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A year on and worse

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My brother got cancer and it quickly turned to terminal. I was to be a stem cell doner but it got too aggressive and he was given 2 weeks. He died 16 days later. He was cremated. On the anniversary a year later when my remaining brother was waiting for biopsy results and needing heart surgery I got a text message and photos of the grave his ashes had been buried in. My sister in law had told me she was going to do this but not when. The shock of it was like he had just died again. I blocked his family’s from contacting.me. Couldn’t cope with it. Then I got a WhatsApp message from his daughter demanding I talk to her mum and that I was rude and lots more. I also got one from my nephew. The thing is two weeks later my youngest brother had heart fixed and cancer removed totally. I do miss my sister in law. She lives 400 miles away and I often took the train. But I could never see her again as her daughters message went too far.  They just thought I was annoyed as they had a private ceremony.

any ideas on what I do now. 

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Dear Flos,

My deepest condolences and sympathies on the passing of your brother. I'm so sorry for your pain and sorrow. I think it is a horrible shock to lose a close relative. We all grieve differently and I know its hard on everyone around us. I hope your niece and nephew will try and understand.

If you can try and write a letter to your sister in law explaining your feelings about what happened. You can even write a letter to your niece and nephew. Try and reach out to them anyway you can. Please don't let misunderstandings and misinformation ruin a family connection. It takes a long time to heal after a loss, but its always good if you can talk things out with them.

I also find these websites helpful. What's Your Grief and the Grief Healing Blog.

Thinking of you and your family.


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