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Cremation after burial


Crmees1

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My father passed away suddenly at 66 from a heart attack two days befor Christmas 2016. His loss has been very difficult to cope with. My siblings and I were very close to him and this was a devastating loss for all of us. It was decided that he would be buried in a Catholic cemetery, as were his wishes. My parents were divorced and he had remarried. On November 15, 2017, my three siblings and I received a text message from his wife that read:

“As you all know ———— hated darkness and closed space.  I had his remains cremated and I will spread his ashes at the beach we so much loved.  If you wish to have some of them, let me know so that I  can save some for you.  
He hated dark places and i know would have never wanted to be in a dark and small space.  
At the time of his untimely death, I did not have any instructions.”

I felt completely gutted! How can this woman take it upon herself to exhume his body and have it cremated without letting his children know?! I don’t want his ashes! I want to be able to visit his grave (which was unmarked for months as we tried unsuccessfully to get a marker for, but since his wife owned the plot, there was nothing that could be done by his children). 

I feel angry, bewildered, sad, and hopeless, but most of all violated. This action has made me relive his burial once again and the thought of having someone remove him from his gravesite and incinerate his remains is not only nauseating but extremely traumatizing. 

I was wondering if anyone has gone through something similar and how you were able to move past such immense pain. 

 

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