloud. Don't keep it all inside. Grief will outwait you every time. Better to accept it and fight through it now. You are most certainly not alone.

 

Hope and peace to you,

Nathan

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