My girlfriend just passed away

[KayC]

LoveD,

You are very generous in grace, most people have a pretty hard time with people who respond inappropriately to grief.

[LoveD]

10 hours ago, KayC said:

LoveD,

You are very generous in grace, most people have a pretty hard time with people who respond inappropriately to grief.

KayC,

What can I do. My sister helped me tremendously after my husband passed away.  Even she said something inappropriately to me.  I told her not to expect me to get it over within the week of my husband passing.  Later I explained to her and it seemed that she understood my feeling .  My parents love me and they still have each other.  I couldn’t expect the ideal way that I hope people comfort me from them.  I have a neighbor who is divorced and I went to her home to talk to her a lot.  She keeps saying I am weak and I should get over.  I told her she didn’t understand because her ex-husband is still alive.  She responded that was not the case.  There was a new friend talked about how her ex-husband betrayed her emotionally and financially.  How difficult her life had been in the past years.  At the end, she added the comment:  Your husband’s death’s is nothing compared to my case.  I felt hurt, insulted and "fought her back".  People just can’t understand it because they never experienced it.

It is so hard to have people put their feet into other people’s shoes.  We are human beings with flaws.  No wonder from religious perspective human has sin.

[Azipod]

23 hours ago, LoveD said:

 I am in the early 50s and prepare to live the rest of my life by myself until I reunite with my husband.  For young people who lost their partners should embrace the new lives after the grieving because every soul should live up to his potential.

I know that feeling.  Give me another 4-decades and I still won't be 80.  I don't think I can live the rest of my life being a widower.  But........... boy am I not ready for anyone else to come into my life yet.  I have no idea when I would be.  It would be a strange feeling to have love for another person.   I'm sure it's possible but I can't even imagine how that would be right now.  It will be too strange to have romance while my wife is buried in a grave.  I would feel so guilty.

[KayC]

LoveD,

Your neighbor was very right when she said your husband's death is not like her divorce, they can't be compared because it's vastly different!  She "lost" abuse and gained peace of mind from ill treatment...you lost the person who loved you more than anything and you gained loneliness and pain.  We do glean many lessons on this journey if we are willing, but in the beginning we cannot see that, only the pain we are in.  I am sorry for the pain each and every one here is in.

[Michaelagiri]

Merry Christmas every one hope its good.....I just want to run this by y'all ....I made a promise to my late girlfriend that I would stop watching porn ....and I kept it ....but since she died I started to watch again....and I feel so sad about it....I'm ready to stop again but I don't know if she sees me....or knows what I'm doing and stuff.....I want to start the promise again 

[Azipod]

2 minutes ago, Michaelagiri said:

Merry Christmas every one hope its good.....I just want to run this by y'all ....I made a promise to my late girlfriend that I would stop watching porn ....and I kept it ....but since she died I started to watch again....and I feel so sad about it....I'm ready to stop again but I don't know if she sees me....or knows what I'm doing and stuff.....I want to start the promise again 

All I can say is that you should do what you feel is right to you.   You need to be kind to yourself, be realistic about your needs, and do what you feel is appropriate.  No one can answer this question for you because only you will know what is best for you.   We did discuss about intimacy in my grief support group.  It was discussed that we all have physical and sexual needs.  It is different for some folks because their partner may have been sick for some time before they passed.  For others, the death was sudden.  Either way, there really isn't any solution or advice on what to do.  Just know that we are all human and that all of us have our own needs, whether it's sexual, intimacy, or the need to bond with others.

[ChrisKris]

It sucks but at the same time is relieving, To know that I am not the only one in this boat alone..  I lost my girlfriend(twin soul) 2 &1/2 months ago..” Long story short Find my girl purple she passes at hospital ....We were so deep in love and we both knew we had a bond that went so deep that if we had a argument we looked into each others eyes and it was over before it even really got started... We loved and HATED EXACTLY ALL THE SAME THINGS(food,movies,colors,cars,) . I had found the dream girl that I never thought was even real..we would finish each others sentences, say  exactly the same Word at the same time..I cry so much because never again will this ever happen...I still pick up the phone sometimes to call her to tell her something, I feel so lost!!! I am so happy to have found this forum and though... The only thing that comforts is to know when I’m gone(when God calls my number) that I can be with my love again!! 

[KayC]

16 hours ago, Michaelagiri said:

I made a promise to my late girlfriend that I would stop watching porn ....and I kept it ....but since she died I started to watch again....and I feel so sad about it....I'm ready to stop again but I don't know if she sees me....or knows what I'm doing and stuff.....I want to start the promise again 

Usually the promises that are forced upon us are harder to keep because they weren't heartfelt from us to start with, so I'd say it has deeper meaning if it comes from within you.  I've seen court-ordered/mandated things that went in one ear and out the other and had no affect on the person, but if you feel that need to stop from within YOU then it will take.  I hope that makes sense, it has to be something YOU want in order to take affect and sometimes people need help quitting something that's deeply ingrained (therapy).

[Azipod]

9 hours ago, ChrisKris said:

It sucks but at the same time is relieving, To know that I am not the only one in this boat alone..  I lost my girlfriend(twin soul) 2 &1/2 months ago..” Long story short Find my girl purple she passes at hospital ....We were so deep in love and we both knew we had a bond that went so deep that if we had a argument we looked into each others eyes and it was over before it even really got started... We loved and HATED EXACTLY ALL THE SAME THINGS(food,movies,colors,cars,) . I had found the dream girl that I never thought was even real..we would finish each others sentences, say  exactly the same Word at the same time..I cry so much because never again will this ever happen...I still pick up the phone sometimes to call her to tell her something, I feel so lost!!! I am so happy to have found this forum and though... The only thing that comforts is to know when I’m gone(when God calls my number) that I can be with my love again!! 

ChrisKris -- So sorry to hear about your loss.  I share your thoughts about being comforted knowing that one day, I will be with my wife again.  Going through each day of misery, just means that I am one day closer to being with her again.   It might be a long time, but it is progress.  Slowly but surely, I will see and be with her again.    I am very lost as well.

[RicaMae]

My girlfriend /fiancee died today. I could have saved her because I had the money to help her but nobody told me how serious her heart condition was. God knows I really loved Rica Mae. She was 19 and an angel and a blessing on this earth. I am so hurt I can't stop crying. 

[KayC]

@RicaMae  I am so sorry, she is very beautiful.  It is hard to understand how someone so young can just die.  I'm sorry they didn't share with you about her condition.  You must feel devastated.

[RicaMae]

I want her back. I would do anything to have her back. I am completely silent but my tears keep running down my cheeks

[KayC]

I know.  It's the one thing we all want, the one thing we can't have.  We wait for this next life to come when we can be together again, it is my one consolation.  Learning how best to do this time meanwhile...