Guilty angry euthanized my dog

[Esteban]

I deserve to feel like a piece of **** what I did was wrong, I'm writing this idk why my wife convinced me to let her put my best friend to sleep my childhood pet, of 8 years he was healthy I think nothing wrong with him besides his aggression towards animals she got pregnant and wanted him to go I gave in and let it happen now I can't sleep and realized I made a horrible decision I try and go on but I constantly think about him and it's been months I wake up crying and angry and she's just fine she even got a fucking cat! I'm not happy anymore I don't want to hear my own thoughts I hate sitting in silence because I start to think about him, he really was a handful he needed a lot of help when we would  leave he would mess up the house a lot and stressed her and even me out but I never thought in a million years I would do something like this I can't look at anything with dogs in it. And I know I deserve this pain and guilt because he didn't deserve to die when he was at the vette they said "look at daddy look at daddy" before they injected him that's all I keep thinking about how scared he was. I'm so weak I always give in, I love animals so much and I always hated people who gave their dogs up in shelters and gave up on them but wtf am I now? Dealing with a pregnant wife and going to school full time was so much stress on me I let myself go and lost my values and I'm sorry for that. I doubt anyone has been in my situation or would do something like this

[AJWCat]

Hi @Esteban I am really sorry to hear about the situation with you dog. What a difficult and painful position to be in. It sounds like he might not have been a good dog to have around a baby and for your wife.

When I was about 12 we put my dog to sleep because she was older (but healthy) and we could not keep her due to where we had to live. I was not really aware of what happened, I guess my Mom decided it was a better thing to do than put her into a shelter... where she may have been put down anyway. So, no you are not the only one who has had to do things like this. Unfortunately, a lot of people have to put down animals with behavior problems or aggression. It is just a really sad situation.  

Does your wife know how you feel? It might be good to share? You have a good heart, as you said you were under stress and pressure and you do not deserve to punish yourself like you are. Hopefully you can find some peace and come to forgive yourself.   

[Esteban]

Thank you @AJWCat this makes me feel a little better about it I'll try and talk to her about how I feel it's hard for me to talk about how I feel with anyone this is the first time I'm writing down what's been in my head driving me crazy

[KayC]

Esteban,

I am so sorry you'e in this situation.  It sounds like you have been under a lot of stress and pressure. Your dog did not know what was happening .  I do think I'd talk to your wife and tell her how you're feeling.  My brother-in-law had a dog, Sam, that bit him on the lip, not accidentally, but on purpose, he was aggressive.  They had to put him down.  It was a hard decision but they didn't want him to bite someone else and re-homing would transfer the problem to someone else.  The way it was, it almost completely book Bert's lip off, he was lucky they could save it.  They missed Sam and felt bad about the whole situation, but they really didn't have a choice.

[Maria9]

Esteban, I am so sorry you had to make this decision that has hurt you, and is still hurting you, so much. I understand the torment you're going through because you are a good person. Like AJWCat and KayC said you were under terrible pressure and you had to choose in those circumstances. It seems  you had to choose between your dog and your wife...please forgive yourself. The fact that you're going through this shows that you loved your dog..It is good that you are sharing this here. I agree, talk to your wife about how you feel, she has to know. Would you like to write a letter to your dog, to talk to him? Maybe this could help you...