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Sherrisse

Time doesn't seem to heal

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May 19,2014 is quite easily the worst day of my life. A 36yr old woman with 3 children was taken from this earth. My best friend. Robyn was the exact other half of me. In our small town. People would say we were each other's only friend. Which was very much true. My only trusted friend. My soul sister. My everything. We even had the same due date with our children. I have terrible guilt over that night. She sent me a text angrily cause I was on the area "I could've gone for coffee" which that horrible night I did not. I should have gone for coffee. I just should've..... She was slain that very night while I was driving home from work.  I live with the "what ifs" everyday. This has turned my life upside down and 50million ways from Sunday. I miss her everyday. The pain is worse some days more than others. People say time heals. I really don't feel this is true. The feeling is always there seeing others with their best friends or pictures or memories. I wish them no ill being. It's just a reminder. Of how truly alone I am in my heart. How do I find the "friend" the "best friend" I need In my life. Where do I start when all I need is Robyn :( 

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They say time could heal your wounds if, you're strong and standing tall. I've been doing all of that it didn't help at all.They say you'll grow older, and it'll get better still. Yes I will, but no it won't. They don't get it, cause you're not there .......  - Lyrics from You're not there ~Lukas Graham.

Hey There,
I've lost my family, I listened to the music "You're not there" the lyrics hit me on emotional level that is so strong I cannot suppress my tears from dropping. I have the same perhaps, the same cliché of I should've, would've, could've, even if I did this or that etc...... I wasn't there while they were lying on their death bed. It fills me up with guilts and regrets. I keep thinking about the things that I should've done, infinite loop. My heartache til the point I started to feels difficulty in breathing from time to time.A lot of the basic and usual stuff it felt so hard to perform, time seems to pass by slower. I wish I could time travel.


I can only say cherish every moments you had with your friends and families while you have the chance.

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Dear Sherrisse,

I am very sorry for your pain and sorrow. Losing a best friend is very hard. I know you miss her very much and long to have her back in your life.

Grief is a long journey. Talking to one therapist, she said it could take up to 5 years. Please know you are not alone. If you want to maybe consider talking to a grief counsellor, joining a support group, or doing something in Robyn's honor. There are other websites that I find helpful like What's Your Grief and the Grief Healing Blog. I know my one therapist also suggested writing a letter. She said it wasn't just the passage of time that helps us heal but what we do in that time as well. Be kind to yourself. Try a little bit every day to do something good for you.

I feel as you do and wish so badly to go back in time and do things differently. But that is how life is sometimes, we just didn't know. You loved your friend and even best friend's know that we can't always do everything we want in that moment, we all just do the best we can. I know that feels empty sometimes, but I hope one day you will believe it.

Thinking of you. Sending all my thoughts and prayers.

 

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Dear Sherrisse,

I'm so sorry for your loss.  Time doesn't heal but it becomes different.  I lost a beautiful friend who was very important to me.  Its been 25 yrs now.  I still miss her.  I wonder who we would be now we're older.  I still wish I could talk to her.  Time doesn't heal but it changes.  I'm very sorry for your loss.

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