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bumblegal

Grief over my Dads sudden death

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Lost my lovely Dad three weeks ago, he did have cancer but after hurting his leg developed a blood clot which then caused a stroke, although he had cancer we were still expecting him to be with us a few more years after his latest treatments that were due. He had only given me away at my wedding one month before (and was desperate for that moment as was i so it was really a shock to lose him) We knew for four or five days before he went that he was going to die he was off of all monitors and saline and we sat with him in hospital day and night till the end. We cried, laughed, chatted, cried some more and were totally heartbroken at the moment he went. Since then I seem to have switched off all emotions I’m usually very emotional, children in need for example I still felt for the children but not a hint of a tear I’m usually in floods. I have sudden moments of grief and despair over Dad but then for the rest of the day just fine and as if everything is normal , I can chat with friends, laugh with friends etc hear sad songs and there’s nothing, I’ve been in the house a lot and still have a week to wait for the funeral, have been with my family helping to sort arrangements etc and my mum has told me to go to my xmas do Friday night I will but I don’t want to dance. I feel extreme guilt for the lack of emotion generally although I’m so sad deep down and do cry when I least expect it but I’m so worried about how my grieving isn’t what I expected I was so close to my wonderful dad 

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Dear bumblegal,

My deepest sympathies and condolences. I'm very sorry for your loss. The first few days and weeks and even months the loss feels surreal. I think our body is going through a terrible shock. Please know there is no right way or wrong way to grieve. Please do whatever you feel is right for you and don't mind those around you, they will understand.

Before my dad passed I was always quite stoic and hardly ever cried. And since then I have cried more easily then I have my whole life. If you want to maybe consider talking to a grief counsellor or joining a support group. Its always good to be around people going through similar experiences.

I know losing a cherished dad is one of the hardest things in the world. We all want more time.

Sending all my thoughts and prayers. Thinking of you and your family during this difficult time.

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Dear bumblegal,

I am so sorry for your loss.  I agree with reader about the first few weeks and then even months its surreal.  Its shock and we can't fully absorb it and I think we don't want to.  Don't  feel guilty about not being emotional because I'm pretty sure it will come.  You can't escape it.  It will come when it comes.  I've also found grief gets worse over time as the reality really sets in.   I'm very sorry for your loss.

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Thankyou both so much for replying, seems there’s no right or wrong way, it’s just tough right now and another tough time tomorrow as I’m going to see him at the funeral directors, I want to but it’s a final goodbye. Thankyou for helping x

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Dear bumblegal,

I will be thinking of you tomorrow. I know it will be a very tough day. Please know we are all with you.

 

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