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New to online grief support


cheryl1000

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My husband of 35 years died unexpectantly 6 months ago. Then, also unexpectantly, our youngest son died 7 weeks later. I went to a therapist a few times,  went to a support group a few times,  but didn't find either very helpful, so thought I would give this a try. With the holidays approaching I find myself on edge, still in shock that half of my family is gone. I have closed-off rooms filled with their belongings, can't bear to look at them.I won't decorate, can't get out the decorations that my husband and son got out each year. I go back and forth,  one minute I miss my husband, we did everything together, my protector, my soulmate.  The next minute my heart further rips as I try to absorb the fact that my son, my precious boy, is also gone. I will never see him marry, never see him reach full adulthood. I stay busy maintaining our home, but confine myself to my bedroom. The family room is off-limits, one couch was my husband's, the other my son's. They are empty,  seemingly sacred. How long can I go on with such a heavy heart? Project after project, like the stupid hamster in the wheel I keep going around, yet going nowhere. When I stop spinning, nothing has changed. I am heartbroken, feel as if all I have done over the decades to create a family, has been shattered. I go to work, put on a fake smile, come home exhausted, drained from the effort it takes to merely function. I feel so dead inside. I'm no stranger to grief, lost my dad and sister within months of each other 7 years ago. But this has left me destroyed 

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