Need Help

[sasha7]

I need emotional support that I cannot seem to get from anyone at this time.  For the last thirty years my father was married to a woman who was basically very manipulative and would do anything to come between me and my father.  She did succeed in this and my father and I had an up and down relationship for the last thirty years.  Two years ago I told her what I thought of her and it was very freeing for me. I let her know that I was no longer to be toyed with and was not a chess piece in the game she has been playing.  I've watched her be very mean to my father, to the point where my father was in tears.  I've watched as she took over every part of his life, almost possessing every thing about him.  Two years ago he told me he would get a divorce but he said he would not because she would take everything he had.  He meant to retire at 65 and travel some in an RV.  She refused.  He worked until he was in his late 70's and I think most of that was to keep her in the style she had become accustomed to and to avoid her.  In the end she was too cheap to hire a nurse to help him even though they have money.  On his deathbed, she couldn't stand it that I was there and communicating with him, holding his hand and smiling at him and him smiling back at me.  Suddenly she had to interrupt and come between us.  Thus it has been for the last 30 years.  I have decided to not go to my father's funeral because it will be difficult for me to stand with her and her two grown children and look like we were one big happy family.  She will care about how "it looks."  I cannot though and I know that three of my siblings will be angry about this.  One of my brothers feels the same and will not be attending the funeral.  I loved my father:  he had a great life.  I don't think he had any regrets (except for this marriage perhaps!).  If I felt that he had not had a great life and done what he was gifted by God to do, I would be devastated right now.  BUT he did have an awesome life and I do think he accomplished what he was meant to do in life.  I think that he knew how much I loved him and him me.  So I have decided that I will not go.  I look forward to never seeing my stepfamily again.  It sounds so awful to say.  I don't think anyone will truly understand my thinking on this except for my brother who is not going.  Please share with me.  I think that if I went it would wreck any good memory I have of my father and also having to witness my stepmother in action is an awful thing.  I am a very traditional person and never thought that I would be the "kind of person" who wouldn't go to their father's own funeral.  BUT now I know that things are and can be complicated.  I've tried to be a good daughter but it's almost impossible.  In the end I feel like I was a "good friend."  To be a good daughter implies so much more to me... more that will never be realized in this lifetime for me. 

[butterfly13]

I feel that you have every right to not go to your fathers funeral.You were there for him when it counted-when he was alive,so do not let anyone make you feel guilty about your decision.I think that it is much more important to show our loved ones how much we love them when they are alive,treat them good when they are here with us.A funeral is more for the family and friends who want to attend,not for the person that has died-they have moved on to another place.So if you feel like you just can't go under the circumstances,than stick with your decision!!Peace and Hugs To You!!!!

[sasha7]

Thanks.  I've had days to grieve in my own way.  I'm not against funerals just these circumstances that produced such troubles for me. 

[Kelly]

Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.- Facebook and Twitter Integration- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it. - Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible. 

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other. 

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com. 

Kelly Baltzell, MACEO/PresidentBeyond Indigo Family