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Loss of mom, dad seeing someone new


fletch14

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It has been almost ten months since my mom passed away. I have had some of my lowest lows, and some moments where I feel like I am skating on the surface of life and am somewhat okay. Right now, unfortunately, I feel like I am in a very low place.

My dad recently started dating someone else. Which is hard in so many ways. Mostly - I feel like he is moving on faster than I am. He has now taken off his wedding ring and removed photos of my mom from the house. It is possible that this helps with HIS grieving process, but it does not help with mine. I need my mom to stay with me, to be present in my daily life. My siblings are also not very helpful in terms of support, so I have been leaning on my dad mostly. And now I feel like I don't want to. Like he is moving on into this other life, and I just feel SO alone and family-less.

I have talked to my dad about this, but it does not seem to help. Really what I feel like I need is space from everything. But since my dad lives close to me, I feel like everything (including this new woman) is in my face daily.

I just feel like I have majorly regressed and I have tears in my eyes all the time. Any thoughts??

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PatriciaEileen
2 hours ago, fletch14 said:

It has been almost ten months since my mom passed away. I have had some of my lowest lows, and some moments where I feel like I am skating on the surface of life and am somewhat okay. Right now, unfortunately, I feel like I am in a very low place.

My dad recently started dating someone else. Which is hard in so many ways. Mostly - I feel like he is moving on faster than I am. He has now taken off his wedding ring and removed photos of my mom from the house. It is possible that this helps with HIS grieving process, but it does not help with mine. I need my mom to stay with me, to be present in my daily life. My siblings are also not very helpful in terms of support, so I have been leaning on my dad mostly. And now I feel like I don't want to. Like he is moving on into this other life, and I just feel SO alone and family-less.

I have talked to my dad about this, but it does not seem to help. Really what I feel like I need is space from everything. But since my dad lives close to me, I feel like everything (including this new woman) is in my face daily.

I just feel like I have majorly regressed and I have tears in my eyes all the time. Any thoughts??

Sorry for your loss. My dad passed away 11 months ago, and my dear lovely mom just four days ago, and I was her caregiver. I already feel anger at some family members who seem to be moving on with their lives, but I think that's just me. I do not have kids and currently not married but my siblings do have children and are currently married so they have to move forward with things in life. I guess it's because I do not have anything else to focus on because my focus was my mom for the last five years and now she's gone so suddenly.

Your dad is most likely grieving in his own way. I read somewhere that it's harder on men losing a spouse after years, because they do not turn to people to talk about their feelings as much and also have a need to be taken care of after years of being married and losing their spouse. Maybe starting to date, and removing your mom's pictures was your dad's way of saving himself from a deep depression or even worse than that. Would your mom have wanted him to date and remarry and be taken care of or just pine away for her alone the rest of his life? What did your dad say when you talked to him about your feelings? It's so hard to be in a place of sadness and it seems everyone has just moved on and it makes you think you have the problem. I feel this already and it's only been four days.I visited my sister two days ago and was getting mad, because she was watching the Sunday football game and actually getting happy when her team made a touchdown. I felt like screaming "How can you give a damn about this crap when mom just died". It's not rational I know, but it's how I felt. I know my sister was hurting.

 I know my mom had guilt because I dedicated the last five years of my life to being her caretaker and basically pushed all social life aside. She even told me "I worry all the time about you being alone when I die". I keep thinking about her words because I know she would want me to start taking care of myself and start doing things I set aside for the last several years. I have moments of "it's going to be okay" and moments that I think I'll never survive this loss. We all grieve differently and at a different pace.

Just sit and ask your dad about removing the pictures and how it hurts you, and see what he says about where he is right now and see what his state of mind is right now. Again, he probably needed to do this for his own well being.

 

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