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Holidays ..... sigh


urbaneve

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Hello, this is my first post here and today is Thanksgiving.  I lost my husband in a tragic accident back in Aug. of this year. A semi driver crossed over a median and collided with my husband on the highway. While I understand the logistics of it, I am having a hard time wrapping my head around the impossible odds that at that very moment a trucker crossed over and hit him (see, he was on a motorcycle).  I have an 11 year old boy and the one thing that sticks in my mind is my son saying to me "....if I had just asked him to stay home from work and play hookie, then that 5 minutes of him telling me the reasons he had to go to work would have saved his life...."  This is my 11 year old boy telling me this.  I just breaks my heart.  And then I begin thinking that if I had just one more cup of coffee with him that morning, the out come would have changed drastically.

It's one thing when I watched my mother pass slowly of cancer, I mean we knew it was coming, we planned for it, had everything in place.  The proverbially saying...we had our ducks in a row.  But to get a knock at your front door and think it is the UPS guy delivering your husbands new scuba fins that you were going to surprise him with just to find out that it is 2 police officers standing at your door.  I thought to myself "damn him, he got caught speeding and didn't have his insurance up to date"  But when I saw the look in the officers eyes, I knew right then and there that my husband left for work for the last time.  He kissed me and my son for the very last time.  It is a real sucker punch to the gut. 

It is now almost Dec. and he has yet to be cremated because his mother will not agree to the cremation services.  At first, she agreed then all of the sudden she changed her mind and wanted full burial services. Even though it was against my husband's wishes.  He wants to be cremated and have his ashes floating in the Gulf.  (he loved the water and fishing, so that is where he wanted to be when he passed.  But he never made his wishes clear in a will.  She even took me to court and tried removing me as administrator of the estate, lied in an official court order about me keeping my son from her and how much they love, all the while demanding a paternity test. (and wanted me to pay for it)  She even went as far as to ask the judge to give her the urn that my son picked out and I paid for so she could have it to bury in a casket and leave my son with a 6 oz. jar of his ashes. Even though I am the administratix of the estate, I don't have the heart to cremate him and take the ashes and leave her nothing.  But my husband needs to be put to rest and my son and I need closure and a true chance to grieve. 

Here's some food for thought... when the officers were at my house that morning, they informed me that I needed to have someone here with me at the house, they would not leave until someone came over.  I called his mother and told her that there was an emergency and her and her husband needed to come to my house right away.  She refused even after I broke down and told her that her son was not coming home.  Even with my son asking and crying for her to come over, she still refused to come to my house. How does a grandmother do that to her grandson?  I just don't understand it.  There is no reason on this God's green earth that should have kept her from coming to see her grandson.  I ended up having to my husbands nephew to come over.

To top it off, it turns out that my husband did not list my son as the beneficiary of his life insurance and accidental death policies.  He did at first, but after years of her hounding her son about money, he changed the beneficiary payout to her instead of my son.  He didn't even list my son as a second beneficiary. That all goes to his mother and honestly it makes me a bit angry and I am not sure if I have the right to be angry with him about it.  I mean how does a father not leave his only son anything?....  And she has made no effort to take care of her grandson.  In fact in my eyes she has denied her grandson his legacy.  My son was devastated when I had to tell him that the court may want to take a DNA because his grandmother is contesting the very fact that my son is a true heir. There are so many other things that have happened since he passed between me and his mother that I truly haven't had time to grieve his passing.  I feel the grief in the back of my mind lurking there, but with everything going on, I haven't really had time to catch my breath and break down and have a good cry. 

And now the holidays are here and that makes it even worse.  See, we were renewing our vows in Cozumel next June.  He was going the learn how to scuba dive so that after 15 years, I would finally have a dive partner.  It makes me sad that my son will grow up knowing that his father was taken too soon. 

My son is handling so much better than I am.  I am stressed everyday about bills and taking care of my son.  I just don't know what to do. My husband was one of those that always had to be in control of the finances (and honestly, he was terrible at it - God rest his soul)  Now I am so far behind on the bills and I just received a foreclosure notice on the house.  I may have to actually pack up and move to another state for my job. So, I have lost everything, but most of all, my son has lost everything. How do I explain to an 11 year old that what he thought was family has literally pushed him aside and has done nothing to help his go through this process.  I am being strong for my son and he is handling this very well.  (kids are resilient that's for sure).  It is good to know that we have each other.  I have no family left on my side and have now been ostracized from his side of the family, I only work part time but we do receive the SSA death benefits.  But in the end, I will have to give up my home and move to take a full time job to support my son.

Just a thought worth mentioning --- it turns out that the driver of the semi was not authorized to drive at all and had no insurance.  The company that hired him is at fault but I want this man to go to jail and pay for his mistake.  He also was not drug tested either.  So from doing a bit of research I found out that he was in fact supposed to be drug tested.  Who's to say that this driver (who had multiple log violations, 2 previous accidents, and was not legal to drive) wasn't on drugs.  Now I have a lawyer contacting me trying to go after the state police for not doing their job. 

All I want is to put my dear husband to rest and grieve for him and try to pick up the pieces and do all I can for my son to give him the life that he deserves.  (whew, I ended up typing more than I expected.  Thanks for reading.  I guess talking about it does help some.)

Cheers

 

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Hello Urbaneve,  I am truly sorry for the tragic loss of your husband, and your son his Daddy.  Know that I would take you both in my arms and hug you, if I could.  My heart aches for you having to deal with so many issues similar to my own.  My darling hubby of 22 years was was killed as he walked on the footpath in another town. Two other people were injured, one seriously. 

Like yourself, I’d kissed goodbye to a happy, fit and healthy partner in the morning and a few hours later a Police Officer knocked at my door.  The sudden, traumatic death of a soulmate is a difficult one for our minds to process.  It will take time, but it will eventually happen.   In saying that, I still frequently need to ask myself if my nightmare of a life can be for real?  Because we weren’t with our partners when they were killed, and their death occurred suddenly, it makes it all the more difficult to comprehend and accept.  

Coming up with various scenarios regarding the ‘if only’s’ is a symptom of deep grief.  This too will ease in time. 

I am absolutely gobsmacked to read of the cruel unsupportive behaviour of your Mother in law.  Her not coming to support you and her Grandson is incomprehensible, as is her ongoing disgusting behaviour.  I don’t know how a Grandmother would not want to gift the insurance money back to the immediate family of her deceased son, when she can clearly see they need it to keep a roof over their heads.  I’m so sorry you are faced with such dire financial issues.  In my country, if a parent doesn’t provide for a child, especially a minor, in their Will, the court will make an order to do so. I would get some legal advice on this issue.  Does your country have community law centres where you can see a lawyer once, free of charge? If not, maybe you can locate a law firm via the net that does pro bono work.  It is sometimes noted on their website if they do. This is often a way a lawyer chooses to give back to the community, and it strokes their ego’s at the same time. 

I understand your need to see your husband laid to rest.  I’m not sure I’d be as patient as you regarding the delay, under the same circumstances.

You have a lot of major stresses to deal with and need to stay as healthy as you can so don’t neglect your nutritional needs.  I’ve found hypnotherapy and meditation to be very helpful in giving my brain a break from ruminating on events I have no control over.  There are plenty of excellent videos to choose from on youtube. 

I too had problems with the Police not doing their job properly and when they still hadn’t interviewed the man who killed my hubby 17 weeks after doing so, despite my daughter and I pushing them to do so, I paid the prick an unannounced visit at his home.  We had done our own investigating, located and talked with witnesses and were pointing out laws to the Police and were still being fobbed off.   Anyways, the old prick complained to his lawyer about my visit and that visit turned out to be what was needed for the Police to realise we were not going to go away.  I am in no way suggesting you do the same as it is putting yourself at risk, and you have a young son to raise.  My kids are both adults. I kept emailing and phoning the highest ranking Officers in my region and a new, competent cop was given our case -  just in time.  

Urbaneve, as you know the driving record of the man who killed your husband, I assume the Police are doing their job properly now, yes?  Try and do all communication with the Police by email so you create a paper trail, should you need it later.  I can add to that advice if you’d like me to.

Clawing back respect and dignity for my darling drives me as does preventing further deaths such as he suffered.  Already there’s been a change made with how the Police in area where my hubby was killed, handle serious crashes.  And there is now a legal record of the conviction of someone who had a history of increasing blackouts (he chose to call them dizzy spells) and chose to drive whilst feeling one coming on, killed someone with his vehicle and injured others. 

I do hope you will find the understanding, comfort and compassion that is shared on our forum as helpful as I have. Deep grief is pot hole ridden, twisted road, that sadly must be travelled by those of us who have lost a dear soulmate.  It’s often three steps forward, two back but we’re all here to help each other. 

Sending you strength, love and hugs Xx

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Urbaneve,

Wow.  That's a lot to take in.  Your MIL has not considered you or your son for one moment, why would you continue to let her have her way?  It seems she is used to throwing hissies and getting her way.  Time to let your husband be cremated and scatter the ashes according to his wishes, with or without her.  Unbelievable!  

I hope you will talk to the bank about your situation, usually they're willing to work with you a bit when you've encountered circumstances beyond your control.  They aren't in the real estate business, they'd rather not have to go through all that effort.  Is there some way you can increase your hours now or get a full time job to increase your income?   

You say you can't be angry with your husband now.  Yes, you can.  A  lot of us have had to deal with things we found out "afterwards" that we didn't like or understand.  It's okay to feel and experience anger, it doesn't wipe out the love, it sometimes takes a process to accept the whole of the person, bad lumps and all.  Feeling it, processing it, it's all part of the grief process.  If he was alive you would have plenty to say to him about it, it's okay to go ahead and tell him how you are feeling now.  Write a note, or talk out loud.  Then you can move on to the forgiving part and let it go as one of those things you don't understand but can move past anyway.

I am very, very sorry for your loss and all you are going through!  I am glad you found this place, and glad M88 is the first one to find your post and respond to it.  

I hope you'll hire an attorney that will go after the man that killed your husband and the company that hired him, and the police that didn't drug test him!  No excuse for any of this to have happened and they all had a part in it.  The attorney will likely get half of whatever he goes after but what's left is better than nothing, and your son deserves to have whatever you can get so you can support him and not lose your home.

I hope you'll keep coming here.  It helps to know you're heard and understood and all your feelings are normal and you're not alone in what you're going through.  We're here, we're listening.

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Hello again.  Thank you both for your responses.  I have decided today that I am going to go ahead with my hubby's last wishes and cremate him.  I do not need her consent nor her "permission" so to say.  Yes, KayC, she is used to getting her way and so far I have put up enough legal road blocks that she is not getting her way this time.  I found out that her own lawyer has dismissed her as a client.  I was floored to be honest (and a bit amused too),  I contacted the DA's office today and they are supposed to be getting back to me by Monday, so I will be putting in a call again then.  I am going to push really hard for this guy to go to jail for what he did.  I also found out that I can actually go for child support from my MIL.  If she won't voluntarily support her own grandson, then I see what I can do to make her.  The thing that gets stuck in my brain is that my hubby always told me that Wyatt was the beneficiary of his policies.  It makes me wonder if my son ever was or he just changed it to help out his mother.  And why would he not list my son as the second beneficiary?

I do have a lawyer, who is also a sitting judge in one of our counties, so I think that will have some influence over what happens to this guy.  AT least I hope it does. Even though I can sue the company that hired him, I am also suing him personally as well.  He needs to know the ramifications of his actions.  I want him to look into my sons eyes and see the devastation that he caused. Even though my son is handling pretty well, I can see how he is hurting inside.  But at least I can take comfort in knowing that he will be set for life now.

Another interesting fact is that there was a case ("Troxel v. Granville) that states I do not need to grant grandparents visitation.  At this point I do not feel comfortable having my son around her.  She is very vile and manipulative and I worry what she is going to say to my son.  Even though the lawyer said for her and I not to have a conversation, she still could have called to speak to her grandson (which she has not done).  She will never give up that money to my son.  She is a self indulgent gambler and will put her 20yr old daughter through college before anything.  She says she loves her grandson, but at the same time demands a paternity test be given.  She even went as far as to lie and defamate me in a court order when she tried (and lost) to remove me as the administrator of the estate.  So if she keeps pushing I will have no choice but to sue her for liable and defamation plus perjury.  And sad is it is, I would be doing that just for my piece of mind.

M88,  I am very sorry to hear of your loss as well. It seems you and I have a lot in common with our situations.  It is so strange at times for me when I hear a motorcycle in my neighborhood -- I immediately think it is him coming home from work or something along those lines.  I always look at the clock the same time everyday and expect him to walk through the door and he never does.  It is heart wrenching at times.  Christmas is not something I am looking forward to this year, that's for sure.

But we all must go on and right now I just need to be here for my son and be the best mom that I can be.

 

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Perhaps his mother bullied him into listing her as beneficiary, he may not have thought of having a second beneficiary and if he didn't see a lawyer it may not have come up.  She sounds like a type of person that presents as formidable, it's time someone stand up to her and her bullying!  One thing I know, when my husband died, I grew a lot of moxie!  Something about having to go through all this and having to reach inside for every ounce of inner strength, even while we're so exhausted we don't feel we can go another day!

I'm glad you can get support for your son.  I don't understand your MIL at all, who would not care about their own grandchild?!  Maybe she's a narcissist. Keep fighting for your son's rights.

I wish you well with the perpetrator that killed your husband, I hope you get some form of justice on his behalf.

You are focusing on what you need to and I have a feeling you're a spirit to be reckoned with and that will help!

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I am very sorry about your husband and everything you and your son are going through. There are no words to adequately express my sorrow and your pain.

As someone who’s MIL is as toxic as they come I had to break off any contact with her and Lauri’s father. Frankly, she caused Lauri (my wife) much pain during life and she looks to blame me and cause me pain after Lauri’s death. I may feel ripped to pieces at losing Lauri but I will not be kicked, belittled or mistreated. Anyone who is not respectful due to their own viciousness will never be allowed to be a part of my life. 

You do what you think is right for you and your son. Trust your instincts and, if you pray, pray. 

I wish you peace and healing during such a difficult time. 

 

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Wow! Just reading your story amazes me at how inconsiderate  his mother and your son's grandmother can be.  I am truly sorry for your loss and my heart goes out to you and your son.  Personally, I think you are being to accommodating to the grandmother's wishes.  Unless there's something in writing stating she has the legal rights to your husband's burial services; than the final decision is legally yours and I wouldn't give her the time of day.   I hope you have retained legal representation for what the grandmother is trying to pull as well as the company responsible for your husband's death.

Your number one responsibility now is taking care of your son.  Your husband should be laid to rest to bring closure to yourself and your son even if that means terminating your relationship with his mother.   I get it, you want your son to have a relationship with his grandmother, but she has shown by her actions that she is toxic.  You are grieving and are allowed to walk away from  people who are toxic and hurt you.  You are allowed to be angry and selfish and unforgiving and you don't owe anyone an explanation to anyone.  Remember - #1 Priority is you son  -  When a child loses a parent it can create intense emotional feelings that they sometimes don't know what to do with.   Perhaps the most important thing anyone can offer a child who has lost a parent is time.  It is essential to their emotional well-being and I think one way for that to happen is laying his father to rest. You owe it to yourself and your son. It's time. 

It is so unfortunate that you lost your husband and that things didn't turn out the way you wanted for your family.   It's unfortunate that his mother has lost her son and is alienating her grandson; but sometimes things go wrong and can't be fixed and stay broken.  Somewhere down the road, I hope you can forgive your son's grandmother; not because she deserves it, but because it prevents you from staying angry and robs you from your happiness and peace.  I know you and your son will get through this bad time and  keep looking for better ones and you know what  -  those better times will happen as long as you have one another.

I hope you continue to post here; God is amazing; HE has put us here on this forum, at this time with HIS people to comfort one another in our time of need. Know you are in my prayers.

 
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I am so, so sorry for you and your son's loss. i am also sorry for everything you have been enduring. It is inconceivable how people, usually relatives, can behave so badly, so callously.

I ditto everyone's replies to you. Hold your head high and fight the best you can, for you and your son's rights. The love bond between you and your husband will always be there and he is proud of you!

Sending prayers for God's strength, love, comfort and eventual peace.  (HUGS)

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I hope you’re doing OK, Urbaneve.  I wonder if you any further ahead with laying your hubby to rest?  

I apologise for not getting back to your thread till now - I’m having a very tough time with the powers that be and am feeling quite defeated.  I am now having to fight to get a Coroner’s Inquest - unbelievable!  But, injustices against our departed loved ones can give us a strength we didn’t know we possessed.  We need to use that strength wisely, whilst at the same time taking care of our ourselves, and you your son.   There is a second person who I hold equally responsible for my partners death so am working towards having her made accountable for her actions.  Staying healthy is a must when you’ve got battles like this to fight.

I’m glad you have good representation.  I’m amazed that a sitting Judge is able to continue to work as a lawyer!  That can’t happen in my country.  I had problems with my lawyer.  Whether he thought our case wouldn’t make it to court or my poor financial situation put him off, I will never know,  but he abandoned me.  He wanted back on board when the offender was finally charged and he didn’t like hearing what I thought of his representation, when he phoned me.  He then did something vindictive and unprofesssional, to me. My complaint against him with the Law Society has been a lot of work and taken nearly all year.  It’s been like putting a prosecution case together with lots of toing froing.  Gathering evidence and learning this side of the law has filled in a lot of time.  Even brought me some enjoyment and satisfaction, alongside the frustration.  We shall learn his fate in a couple of weeks.  He just may be looking for a new career in the NY. 

We can’t sue offenders who kill on our roads in my country, more’s the pity.  I’m sure it would make people think twice about the consequences of their actions, if we could.  My country, a tourist destination with roads not created for high volumes of traffic, changed the law a few years back so people couldn’t sue.  We have an horrifically high road toll.  Tourists and locals alike, will continue to take risks on our roads as there is very little deterrent not too. 

I also have major family problems.  Mainly with my late hubby’s 50 yr old adopted daughter.  I used to love her so much but had to part ways with her last year due to her behaviour and lying.  She told a whopping lie when she read out her victim impact statement in Court recently.  A lie to cover her backside over an ongoing issue which involves the well being of her children, our much loved grandchildren.  An issue that I was dealing with before my hubby was killed. I was gobsmacked and disgusted that she chose to lie at the sentencing of the man who killed her father - the kind, loving man who raised and loved her like his own.  An easily proven lie.  Her nature is much the same as your MIL  urbaneve - self serving and manipulating. 

I so agree that driver needs jail time.  Has he been charged?  And the Company who employed him for needs a wake up call and made an example of.  I too will be laying a complaint against the police.  My darling deserved a far better investigation than he got.  I wish you well with your case against these people and hope it goes more smoothly and quicker than mine. 

Know you’re in my thoughts. 

Sending strength, love and hugs XX 

 

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Hi M... I am doing better and sadly the answer is no to putting him to rest, so I emailed the lawyer today and said "...since I am the administrator of the estate, I want him cremated and home by Christmas..."  I also told the atty. that this has gone on long enough and he needs to be put to rest and my son needs closure.  I still do not understand how a mother can't see past her blind rage, greed and selfishness and put her last child alive to rest.  It is rather disgusting to me.

I did find out though that her atty fired her as a client.  I guess he had enough of her crazy.  Which was a little light in my corner.  She still plans to move forward with the grandparents visitation, but she sort of shot herself in the foot several times.  First, by asking for a paternity test, then not coming over to the house when her grandson asked her to the day he passed away, then not even calling to speak to him all these months and now that she has received the insurance money, she has not made any step towards supporting her very own grandson, plus hse does not have the continuity of care and sadly both her daughters died of drug overdoses (one in her own home) and then her granddaughter was drinking and smoking weed in her own home and honestly I do not want my son around that.  Plus there is a supreme court case that defines grandparents visitation optional basically. 

I am sorry to hear about your family troubles as well.  It is sad really - how a death can either tear a family apart or bring them closer together. I can't believe that she actually lied in court. And not to sound vindictive, but I would bring that lie to the surface.  Did it have any outcome on the sentencing for the man who killed your hubby?  As far as the man that killed mine, we are still waiting to hear from the DA about whether or not they are going to bring charges forth.  It is bad enough that they never drug tested this guy, but if they chose to not charge him, I will be furious and will go to the media about it.

I also wish you well and I will talk to you soon.  If it is not before Christmas, have a very Merry Chirstmas

Cheers

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I’m sorry you aren’t any further ahead with laying your hubby to rest, urbaneve.  Stay strong as you’ll no doubt experience backlash from your MIL. I have no problem understanding your wishes. 

Is there a statute of limitations on driving offences in your country?   In my country, if charges are going to be laid, they have to be done so within 6 months.  We didn’t learn this until nearly half that time frame was up.  Boy, did my daughter and I step up our researching and put up a fight to have a proper, balanced investigation conducted after learning of this!  We went above the heads of the police conducting the investigation as we had no confidence in their work.  We told the hierarchy what we’d discovered ourselves and insisted they conduct a more in depth investigation.  We had to get very demanding of those at the top of the ladder.   It was blimmin hard work!  But finally a new competent Police Officer was given the file and it was given to a Prosecutor in another region for his recommendations.  It took another 17 months to get to Court :(  

We got a conviction of careless driving causing death and 3 counts of careless driving causing injury.  Our aim was to have him made to be accountable for Gerry’s death.  We didn’t expect justice as we know from our research that our Justice system is broken.  Offender’s rights and needs more often than not take priority over victims in our country.  We’ve had such a **** time I tell you, and the job is still only half done! 

Yes, the right people know about my stepdaughters lies and the devious reasons behind it, have been informed.  She hoodwinked the authorities when they investigated her earlier in the year - maybe they’ll put a competent person on the case this time round.  If the media hadn’t been in Court I would have stood and called her out on it, but the issue involves her children, whom I love dearly and have been trying to protect.  No, her lies didn’t affect the outcome of the sentencing.  She used the courtroom, and later the media, as a platform to spin her lies, which she’s counting on to absolve her from neglecting her children’s well being, should the need arise. 

Look after your lad and yourself as best you can, urbaneve.  You have a very stressful time ahead of you.  It’s crucial you eat healthily - even if only tiny amounts often.  I take extra vitamins as well.  

Sending you strength  love and hugs XX 

 

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My heart is with both of you, you have suffered more than anyone should ever have to.   (((hugs)))

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Well - here's an update.  I received a letter from the DA's office.  It came back No True Bill.  Basically, this guy doesn't even have to go to court and nothing goes on his record.  They simply decided not to press charges AT ALL.  I am so angry.  But  I can say this, I am not letting it rest, I am going to appeal to the DA and see if he will reopen the case.  See, the driver had no insurance, multiple log violations, 2 previous accidents prior to this and was not even authorized to drive a big rig.  So, if the company had done their due diligence and found this out, he would have never been on the road in the first place and my husband would still be here to celebrate the holidays with his family.  The company made a settlement offer.  And of course it is a small trucking company and not worth anything.  But it will be enough to take care of my son into his adult life and college too.

And to top that off, his mother pushed for the paternity test (which I agreed to all along just so I can shove the results in her face and shut her up) so I had to explain to my son why his grandmother is doing this to him.  I am not one of those parents that try to dance around a sensitive subject with my son - I have always been upfront and forthright with him and it has made all the difference in the world. But what she is doing - It disgusts me to the core.  She hasn't even bothered to call him or send a card let alone get him anything for Christmas.  But she states that she loves her grandson and doesn't get to spend any time with him.  pfft.  Nothing but lies.  So I will be happy when this year is over.  We still haven't even cremated him because she has dug her heels in on every move we try to make to give my hubby some peace.  But I do find it a bit amusing that her own attorney fired her as a client.  So all that life insurance money that should go to sending her granddaughter to college or set in a trust for my son is now being spent on new lawyers and gambling.  I feel like a lifetime movie and I am learning the full extent of depravity that people are willing to go to just to make a buck.  My attorney and I agree that she really doesn't want visitation with my son, she wants his money but she is gong to fight it just because.  People in jail have better morals that she does.

But Christmas is almost over and a new year is beginning, so I am hoping for some closure finally.  Dear hubby won't be home for the holidays though.  My son had to take the paternity test and we have to have a hearing before we can cremate him.  She has finally decided to agree to the cremation, BUT, she wants to take the large urn that I paid for and my son picked out and keep that in order to bury him in a casket.  She wants to give my son the 6oz. urn that goes with the larger one to my son.  How does a mother not want to put her last remaining child to rest just to get back at someone else?  This is something I will never be able to wrap my head around.  I don't think there is any reason or excuse that she could come up to justify her horrible behavior.  My hubby would be so disgusted with her, so much in fact that he would disown her.

Okay, I have prattled on long enough.  I hope you guys have a wonderful Christmas and a fruitful new year.

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6 hours ago, urbaneve said:

Well - here's an update.  I received a letter from the DA's office.  It came back No True Bill.  Basically, this guy doesn't even have to go to court and nothing goes on his record.  They simply decided not to press charges AT ALL.  I am so angry.  But  I can say this, I am not letting it rest, I am going to appeal to the DA and see if he will reopen the case.  See, the driver had no insurance, multiple log violations, 2 previous accidents prior to this and was not even authorized to drive a big rig.  So, if the company had done their due diligence and found this out, he would have never been on the road in the first place and my husband would still be here to celebrate the holidays with his family.  The company made a settlement offer.  And of course it is a small trucking company and not worth anything.  But it will be enough to take care of my son into his adult life and college too.

And to top that off, his mother pushed for the paternity test (which I agreed to all along just so I can shove the results in her face and shut her up) so I had to explain to my son why his grandmother is doing this to him.  I am not one of those parents that try to dance around a sensitive subject with my son - I have always been upfront and forthright with him and it has made all the difference in the world. But what she is doing - It disgusts me to the core.  She hasn't even bothered to call him or send a card let alone get him anything for Christmas.  But she states that she loves her grandson and doesn't get to spend any time with him.  pfft.  Nothing but lies.  So I will be happy when this year is over.  We still haven't even cremated him because she has dug her heels in on every move we try to make to give my hubby some peace.  But I do find it a bit amusing that her own attorney fired her as a client.  So all that life insurance money that should go to sending her granddaughter to college or set in a trust for my son is now being spent on new lawyers and gambling.  I feel like a lifetime movie and I am learning the full extent of depravity that people are willing to go to just to make a buck.  My attorney and I agree that she really doesn't want visitation with my son, she wants his money but she is gong to fight it just because.  People in jail have better morals that she does.

But Christmas is almost over and a new year is beginning, so I am hoping for some closure finally.  Dear hubby won't be home for the holidays though.  My son had to take the paternity test and we have to have a hearing before we can cremate him.  She has finally decided to agree to the cremation, BUT, she wants to take the large urn that I paid for and my son picked out and keep that in order to bury him in a casket.  She wants to give my son the 6oz. urn that goes with the larger one to my son.  How does a mother not want to put her last remaining child to rest just to get back at someone else?  This is something I will never be able to wrap my head around.  I don't think there is any reason or excuse that she could come up to justify her horrible behavior.  My hubby would be so disgusted with her, so much in fact that he would disown her.

Okay, I have prattled on long enough.  I hope you guys have a wonderful Christmas and a fruitful new year.

I have a different situation but also there's some weird stuff going on with my beloved's estate. He listed me as a beneficiary and the parents are trying to claim access so everything has been frozen. I don't care for any of his money; nothing can bring him back, and the way they have approached this has made me resent them. They just had him cremated; he died over a month ago now. They're offering me the ashes, which I think is to get me in their good graces. He didn't even have a good relationship with them.

This season already sucks for us; the whole legality of it all makes it even harder. I'm so sorry you're going through this and that there's a child in the middle of it. It's devastating as it is; it's worse that way. I'm thinking of you.

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Hugs and prayers going out to you, urbaneve.   I'll never understand how loss can turn some families into spiteful, selfish monsters. I believe they never had an ounce of true, unconditional love for that person who is lost.  I am sorry for what you and your son are having to endure.

I wish you and your son a peaceful, blessed Christmas day and positive blessings into the new year.    (HUGS)

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lovingstill,   Hugs and prayers for you as well. Even though we are hurting, we have to keep in mind the true meaning of Christmas and our loved ones are still with us in spirit form and still loving us.

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Urbaneve,

I'm sorry for that news, it's hard to comprehend how someone can get away with that, I hope the DA listens to you and I wish you luck with it.

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