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ELiz

First Thanksgiving without Mom

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My mother passing away December 19th of last year. I wish I had known last Thanksgiving would have been my last with her. Christmas came and went. We did things with the kids but I was so lost in my grief. My first reminder of no more holidays with my mother. I didn’t care that Christmas wasn’t special. All I wanted was her. Next week we will be having our first Thanksgiving without her and that hurts badly. She made the best turkey and gravy like no other. I actually remembered the morning she passed away thinking “I never did that turkey recipe from her.” The things you think about after their gone (rolls eyes). I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old and I want to make holidays for them (and my husband). Holidays were always my favorite. Especially the winter ones. Having her pass during the holidays I feel has sucked away all the fun out of them for me. I don’t know how to be happy and not make my family suffer during the holidays by me being depressed by her absence. I know she would want me to be happy. But how can I be?

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I'm in the same boat with my dad, he passed away this April, this will be my first Thanksgiving without him. It'll be hard and it's going to hurt like crazy, I'll be spending the day with my sister and her partner as well as our grandparents (my dad's parents), so all of us will at least have a distraction, but that won't fix it. He was an excellent chef and there's no way we won't all notice the absence of his dishes at the table, he grew all of his own veggies so anything he made using vegetables was always particularly amazing, plus he was the kind of person who never used a recipe, he just grabbed whatever was in the cabinets and made magic. I never bothered to have him teach me how to cook more than a handful of dishes because I've never much enjoyed cooking personally, but right now I really wish I had asked him to teach me because now I'll never get to taste any of his specialties again, not the way he made them at least. So yeah, I'm with you, it's going to be a hard Thanksgiving. 

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@ELiz I know how that feels - All I wanted was her. My mom passed in 2014 and when Christmas was coming up my husband asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said I want my mom. That was truly all I wanted. 

We haven't put up a Christmas tree since her passing. It just doesn't feel the same without her. I loved buying her presents and seeing her face light up. My memories from Christmas 2013 seeing her on the couch, laughing, crying in joy. 
But I can really understand you wanting to make it special for your children. 

Take it one minute at a time. No one can ask you do to more. 

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I with you. I lost my mom on September 9th. She was my rock, my best friend, my everything. I miss her every minute of every day. She was such a daily presence in my life and now she is gone. It hurts. As Thanksgiving gets closer, my anxiety is building. I don't want to face it without her. But I have to. Thanksgiving is at my house every year. My husband does the cooking. We have family coming from out of state this year, which will help some, but it won't ease the pain. My other family members that are close by didn't even ask if they could host or help in any way. It's like they just expect that I will be strong and continue to do what I did, which I really did only for my mom and the kids. My daughter is 12 and my nephew is 16 (he lives with me now, he lived with my mom for the last 10 years so it's like he lost his mom as well). We are all hurting so much. I am praying for strength to get through and I pray the same for everyone who has to face the holidays without their mom or dad. 

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My heart hurts for you, this was also my first thanksgiving without my mom. She passed away last December on the 16th. Although we knew it was coming I had no idea how soon or how much it would change my life. Last year on the day after thanksgiving we arranged for hospice care to start coming out and within a couple weeks she was gone. This was a very hard thanksgiving remembering her and all that we went through just a year ago...and I know the holidays will never be the same. I'm trying to carry on with holiday traditions but it's very challenging at times. 

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