Recently lost my mom

[Saraskelton]

My name's Sara I'm from Oregon, I am 30 and married 

I recently lost my mother very suddenly on November 7th 2017. It was very hard for me and my family to watch her in the ICU and in the end take her last breaths. Honestly it's  been really really hard for me since I've been taking care of her since I was 18, my life was my mom my mom was my best friend and my life. My siblings are handling it fairly well but for me it's different in the way that I spent more time with her and took care of her we were very close. She passed away from small cell carcinoma  Lung Cancer that we were oblivious to since she never wanted to take a chest xray when the doctor asked. sometimes I wish I would have made her we could have caught it sooner, she was sick with pneumonia since last month and no matter what steroids or antibiotics her primary doctor gave her she didn't get well, on top of that she was taking blood thinners which I think didn't help the issue it made it to where her platelets were non existent her blood was not clotting like it should and after being sick with pneumonia the doctor was concerned of any little cut could make her bleed out she was told to go to the hospital and be admitted, tha ts when they took the xray and ct scan and found the masses and the reason why she wasn't kicking the pneumonia when she was admitted they ran tests Her pneumonia turned into septic shock and she was put on a ventilator the next morning because her oxygen kept going down to The point where she couldn't breathe on her own. In a span of five days things happened so suddenly she passed away after we decided as a family to put her on comfort care and remove the ventilator after the doctors tried everything to fix the scepsis so that she could fight the cancer but the cancer fought back with anything they tried. It's honestly feel so lost now I just honestly it's been really hard. I dont know if ill really ever get over her being gone I know she would want me to be happy and move on but right now I don't see it. And with the holidays coming up it's really hard for me to even think about really celebrating Thanksgiving was her holiday.

[PatriciaEileen]

Hi Sara - Sorry about the loss of your mom. Your story is just like mine in that I was very close to my mom, and for the last five years her caretaker and she lived in my home. She also passed away in the ICU after emergency open heart surgery. She had CAD and went into heart failure which caused an acute heart attack. After surgery they had her on every machine possible and for three days she never got better, just got worse and was basically on life support. Due to all the tubes running around her abdomen up through her chest it caused her bowels to collapse which was the end of the road. The doctor's removed her from life support Friday evening 11/17/17 while some family and her best friend were there to see her last breath. I was there holding her hand as she passed away and my sister was holding her other hand. I don't know how to process this, I am numb. I want to drive far away from everything and everyone one minute, then sit and cry and hug someone the next minute. As with your mom, Thanksgiving was my mom's holiday. She loved cooking for a lot of people. I lost my dad just 11 months ago three days before Christmas, and now this year my mom is gone a week before Thanksgiving.

The sadness and loneliness is overwhelming at times. I'm so used to coming home from work and yelling up the stairs "hey mom, I'm home" and then immediately walking up the steps to see her and ask how her day was while I was working.

I really don't have anything wise to tell you, just share my story so you know you're not alone.

[Saraskelton]

54 minutes ago, PatriciaEileen said:

Hi Sara - Sorry about the loss of your mom. Your story is just like mine in that I was very close to my mom, and for the last five years her caretaker and she lived in my home. She also passed away in the ICU after emergency open heart surgery. She had CAD and went into heart failure which caused an acute heart attack. After surgery they had her on every machine possible and for three days she never got better, just got worse and was basically on life support. Due to all the tubes running around her abdomen up through her chest it caused her bowels to collapse which was the end of the road. The doctor's removed her from life support Friday evening 11/17/17 while some family and her best friend were there to see her last breath. I was there holding her hand as she passed away and my sister was holding her other hand. I don't know how to process this, I am numb. I want to drive far away from everything and everyone one minute, then sit and cry and hug someone the next minute. As with your mom, Thanksgiving was my mom's holiday. She loved cooking for a lot of people. I lost my dad just 11 months ago three days before Christmas, and now this year my mom is gone a week before Thanksgiving.

The sadness and loneliness is overwhelming at times. I'm so used to coming home from work and yelling up the stairs "hey mom, I'm home" and then immediately walking up the steps to see her and ask how her day was while I was working.

I really don't have anything wise to tell you, just share my story so you know you're not alone.

Thank you Patricia, 

My moms name is Patricia : )

I'm so sorry for your loss of you mom it's truly heartbreaking I have no words. 

But it's really comforting to know I'm not alone and someone can understand somewhat of what I am feeling. It's hard for me because my family gets on better then I am and they don't understand fully why it's harder for me to do .im  1 of 8 kids I was the only one who took care of her and saw her vulnerable saw that other side of her where as to everyone else she showed strength there is a side to my mom my siblings never got to see. we were really close honestly, so I just feel lost my husband trys to understand but kinda says the wrong things at the wrong time thinking he's helping when it's not God bless him. I don't like when people say I know how you feel or I know it's hard , when they have both of their parents, it's hard not to say something. I really haven't had a chance to really grieve I planned and took care of the funeral and I'm still in the process of handling her affairs. Most days I don't even want to get up and my family is waiting fo r me to make a decision about the holidays. I feel like I need to get away and at the same time want someone to just say it's ok how can I help you instead of the how are you's

[PatriciaEileen]

1 hour ago, Saraskelton said:

Thank you Patricia, 

My moms name is Patricia : )

I'm so sorry for your loss of you mom it's truly heartbreaking I have no words. 

But it's really comforting to know I'm not alone and someone can understand somewhat of what I am feeling. It's hard for me because my family gets on better then I am and they don't understand fully why it's harder for me to do .im  1 of 8 kids I was the only one who took care of her and saw her vulnerable saw that other side of her where as to everyone else she showed strength there is a side to my mom my siblings never got to see. we were really close honestly, so I just feel lost my husband trys to understand but kinda says the wrong things at the wrong time thinking he's helping when it's not God bless him. I don't like when people say I know how you feel or I know it's hard , when they have both of their parents, it's hard not to say something. I really haven't had a chance to really grieve I planned and took care of the funeral and I'm still in the process of handling her affairs. Most days I don't even want to get up and my family is waiting fo r me to make a decision about the holidays. I feel like I need to get away and at the same time want someone to just say it's ok how can I help you instead of the how are you's

Patricia was my mother's name as well. I used her name Patricia Eileen as my forum name.

I'm the youngest of five and I was also the closest to my mom. Being super close to my mom made my pain deeper when she died, but it's also a blessing because it means we had more time together while she was here and she knew I loved her more than anything. Because we were so close I have no regrets like some adult children do when their parent passes away "I wish I would have called more or said I love you more to mom while she was alive."  That's because we said "I love you" everyday before I walked out of the door to leave for work. I just had another crying breakdown about 30 minutes ago as a matter of fact. I'm not sure when our pain will ease, Sara. I keep on trying to be rational about the natural order of things and parents are supposed to go first, but it doesn't make it any easier.

I'm going to the dr Monday to see if I can get something to help, because I know I can't function like this.

 

 

[Marie0991]

Hi Sara & Patricia,

My name is Sarah, I'm 26, and I recently lost my mom as well. She was diagnosed with kidney cancer in early September of this year and passed away on November 3, 2017. We found out over the course of the two months that her cancer was stage 4 and had spread to her lungs and brain. She felt completely fine up until the last month. The last 4-5 days were horrible but we still thought she would have weeks or months left and she ended up passing away very suddenly. 9 of my family members, including me were there when she passed away. I was holding her one hand and my dad her other. I had taken FMLA leave from work after I found out about her diagnosis because I live out of state. I was able to spend everyday of the last month and a half of her life with her. I will always cherish those memories and will never have anything to regret. She told me I was a godsend and she didn't know what she would do if I wasn't there. I am so glad I got to have that time with her and show her how much I cared. I don't think I have processed her death at all. I feel completely numb and it seems surreal. After the first 3 days after she passed away I haven't cried much. My brain isn't allowing me to concentrate on it or process it. I want to start grieving and not being in this stage of numbness and denial. I just can't believe it happened.

[Saraskelton]

5 hours ago, Marie0991 said:

Hi Sara & Patricia,

My name is Sarah, I'm 26, and I recently lost my mom as well. She was diagnosed with kidney cancer in early September of this year and passed away on November 3, 2017. We found out over the course of the two months that her cancer was stage 4 and had spread to her lungs and brain. She felt completely fine up until the last month. The last 4-5 days were horrible but we still thought she would have weeks or months left and she ended up passing away very suddenly. 9 of my family members, including me were there when she passed away. I was holding her one hand and my dad her other. I had taken FMLA leave from work after I found out about her diagnosis because I live out of state. I was able to spend everyday of the last month and a half of her life with her. I will always cherish those memories and will never have anything to regret. She told me I was a godsend and she didn't know what she would do if I wasn't there. I am so glad I got to have that time with her and show her how much I cared. I don't think I have processed her death at all. I feel completely numb and it seems surreal. After the first 3 days after she passed away I haven't cried much. My brain isn't allowing me to concentrate on it or process it. I want to start grieving and not being in this stage of numbness and denial. I just can't believe it happened.

Thank you for sharing we all have each other to lean on at this time, I'm so sorry for your loss of you mom it's truly heart breaking to hear you both lost your mom's this month. Honestly I'm in thst same limbo of feeling numb i am able to function but as soon as it has something to do with her or I go into her room its just really gets to me it still feels surreal to me still and i feel absolutely lost. and it happened so suddenly the doctors were hopeful that if she was strong enough mentally ( She was conscous while on the ventilator) she might pull thru and her recovery would be long, we had hope. But the 5 days of her being in ICU their efforts started to back track, and we had many meetings with the doctors and nurses the 4th day and the 5th and final say that they finally told us there wasn't hope. Like your mother my mom was sick with pneumonia but other wise fine and a little weak but I was used tok her being like that, it seems when she got into the ICU is when everything went so fast and her leaving us was all too sudden. 3 generations of kids and grand kids were there with her when she passed. It' really hard for me to process right now what has happened I don' regret being there when she passed but it hasn't left my mind either and idk when I'll be okay or if at all again with the memories I have of her in the hospital. I feel like my break down will come I haven' really grieved her loss it' still hard to even comprehend her not being here. But I'm here for you