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My mother Passed away early this morning... she was only 49, and had a recent spat with cancer, which contributed to her passing. My mother was my rock, the one I went to for everything, the one who supported me always, the one who helped me through grieving situations like this..... and. Now she’s gone. I’ve felt sick to my stomach all day, been feeling like I would lose it at any moment. I don’t know what to do anymore.. there is a large hole in my heart.... I just don’t know...

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My heart breaks for you, I truly understand what you mean. I lost my mom on September 9th after a short battle with cancer (if you could even call it a battle, she was diagnosed with stage 4 GI cancer and passed away less than 3 weeks later). Losing my mom has been the hardest thing I have ever been through. Like your relationship, my mom was my rock as well. We talked daily, saw each other weekly, spent every holiday and special occasion together, went on vacation together. She was really my best friend. I miss her every minute of every day. There is this emptiness that I can't even describe. Other friends who have lost their mom say it gets better in time, but right now I'm feeling that way. I pray that you have a strong support system around right now, you will need it. That is what got me through the first days and weeks. Now, two months later, some who were my strongest supports have stepped back into their own lives and it hurts. I feel lonely all the time, even though I have people around me daily. I have to continuously remind myself that my mom would want me to be strong, to live life, to be happy. I feel her presence around me daily, there are signs everywhere. Look for them. I still talk to her, it helps. I think about her, laugh about her, look at pictures of her...these are all things that help me keep her alive within me. You will be in my prayers, especially prayers for strength during this time. 

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Dear dakotawb34 & TinaM,

I'm so sorry for your losses.  I'm much further down the line then both of you, almost 10 months now.  I know how you both feel as I too was extremely close to my mom.  She was my everything.  I too spoke to her daily even though I didn't live in the same country.  I know the emptiness and the hole you both feel.  I wish I could say that it has improved over the months but it hasn't.  Like Tina I also talk to my mom daily, I also light a candle for her next to her picture. I act like she can hear me.  Its very hard.  I don't have any advice because it is hard.  It just is and will be for a long time.  Losing a mother is like losing part of yourself and it takes time to rebuild yourself and your life.   I remind myself that I come from my mom.  You come from your moms.  She is part of us and we carry them around in our blood and genes.  Sorry for your pain and loss.

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On 11/17/2017 at 9:20 PM, dakotawb34 said:

My mother Passed away early this morning... she was only 49, and had a recent spat with cancer, which contributed to her passing. My mother was my rock, the one I went to for everything, the one who supported me always, the one who helped me through grieving situations like this..... and. Now she’s gone. I’ve felt sick to my stomach all day, been feeling like I would lose it at any moment. I don’t know what to do anymore.. there is a large hole in my heart.... I just don’t know...

My mom passed away Friday evening, and it's unbearable. I know nobody in this world will ever love me like my mom did. What to do?

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Take it one day at a time. And be kind to yourself. It's tremendously painful to lose someone so dear. Tomorrow is a year for me since the loss of my very best friend, my mom. We were so close and I've lost a part of me. My mom was briefly ill, but I never ever thought this. It's been devastating and heartbreaking for me. It still doesn't feel real and I still wish it was not. I wasn't able to look ahead during this year because it was all so overwhelming. So I could only take it a day at a time. I can't even believe it's been a year. It's still very painful and I long for my mom, but I guess I do carry it differently now. You may benefit from a grief group for the extra support. In the US, there's a program called Grief Share www.griefshare.org. Take it one day at a time and express your grief and emotions in as healthy a way as you can.  Take care of yourselves. 

Hoping for your comfort, strength and peace. 

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Dear Whit B,

I'm sorry for your loss of your mom.  I understand every word you said because I feel the same.  Its 10 months for me.  Its real and yet it doesn't feel real.  It takes such a long time to process and the layers of emotions unfold constantly.  Yes its overwhelming.

Its a more painful day for you today the one year anniversary.   I hope you can honour your mom in a beautiful way today and do whatever you need to do for yourself to be ok.

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On November 21, 2017 at 3:58 AM, sadandlost said:

Dear Whit B,

I'm sorry for your loss of your mom.  I understand every word you said because I feel the same.  Its 10 months for me.  Its real and yet it doesn't feel real.  It takes such a long time to process and the layers of emotions unfold constantly.  Yes its overwhelming.

Its a more painful day for you today the one year anniversary.   I hope you can honour your mom in a beautiful way today and do whatever you need to do for yourself to be ok.

Dear Sadandlost, Thank you for taking the time to reply. I saw your message on the (worst) anniversary and I really appreciated it. It was a tough day, but every kindness helps. Thank you.

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Dear Whit B,

I have been on and off this message board the last year. It was good to see your posts. I am so sorry, I know the first anniversary is very difficult. It was also my father's anniversary in October.  If you can believe it my grandmother passed two days before the one year anniversary. I am trying as you say to maintain a routine and to continue to seek out supports. I am really hoping more time will bring more comfort if at all possible. I still ruminate and long for the past but I know it cannot be.

Take care. Thinking of you.

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On November 28, 2017 at 2:58 PM, reader said:

Dear Whit B,

I have been on and off this message board the last year. It was good to see your posts. I am so sorry, I know the first anniversary is very difficult. It was also my father's anniversary in October.  If you can believe it my grandmother passed two days before the one year anniversary. I am trying as you say to maintain a routine and to continue to seek out supports. I am really hoping more time will bring more comfort if at all possible. I still ruminate and long for the past but I know it cannot be.

Take care. Thinking of you.

Hi there Reader, it's good to see you on here too. Your posts are so sincere and encouraging. They really help me. I read more than I post, and your posts are comforting. 

I am so sorry about the loss of your grandmother.  That's hard to lose someone so significant to you and so close to the anniversary of the loss of your father. It must have been so difficult for you and you should take the time to process each loss. As much time as you need. Sending you prayers. I'm glad you're taking care of yourself and maintaining a routine. I hope it helps to normalize things a bit, as normal as things can be. I also hope you're getting the support you need, because you give so much to others here. 

 My mom's anniversary was very tough, and it's all still hard to believe even a year later. I think such a tremendous loss is just so difficult to process. And, I just really miss my mom. I'm more okay than I was at the beginning but it's painful.  I think maybe the heartbreak remains, and we change.  The pain is there, and yet we're able to continue.  I know you can relate with the loss of your dear father. I too long for the way things were, and long for my mom. That will just be. I'll continue to long for my mom, and also continue. For me, it's by the Lord's grace. 

Thinking of you and praying for your comfort and strength. Continue, one day at a time.  

Best, 

-Whit B

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