Struggling with loss

[Steve99]

I just put my lovely old dog to sleep, and am so shocked at how hurt I am. She had cancer and had a large tumor removed ,  it returned with a vengeance 2 months later. As she was old and had other tumors I didn't put her through surgery again. Then we were told a drug we hoped to use would require so much it would overdose her. She woke up and the tumor was the full length of her leg, and for the first time she showed pain. The vet gave a pain killer that made her cry in pain,  and said she had maybe 1-2 weeks to go. We went home, she woke from her sleep crying. I petted her and she cried again. She couldn't walk, could only stand. She couldn't lay down as it hurt. She fell asleep as I supported her head as she stood. We went back to the vet and she was after a discussion, put to sleep. I didn't think a week like this was worth having. She cried more that day than the rest of her life combined. When I write this I believe it was the right decision. But I'm grief stricken. She momentarily cried as the vet gave her the second injection. She meant so much to me and I feel i let her down and I feel so bad. 

[KayC]

I'm so sorry, I know how hard it is, but you did not let her down.  You did the kindest thing for her.  What a horrible time she'd be having if she were still alive, you ended her suffering as any caring parent would want to do.  I'm so sorry she had cancer.  I worry about that with my dog, he's prone to cysts of all kinds, it scares me, but we love them and do our best for them.

[AJWCat]

Hi @Steve99, of course you did not let her down. You actually faced your own emotional pain sooner by helping her out of her physical pain.

That said, I am so sorry you lost your sweet dog and that she had to go through that. It is awful when our animals are in pain and we are helpless to do anything.

Now, all you can do is let yourself grieve the terrible loss. Try to focus on all the wonderful times you had with her and love you gave each other. It is not easy and my heart truly aches because I know what you are going through.   

[Maria9]

Steve  like KayC  and AJWCat said you did not let your doggie down, you did the most loving thing you could do for her, ending her suffering. I am sure she knew this. Your guilt is normal but not deserved. As for the grief, I know how huge it is, we all do. Not having them in our lives anymore feels unbearable.I am so sorry...it is one of the hardest losses in life,losing a pet. But with time the pain will lessen. Allow yourself to feel your grief and to express it. I hope your heart will heal.

 

 

[Steve99]

Thank you , logically I know everything you all say is true. I know she was well loved and she knew it. But I do feel so guilty, I also find the thought that she no longer exists and I won't see her again terribly sad. But thanks everyone

[KayC]

I hope you will read these articles as they've helped me: 

http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf 

http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml