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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie
Stonesie

I am so scared.

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December 25th (yes, Christmas) is my husband's angel date, the one year anniversary.  All of the sorrow is intensifying, I feel it.  I'm so afraid of how this is going to be.

I have been getting a bit better as the year has gone by but I feel like I'm slipping right back to how it was right after it happened.

I can't even put a finger on why I am afraid.

But I am terrified, and so so sad.

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Awe Stonsie - you’re afraid because of grief.  For those of you who lost partners on significant days, pain must skyrocket. I’m sorry you have to endure this day.  

I understand your fear as I’ve survived one Christmas Day.   I was away from home, staying with family that I’m closest to, but by god it was tough going.  In hindsight, I should have excused myself and spent more time in my bedroom during the day to allow the tears flow freely, earlier. 

I also am dreading the next one, which will be spent in the same manner.  I’d rather spend the day in bed, at my home, but I know I have to give back to the ones who have supported me the best.  Thankfully, they are pretty inderstanding and don’t expect me to be a barrel of laughs.  We’ll need to tackle it one moment at a time. 

I hope you will be with those you’re closest to,

Sending you strength, love and hugs. 

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6 hours ago, Stonesie said:

December 25th (yes, Christmas) is my husband's angel date, the one year anniversary.  All of the sorrow is intensifying, I feel it.  I'm so afraid of how this is going to be. I have been getting a bit better as the year has gone by but I feel like I'm slipping right back to how it was right after it happened.  I can't even put a finger on why I am afraid. But I am terrified, and so so sad.

I am so right there with you.  The one year anniversary of my Charles transition is next Wednesday, and I am feeling very weird.  It seems as if I missed this whole year and I'm right back to that time, a year ago - when my entire world just stopped.  Sure, I am dreading this day but I'm planning to face it head on just as I have faced all the other rites of passage this year. I know that I have to formulate a solid plan, (what that is, I don't know yet) plus a back up contingency one as well.  My kids and I talked about how we would commemorate this date.  My son suggested that we celebrate the fact that we survived a year without my Charles and I think I would be down with that. I can handle patting ourselves on the back for making it through the toughest year of our lives. It will be a graduation ceremony of sorts for us. We have passed all the holidays and significant reminder dates and survived. This is a major accomplishment!  Whatever we do,  we will be together and I know Charles will be with us in spirit and approve.

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You guys may already know this but I recently heard in my "handling the holidays" workshop that we should have something planned for those special days.  In other words, don't have a open schedule but schedule something throughout the day so you do not leave yourself hanging.    And it's always OK to have to cancel something if things come up during that day and you don't end up doing what you had planned.  The important thing is to not leave a "blank day" which can be really difficult if we start feeling down.  Hope this helps.

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10 hours ago, Azipod said:

The important thing is to not leave a "blank day" which can be really difficult if we start feeling down.  Hope this helps.

Good point!   Hadn't through about it that way but worth a try.  Thanks for sharing.

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On 11/29/2017 at 6:38 AM, Francine said:

I am so right there with you.  The one year anniversary of my Charles transition is next Wednesday, and I am feeling very weird.  It seems as if I missed this whole year and I'm right back to that time, a year ago - when my entire world just stopped.  Sure, I am dreading this day but I'm planning to face it head on just as I have faced all the other rites of passage this year. I know that I have to formulate a solid plan, (what that is, I don't know yet) plus a back up contingency one as well.  My kids and I talked about how we would commemorate this date.  My son suggested that we celebrate the fact that we survived a year without my Charles and I think I would be down with that. I can handle patting ourselves on the back for making it through the toughest year of our lives. It will be a graduation ceremony of sorts for us. We have passed all the holidays and significant reminder dates and survived. This is a major accomplishment!  Whatever we do,  we will be together and I know Charles will be with us in spirit and approve.

That's pretty much how I felt at the one year date, patting myself on the back, I felt like a badge would be in order!  I was alone that day so had to get through it on my own, pretty much how I've done my journey, my kids aren't around to be here for me and I doubt they get how hard it is even now.  It does help to have a plan in place though.

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12 hours ago, Azipod said:

You guys may already know this but I recently heard in my "handling the holidays" workshop that we should have something planned for those special days.  In other words, don't have a open schedule but schedule something throughout the day so you do not leave yourself hanging.    And it's always OK to have to cancel something if things come up during that day and you don't end up doing what you had planned.  The important thing is to not leave a "blank day" which can be really difficult if we start feeling down.  Hope this helps.

So true!  I miss having my GF to be with, I wish she hadn't moved to another state!

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On 11/30/2017 at 11:17 AM, KayC said:

That's pretty much how I felt at the one year date, patting myself on the back, I felt like a badge would be in order!  I was alone that day so had to get through it on my own, pretty much how I've done my journey, my kids aren't around to be here for me and I doubt they get how hard it is even now.  It does help to have a plan in place though.

Wow, your strength truly amazes me.  Your work on this website fills a large part of our lives with hope and encouragement.  The only way to be truly satisfied in what you are doing here is to truly believe in your work and know that it is extremely helpful and important; and the only way to do such good work is to love what you are doing. 

I, for one, love what you are doing on this forum and the faith, wisdom and truth you bring is incredible.  God bless you.

 

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Francine, 

I feel very strongly for each of you, it touches me inside very much when someone is going through grief pain, because I know what it is to feel it and go through it.  I know the questioning, the anger, the incredible intense pain, the fear and anxiety of the future, the feeling of aloneness, the missing them.  I don't want anyone to ever have to walk this journey feeling totally alone in their feelings and thinking.  I want each person who comes here looking to know they are heard, that their feelings matter, because they do.  I am so thankful for those who provide such sites as this, because when I went through this 30 years ago, losing my MIL to cancer, there was no such thing, we didn't have PCs, we didn't have the time to go to grief support groups, we were too busy taking care of our loved one, no time to commute to the next city for support, although I'm sure it would have been of help if we could.  Having a grief site is something we can all do in the privacy of our own home, in the wee hours of the night, whenever we can find a moment.  And it helps so much to know there is someone on the other end, someone reading, someone answering, someone real, that feels our pain.

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KayC, I ditto Francine!  I haven't been on here much lately. Have had a family situation to deal with, which was leaving me more stressed and upset, more emotionally exhausted. I have noticed more new members that I haven't responded to, but my heart is with them. The family situation is over the hurdle and leveling out, so I have been taking time for myself to kind of regroup, center myself. I have been missing my husband so much. He was my rock, my center. it was so easy keeping everyone's needs on me balanced out when he was here.

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KC,

You have helped so many including myself . I can't say thank you enough to each and  everyone of you for all the kind words and advice you all take time give others. I haven't posted in awhile as I'm still struggling and feel like I can't contribute much to help anyone but I just wanted to say thank you for words and kindness as it has gotten me through many rough moments. 

Diane 

 

 

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Francine,

You'll never know how much your words meant to me and how timely that was, I appreciate it.

KMB,

I'm glad things are settling down for you.  It is hard facing all of these challenges alone, knowing we are now that head of household and it's no longer a shared task.  I hope you can find some time for yourself, this is a busy time of year.

Dian,

Thank you...sometimes I forget there are others reading when they aren't posting.  I tend to think this is a forum of a dozen or so people, when in actuality, it could be thousands!  It's okay to post even when you feel you have nothing to offer anyone.  I think most of us have felt that way especially in the early time of grief.  It's all a process...a long process...

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