Moderators KayC Posted December 16, 2017 Moderators Report Share Posted December 16, 2017 You're not inferior at all, sadder maybe, but not inferior. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jenn4 Posted December 18, 2017 Author Members Report Share Posted December 18, 2017 I made it through our anniversary (15th) It turned out to be the day he was cremated... so now... there’s no forgetting that date either. It is so hard to try to be positive when all I see is the negative things in the world.. or how I see bad people live such great lives. We weren’t married and have no kids but we talked about it for a while... I hate to think that there won’t be a part of him living on... I think... maybe if we had a kid... some part of him would still be with me... Staying distracted has helped me and in 3 days it will officially be one month since he has been gone. I don’t know how I made it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted December 18, 2017 Moderators Report Share Posted December 18, 2017 I'm glad you made it through your anniversary. Do you have his remains with you? 12 hours ago, Jenn4 said: It is so hard to try to be positive when all I see is the negative things in the world.. or how I see bad people live such great lives. I understand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Azipod Posted December 19, 2017 Members Report Share Posted December 19, 2017 On 12/17/2017 at 7:26 PM, Jenn4 said: I made it through our anniversary (15th) Staying distracted has helped me and in 3 days it will officially be one month since he has been gone. I don’t know how I made it... Give yourself a pat on the back for that. It takes a lot of strength, courage, and energy to make it through those days. The first time around, will always be difficult. The subsequent ones I imagine, will be difficult as well. I still remember myself at the one month period. I was confused, a mess in some aspects but not on others. Coming up on 6-months, I too have absolutely no idea how I've made it to this point. I have never spent this much time away from my wife before and I can't really fathom how it was possible for me to manage to be where I am at. I am absolutely not saying I am OK but the fact that we haven't been able to be together for this time period is really so so sad. It hurts me like hell and kills me to know that going forward the time is going to get A LOT longer. Life can bring so much pleasure....... and PAIN at the same time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted December 19, 2017 Moderators Report Share Posted December 19, 2017 Tell me about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jenn4 Posted December 20, 2017 Author Members Report Share Posted December 20, 2017 On 12/18/2017 at 8:06 AM, KayC said: I'm glad you made it through your anniversary. Do you have his remains with you? I understand. No, he was cremated and sent back with his family in Seattle. There are plans to spread his ashes in CA next year...maybe... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jenn4 Posted December 20, 2017 Author Members Report Share Posted December 20, 2017 On 12/18/2017 at 8:12 PM, Azipod said: Give yourself a pat on the back for that. It takes a lot of strength, courage, and energy to make it through those days. The first time around, will always be difficult. The subsequent ones I imagine, will be difficult as well. I still remember myself at the one month period. I was confused, a mess in some aspects but not on others. Coming up on 6-months, I too have absolutely no idea how I've made it to this point. I have never spent this much time away from my wife before and I can't really fathom how it was possible for me to manage to be where I am at. I am absolutely not saying I am OK but the fact that we haven't been able to be together for this time period is really so so sad. It hurts me like hell and kills me to know that going forward the time is going to get A LOT longer. Life can bring so much pleasure....... and PAIN at the same time. Today is officially one month... today feels like day one all the pain is flooding back ...but I would say the smallest bit less painful. I would describe it as .... instead of a hundred knives stabbing me in chest , 99 knives stabbing me in the chest and 1 stabbing me in the arm 6 months... im scared to get there for fear that everyday that passes I will forget a memory of him... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted December 20, 2017 Moderators Report Share Posted December 20, 2017 It's been 12 1/2 years for me and I remember everything about him, our relationship, our interaction, like it was yesterday. It's still clear. But it feels like a lifetime ago, or like a movie I watched long ago of someone else's life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jenn4 Posted December 20, 2017 Author Members Report Share Posted December 20, 2017 2 hours ago, KayC said: It's been 12 1/2 years for me and I remember everything about him, our relationship, our interaction, like it was yesterday. It's still clear. But it feels like a lifetime ago, or like a movie I watched long ago of someone else's life. Wow 12 1/2 years.. i hope I don’t forget anything... the good or the bad... do u still have to take it day by day? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Azipod Posted December 21, 2017 Members Report Share Posted December 21, 2017 15 hours ago, Jenn4 said: Today is officially one month... today feels like day one all the pain is flooding back ...but I would say the smallest bit less painful. I would describe it as .... instead of a hundred knives stabbing me in chest , 99 knives stabbing me in the chest and 1 stabbing me in the arm 6 months... im scared to get there for fear that everyday that passes I will forget a memory of him... Jenn4, I can assure you that you will not forget a single thing about your partner. The memories I have of my wife is as vivid as ever. That's not because I have good memory but it's really just a testament to our love. 6-months.... yeah. Not a long time, but from a timeline snapshot, it's one hell of a long time to not be with someone. You will graduate to 6-months before you know it. And when you get here, you'll be like me and imagine how people make it to the 1-year mark. And I suppose when you get there, then you look further some more and wonder how you're going to get to the next phase. Yes, your pain will change overtime. It doesn't get better, it's just different. Probably less intense and less raw. But there will be other subtle feelings and emotions that will develop over time that will make it just as painful ..... it pretty much replaces the loss of the pain intensity but your grief will get more complex. You will not forget about him. You will miss him. You surely will. But you will never forget him. Love does not die. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted December 21, 2017 Moderators Report Share Posted December 21, 2017 23 hours ago, Jenn4 said: do u still have to take it day by day? Absolutely! Some people have reacted like I can't understand what they're going through because it's been so long for me. Not so! I remember each and every thing I went through with vivid detail. Our brain's memory operates for memorizing facts differently than it does memorizing things that have our senses involved, that's why it's easier to forget trivia, but when you have an in-depth feeling associated with a time in your life, you're not likely for forget it. The memory carries with it the associated feelings you had back on that very day in vivid color! In a way, I carry with me not only the memories of that time, but the feelings of living without him all these years on top of it. You wonder then how you can handle it if it compounds...the only way we can is that we do adjust little by little, we get used to living alone, we grow accustomed to being the only one here to make decisions. I may not like it, but I am the only one here now! And yet, it's not as if he's totally absent either, it feels like he exists inside of me, never far from me, I reach down inside and pull from his comfort and love whenever I have need of it. Yes, Azipod, how you describe your imagining it t be is pretty much how it is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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