acceptance?

[walker67]

"if you don't think things can get worse you lack a sufficent imagination" We are all on here because we lost our mates. My soul has been pulled from the earth like God was weeding his garden. I'm the guy that shouldn't be drinking and listening to country songs...and its been pretty well advised that I shouldn't cry in my beer. I have been a Believer and a Agnostic. Been a college student for years and a timber faller for many more. I've always felt God has spared me. I've been so close to death, countless times. Always made me love the ones I love all the more. Id never go to bed knowing everyone I loved knew that I loved them, cause I might not be there the next day. Hollywood forgets that there are men and women that risk their lives everyday for the ones that they love, and they aren't Navy Seals (granted I respect em a bit) We accept our fate. We are the protectors and the providers. We are suppose to die first and are more than willing. He...God...in all his wisdom takes away the woman I love. Im suppose to just keep trodding on like I accept his purpose? You ask me why I drink? Maybe I wanna punch him in nose. Reckon you shouldn't piss off the Pope, but I've lead a hard life, and I met someone that made it softer, kinder, and feel like it was worth all the sweat and blood. Then she is gone. So Im suppose accept that she is in a better place? She was happy with me. I realize my attitude sucks and I apologize, but am I suppose to accept the fact that I agree with His plan? Im on my knees every morning praying to Him and Her, to help me get through the day, and I come home  looking at her pictures, her dog, her cats, her home....isn't working too well.

[KMB]

I feel your pain in your words and I am relieved you are venting and releasing that pain on here. This is a safe place and we have all done the same here. We need someone who listens and understands. If we expressed every single thought, and trust me, some of those thoughts are black, to those in our reality, we would be hauled off to a padded cell. On this life line of a forum, we do not have to worry about being judged for our thoughts and feelings, thank goodness. No one really knows our raw pain, the despair, anxiety, depression, loneliness, of losing our soul mates.

I am not going to say anything to your use of alcohol. I will say though, that it doesn't work. It does not make the pain disappear and it doesn't bring our loved one back. It is a temporary bandaid, and when it wears off, the feelings are even worse, if that is possible.  I went through a very short phase of alcohol last December. People that I thought were friends were disappearing, some family members also. None of them know what is is like to lose a life partner. I was tired of being told that I am young looking for my age (58), that I had freedom now to go where ever and do whatever. These people could not comprehend that when you have been part of a couple for many years, and my husband and I did everything together, that I have zero interest in doing anything without him. I am not taking their advice and going on cruises, vacations or hitting up the online dating sites. How dare they make those comments!  Until they are in my shoes, they can keep silent on how they think I should be living my life.  Getting back to topic,  I never did that much drinking in my life. A glass of beer or wine when we went out for dinner or was offered a drink while visiting friends. An occasional beer while sitting on our deck at the end of a hot, summer day. Last December,  I was desperate for some relief from the pain and I spent a whole evening and most of that night trying to obliterate everything. I paid the price for it over the next couple of days. My pain was still here and my husband was still gone. I had learned the hard way, that if I was going to survive this path that God wishes for me to be on, that my grieving had to be faced head on. We cannot distract ourselves from it, ignore it. The pain always finds us. The only way I have found to help myself on this unwanted road, is to use what is in my heart. I carry my husband's love and belief in me, in my heart, and I focus on caring and giving to those I still have in my life.

God is not asking anything of you that He did not experience Himself when He lost His son. God knows your pain, your loneliness for your wife and He is always going to be walking beside you and picking you up when you stumble and fall in your faith. God IS giving you the strength to get up and face each day. Personally, I do not like the word "accept". It implies consent and none of us here consented to losing our loved ones. We did not agree to our loss, but, at some point during the very long process of our grieving, our hearts need to acknowledge what happened and how to incorporate our loss within our life, such as it is. We choose how and what we make of our life. Your wife would wish for you to continue being the person she helped you become. You said she made your world softer, kinder, worth all the hard work.  Pay her back by honoring all that she taught and gave you.

God has not abandoned you and neither did your wife. They are both walking beside you. Someday, when it is your turn to go Home, your wife will be there waiting for you and God will tell you what He had planned and why. For the growth of your soul and to have eternal life with your wife in Heaven.     (HUGS)

[KayC]

I couldn't answer any better than KMB did right here.  

I do want to say I acknowledge your pain and understand it.  I'm sorry you're feeling this way, it's a hard state to be in.  We don't have to like our situation.  We don't have to agree with it.  But we keep on keeping on, what else can we do.  And knowing my husband is alive and waiting for me keeps me going, I aim to be with him as soon as I'm done here.