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Lost my new wife


Perfalcon

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Hi there, 

I am trying to find an outlet for my pain and numbness. A week and a half ago I lost my 31 year old wife after her short, aggressive battle with cancer. She died a month and a half after we got married. Due to the progression of the illness we didn't get to do anything new, and we didn't even get to do things like have a last dance (we both loved to dance together).  We had been planning for ages what we were going to do with the rest of our lives after we got married, and that was all taken away suddenly. We were just starting our life together, and it hurts so much to know that we will not get to experience those things together, and more that my wife will not get to do what she wanted. My head is just starting to come round to the fact that she is not coming back. I miss her so much. 

Thanks for taking time to read my thoughts.

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I am so sorry, it feels so wrong when it is someone so young, just starting your lives out.  There are many here that are young and experiencing this, they will be along shortly.  I will share this article I wrote in my 12 year journey, although it may be too soon for it to even resonate with you, perhaps you can save it and read it when you are more ready.
 

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

  • Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of it's own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
  • Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
  • Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
  • Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.
  • Try not to isolate too much.  
  • There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
  • Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
  • Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.]
  • In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
  • Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
  • Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
  • Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
  • Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
  • Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
  • Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
  • Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs))) Praying for you today.

 

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Hi Perfalon

I'm so sorry for your loss, it’s tough. I lost my husband to cancer within a short time after he was diagnosed. He passed away last December and coming a year, even till now. I’m still missing him and definitely don’t look forward to the festive holidays. 

Just a few months ago, I finally realized he’s never ever coming back. It’s not easy, grief hits us like a wave some days ok and some days not. 

You are the right place, everyone here is very supportive and ready to listen to you. 

Hugs to you. Please take care. 

Sylvia

 

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Perfalcon, I am very sorry for your loss.  I lost my husband 4 months ago.   I remember during the first few weeks, I wanted to talk to every friend and relative about my loss and asked a lot of "why".  But it was hard to find anyone who could be emotionally related.  When you feel stuck, please keep coming back here to vent.

KayC, I read your guide word by word this time.  Thanks for the wise advice of your 12 years of journey, which gives me some light for the future.

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8 hours ago, Perfalcon said:

Hi there, 

I am trying to find an outlet for my pain and numbness. A week and a half ago I lost my 31 year old wife after her short, aggressive battle with cancer. She died a month and a half after we got married. Due to the progression of the illness we didn't get to do anything new, and we didn't even get to do things like have a last dance (we both loved to dance together).  We had been planning for ages what we were going to do with the rest of our lives after we got married, and that was all taken away suddenly. We were just starting our life together, and it hurts so much to know that we will not get to experience those things together, and more that my wife will not get to do what she wanted. My head is just starting to come round to the fact that she is not coming back. I miss her so much. 

Thanks for taking time to read my thoughts.

There are lots of people who will help you through this dreadful time. I am so sorry for your pain. Take care of yourself and let everyone support you. I am sending you love and healing. I know you feel like you are in dark tunnel but you will find the strength to get through this. Be patient and kind to yourself. thinking of you 

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14 hours ago, Perfalcon said:

Hi there, 

I am trying to find an outlet for my pain and numbness. A week and a half ago I lost my 31 year old wife after her short, aggressive battle with cancer. She died a month and a half after we got married. Due to the progression of the illness we didn't get to do anything new, and we didn't even get to do things like have a last dance (we both loved to dance together).  We had been planning for ages what we were going to do with the rest of our lives after we got married, and that was all taken away suddenly. We were just starting our life together, and it hurts so much to know that we will not get to experience those things together, and more that my wife will not get to do what she wanted. My head is just starting to come round to the fact that she is not coming back. I miss her so much. 

Thanks for taking time to read my thoughts.

Perfalcon, I am terribly sorry to hear about this.   I need to applaud you for your courage and for the love you have for your wife.  You fulfilled her dreams and gave her the gift (marriage) that she very much wanted.   I understand you are going through a lot of pain at this time.  During the initial weeks, I was completely lost.  I was in a fog.  I could not think properly nor could I even grasp the fact that my wife was no longer here.  It is incredibly painful and there are no words to explain the grief and the strength it takes to overcome even hour of the day.   Be kind to yourself and take care of your needs.   We will always be here to support you as you embark on this unfortunate journey.     My wife and I are also in our 30's.  Losing a partner at a younger age presents another unique set of challenges.    Take the time that you need to take care of things on your end and come back here to share whatever you need to get off your chest.  I know this is very painful but if there's one thing for you to remember, it is that you are not alone.   We are all here with you.

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It's very hard and everyone tries a different way to cope with the pain or (pointlessly) trying to avoid it. My wife was already very sick when we finally married. Brave as she was she managed to make it another two years. She died a bit more than a year ago at age 45.
At first I tried to block out every thought, every emotion, every memory. I just went back to the live I led before I even met her, and that wasn't a good life.
It took a year before I had my first bursts of energy to do anything at all. But still these are rare and I'm far from doing what I know I should do.
You just gonna let happen what will happen. Let the thoughts run, allow the pain, the anger, the disappointment. It seems so cruel but it's necessary.
Often family or friends just can't understand, will say stupid things or just disappear.
But you're not alone. Everyone here has gone through the same thing, though in different ways. You have to find your own way, but maybe we can help you find it.

Marcel

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On 11/21/2017 at 9:09 AM, Perfalcon said:

Hi there, 

I am trying to find an outlet for my pain and numbness. A week and a half ago I lost my 31 year old wife after her short, aggressive battle with cancer. She died a month and a half after we got married. Due to the progression of the illness we didn't get to do anything new, and we didn't even get to do things like have a last dance (we both loved to dance together).  We had been planning for ages what we were going to do with the rest of our lives after we got married, and that was all taken away suddenly. We were just starting our life together, and it hurts so much to know that we will not get to experience those things together, and more that my wife will not get to do what she wanted. My head is just starting to come round to the fact that she is not coming back. I miss her so much. 

Thanks for taking time to read my thoughts.

I am so sorry for your loss and know too well your pain.  Losing someone is already difficult enough, but losing someone so young must be devastating.  My heart literally goes out to you.  I was not prepared for my Charles death; I don't think we ever are (even when it is expected).  But a young death; it's just not the norm and goodbyes hurt the most when the story was not finished.   Cancer takes those we love far too early.  Simple words don’t do an entire LIFETIME justice.  Nothing can explain why cancer swoops in….grabs a hold of someone you love….and swallows them whole - NOTHING.

You lose someone you love more than you love yourself and get a crash course in mortality.  There is no pain greater than this.  It can feel like a cut from a double jagged-edged sword or the pain of a fire victim burned over 90% of their entire body.  Nothing burns your heart like the emptiness of losing someone before you truly learn of their value in your life. 

People mean well; after my Charles made his transition, they said how brave I was. But I felt far from brave; I was scared; I was terrified; I was holding my breath to see if I could even survive this or if I even wanted to. I was on a journey, I didn't want to walk.  What people don't know or seem to understand is– it’s a life sentence for us. One we didn’t ask for, or want– it’s one we were charged with against our will. The life sentence doesn’t change, or lessen, or ever go away. Not with time, not with a whole lot of anything. We’re forced members of the God-awful club that is everyone worst nightmare. A club we can never leave. So what are our options? We are forced to lean into it– to grin and bear it. We are forced to find grit we never knew we had. We are forced to dig deeper than is probably humanly possible. We are forced to live out this horrific life sentence, some how, some way, even though everything within us is screaming, NO. We are forced to learn how to consistently do hard. Over and over and over again.  Because, guess what? Hard is the only choice we have, the only choice we were given. Either we find a way, or we give up, right? And giving up isn’t an option.

Miss her, Yes, you will; mourn her, Yes you must but honor her.  Honor her by living your life to the fullest (I think she would want that) You will see her again, this is not where it ends - when you see her again, it will be forever.  You say you loved to dance, well know she's waiting to dance with you again on the other side.  She will always be a fixture in your heart until you do.  And know that the short time you shared together, you loved a lifetime.  Know you made the rest of her life life worth living; you were there for the good and the bad news; you were there through all the pain and all the tears, and you never failed to do everything you could to help in her journey.  Some may say it is near impossible to make this type of journey easy in any way, but you somehow did. It was by no means painless, but you managed to take some of the pain away, physical or not. You were there, and that is all she needed. 

I hope you continue to post here.  We're like family trying to encourage, inspire and uplift one another.  It's no accident, coincidence or fluke we are here - it's God sending the right time, the right place and the putting the right people into our lives at this right moment.

Sending prayers your way and I ask that God give you HIS love, HIS strength and HIS peace to get through the most difficult time in your life. 

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On 11/21/2017 at 9:09 AM, Perfalcon said:

I am trying to find an outlet for my pain and numbness. A week and a half ago I lost my 31 year old wife after her short, aggressive battle with cancer. She died a month and a half after we got married. Due to the progression of the illness we didn't get to do anything new, and we didn't even get to do things like have a last dance (we both loved to dance together).  We had been planning for ages what we were going to do with the rest of our lives after we got married, and that was all taken away suddenly. We were just starting our life together, and it hurts so much to know that we will not get to experience those things together, and more that my wife will not get to do what she wanted. My head is just starting to come round to the fact that she is not coming back. I miss her so much. 

I am so deeply sorry. There have been many new members to this unwanted club, since I joined over a year ago. It causes me to wonder how much heartache we can handle. I feel so much for each of us here. We have all lost the one we cherished above all others. Our road of grief is unique for each of us, but we know the pain, the shock, numbness, confusion, emptiness and loneliness. Nothing about this life journey makes sense.

I ditto everyone's replies to you. Surviving is what we do for now. One minute, one hour, one day at a time.

Sending prayers for God's love, strength, comfort and eventual peace.  (HUGS)

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On 21/11/2017 at 3:56 PM, KayC said:

I am so sorry, it feels so wrong when it is someone so young, just starting your lives out.  There are many here that are young and experiencing this, they will be along shortly.  I will share this article I wrote in my 12 year journey, although it may be too soon for it to even resonate with you, perhaps you can save it and read it when you are more ready.
 

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

  • Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of it's own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
  • Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
  • Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
  • Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.
  • Try not to isolate too much.  
  • There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
  • Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
  • Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.]
  • In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
  • Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
  • Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
  • Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
  • Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
  • Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
  • Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
  • Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs))) Praying for you today.

 

Hi KayC, 

Thank you for your list, I've read it briefly and will come back to it from time to time in later times. I know that some of the points will be very important. 

Thanks a lot.

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Thank you all for your responses and love. It's nice to know there are people to be able to communicate with who are going through the same things.

Had the funeral yesterday, which ended with a cremation. That was the hardest time so far, knowing physically that her body was no longer on this earth. So much pain and hurt. I'm so thankful for the people around me at this time, though. From tomorrow, I am going to have to stay in the house on my own. I am not looking forward to that. 

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12 minutes ago, Perfalcon said:

Thank you all for your responses and love. It's nice to know there are people to be able to communicate with who are going through the same things.

Had the funeral yesterday, which ended with a cremation. That was the hardest time so far, knowing physically that her body was no longer on this earth. So much pain and hurt. I'm so thankful for the people around me at this time, though. From tomorrow, I am going to have to stay in the house on my own. I am not looking forward to that. 

Perfalcon,

It is so difficult to attend a funeral for a loved one, let alone our own partner.  I remember mine vividly.  The day was difficult, but for me it also felt like it was simply a process that I needed to go through.  Even though I was alert, I still felt that I was really just going through the motions because my body had not had the time to process all of the grief yet.   

I am glad that you were able to complete your day yesterday.  Please feel free to come back here and share your thoughts and feelings.  We all understand what you are going through and can do all we can to provide the support.   I do however, feel obligated to tell you that attending the funeral, is really just the initial steps out of thousands that you will begin to go through in this grief journey.   There will be challenging days, with emotions and feelings running wild.   In my personal experience, the first few months were very painful ...  it felt like someone that was twice your size clocking you over and over on the face.    Once I got 4 months into it, things were different.  The pain will still always be there.  But the intensity is not as intense.  Rather than someone punching you repeatedly, now, I feel like i'm walking around, stabbed with a knife inside my body.  It's different.  The intensity of the pain is less, but walking around crippled in some ways, feels worst because the pain is with you 24/7.

 

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Perfalcon,

There are really no words. I am very sorry you and your wife were robbed of the hopes and dreams for your future. My wife, Lauri, died 5 days after we were married. I do not know what caused her death. She died September 14, 2017. The funeral was brutal. Some days are still brutal. I have found that some things ring true for me from others.

It IS unfair. No matter how we view things it simply is not supposed to be this way. It is very hard to reconcile this for me.

Every breakdown I have had takes me a little farther into my grief but in a healthy way. For example, I was in Home Depot Sunday. The Christmas music got to be. I went home and sobbed for hours. I am okay with this happening. It hurts like crazy but on the other side of it I feel like I am taking another step (may be just an inch) towards a different life.

So far I think about her all the time. I doubt this will change much.

I have to cut this short because I have a meeting. I want to say to give yourself the time you need. Embrace the pain because the more we avoid it the harder the grieving process. This is what I had to do at least.

Love and prayer for you my friend.  

 

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8 hours ago, Perfalcon said:

hank you all for your responses and love. It's nice to know there are people to be able to communicate with who are going through the same things.

Had the funeral yesterday, which ended with a cremation. That was the hardest time so far, knowing physically that her body was no longer on this earth. So much pain and hurt. I'm so thankful for the people around me at this time, though. From tomorrow, I am going to have to stay in the house on my own. I am not looking forward to that.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. As they are for everyone here. This IS so hard!  This unwanted, different life is so inconceivable. Most days, I don't even feel it is doable. There are days I just sit and stare out the window, stare blankly at whatever is on tv or lay in bed staring at the wall, tears running down and wondering about the "whys" of it all.

My husband didn't have a funeral. He didn't want a service of any kind. Even though he told me his wishes, he still had them placed in his will. I respected and honored what he wanted as my final gift to him. He wanted cremation and his ashes spread on special parts of our property.   My husband was always active. He achieved and accomplished many things in his life. All for the good of others. He was a generous, giving person and always remained humble. He wanted to go out without any fanfare. He is very much loved and missed.

I am glad you have others around you at this time. I hope you can rely on them, when you feel alone and lonely, which will be very often. We will be here for you as well.

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I’m so sorry for your loss. Just last week I lost my boyfriend of 10 years ( he was 40) and I am at a loss of how to cope. My friends have been supportive but there is just this gut retching pain that doesn’t seem to go away. 

I hope you find the peace that you deserve.

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Perfalcon I am so sorry to hear.  You have definitely come to the right place.  Vent all you want, we hear you and feel the same things.  People who have not been through it simply don't understand.

KayC I'm glad to see the tips you put here, I really needed to read them as I am having a bad time of it lately myself.

 

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Perfalcon,

I'm glad you made it through the funeral and cremation.  Staying on your own is quite an adjustment.  I talk to my George, all the time.  I'm glad no one can see into my house, they'd probably haul me off!

We "get it", we really do.  Keep coming here.

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On 28/11/2017 at 5:22 PM, Azipod said:

Perfalcon,

It is so difficult to attend a funeral for a loved one, let alone our own partner.  I remember mine vividly.  The day was difficult, but for me it also felt like it was simply a process that I needed to go through.  Even though I was alert, I still felt that I was really just going through the motions because my body had not had the time to process all of the grief yet.   

I am glad that you were able to complete your day yesterday.  Please feel free to come back here and share your thoughts and feelings.  We all understand what you are going through and can do all we can to provide the support.   I do however, feel obligated to tell you that attending the funeral, is really just the initial steps out of thousands that you will begin to go through in this grief journey.   There will be challenging days, with emotions and feelings running wild.   In my personal experience, the first few months were very painful ...  it felt like someone that was twice your size clocking you over and over on the face.    Once I got 4 months into it, things were different.  The pain will still always be there.  But the intensity is not as intense.  Rather than someone punching you repeatedly, now, I feel like i'm walking around, stabbed with a knife inside my body.  It's different.  The intensity of the pain is less, but walking around crippled in some ways, feels worst because the pain is with you 24/7.

 

I am definitely still processing everything. I woke up this morning with an overwhelming feeling of depression and loneliness - am definitely being punched at the moment.

I feel so much for you too - I hope the stabbing seems easier to deal with some days

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On 28/11/2017 at 7:29 PM, Paluka said:

Perfalcon,

There are really no words. I am very sorry you and your wife were robbed of the hopes and dreams for your future. My wife, Lauri, died 5 days after we were married. I do not know what caused her death. She died September 14, 2017. The funeral was brutal. Some days are still brutal. I have found that some things ring true for me from others.

It IS unfair. No matter how we view things it simply is not supposed to be this way. It is very hard to reconcile this for me.

Every breakdown I have had takes me a little farther into my grief but in a healthy way. For example, I was in Home Depot Sunday. The Christmas music got to be. I went home and sobbed for hours. I am okay with this happening. It hurts like crazy but on the other side of it I feel like I am taking another step (may be just an inch) towards a different life.

So far I think about her all the time. I doubt this will change much.

I have to cut this short because I have a meeting. I want to say to give yourself the time you need. Embrace the pain because the more we avoid it the harder the grieving process. This is what I had to do at least.

Love and prayer for you my friend.  

 

Wow, 5 days does sound extremely unfair. It was because my wife, Catherine, was diagnosed with cancer that we got married when we did, a month and a half before her death - I was originally going to propose next week. I'm glad, as I'm sure you are, that we were able to spend some of our lives' married but wish it was for much longer. 

Thanks for the advice of embracing the pain, because I try and actively avoid it at the moment. 

Sending love to you, my friend

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44 minutes ago, Perfalcon said:

I am definitely still processing everything. I woke up this morning with an overwhelming feeling of depression and loneliness - am definitely being punched at the moment.

I feel so much for you too - I hope the stabbing seems easier to deal with some days

I'm so sorry that we have to go through this.  It kills me every time I see a new member on this forum because I know how difficult each day is.  Emptiness, loneliness, depression, sadness, are all emotions that we will get on a varying degree as we go through this journey.   For example, even when I say sadness, I've learned by experience that there are so many layers of sadness.   Being sad today may be a different type of sadness that I will feel tomorrow.   All of these varied and changing feelings are very taxing on the body.  As time goes on, we will start to adjust and learn about our inner self and the emotions and the feelings it generates.  I am still learning today.  But at some point, you soon realize that every day is going to be a surprise and you just get somewhat accustomed to go along on the ride.   It doesn't get easier.  We are just more aware of our feelings.   There is nothing easy about this.  It's probably the saddest part about living life --- if you can call it living.

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On 29/11/2017 at 1:56 AM, KMB said:

My thoughts and prayers are with you. As they are for everyone here. This IS so hard!  This unwanted, different life is so inconceivable. Most days, I don't even feel it is doable. There are days I just sit and stare out the window, stare blankly at whatever is on tv or lay in bed staring at the wall, tears running down and wondering about the "whys" of it all.

My husband didn't have a funeral. He didn't want a service of any kind. Even though he told me his wishes, he still had them placed in his will. I respected and honored what he wanted as my final gift to him. He wanted cremation and his ashes spread on special parts of our property.   My husband was always active. He achieved and accomplished many things in his life. All for the good of others. He was a generous, giving person and always remained humble. He wanted to go out without any fanfare. He is very much loved and missed.

I am glad you have others around you at this time. I hope you can rely on them, when you feel alone and lonely, which will be very often. We will be here for you as well.

Thank you. My thoughts and love are with you too. I experienced the loneliness massively this morning. I just laid in bed, staring, as you describe. I think it is impossible not to ask 'why?'

Your husband sounds like an amazing person.  My wife worked to alleviate suffering of others, and remained humble throughout. She is also very loved and missed.

I hope you have people you can rely on too. I am among the people who are here for you on this site. Take care.

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