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her name was Elizabeth

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I lost my mother one month and two weeks ago, 2 days before her 54th birthday. 
I just turned 27.
She was violently murdered by her ex who refused to leave her house.
We were best friends who travelled together and laughed together.

In the last 2 years, we had never had a bad day with each other.
No matter how much I strayed, I always saw her as my metaphorical candle in the darkness.
Now she's gone I feel so lost and alone.

I'm having trouble coping with the unfairness of this loss.
I haven't slept in weeks and although I sought counselling, I still feel incredibly lonely.
I've gone back to work, but nothing seems to have any meaning anymore. 

I worked as hard as I did to make her proud of me, now I can't find the motivation anymore.
If I knew conclusively there was an afterlife, I think i'd be able to move forward, but now all I want is to be with her again.

I've even started googling how to do it and I'm scared of these thoughts.

Thank you for listening.

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Dear DDN,

My deepest sympathies and condolences on the loss of your cherished and beloved mother. I'm very sorry for your loss. I know the pain is raw.

Try to be kind to yourself. Be gentle. It is hard to understand and accept this terrible loss. None of us want to be in this situation. Please know you are not alone. And we are all here to listen and support you. Remember your friends and family, they care and want to help too.

Sending you love and hugs during this very difficult time.


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I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my mother 3.5 months ago and I went through those empty. lonely, lost feelings you are going through.
3.5 months later and those feelings have subsided. It does get better, not great, but better. The raw emotions soften.
I too did a lot of googling but I googled a different topic. Someone posted a link here to a youtube vid by a buddhist monk on death. I found listening to that monk's talk to be helpful for me.
I can't find the link here but if you are interested, search youtube for something like "ajahn brahm death". He does a number of youtube vids on grief, death, reincarnation.
(My apologies if this offends your religion)

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Dear DDN,

I saw your post when it came up and decided not to reply.  I felt out of my depth.  What would I say?

Firstly I'm so very sorry for your loss.  Loosing a mother is terrible.  I feel like my world has been ripped apart.  I too feel on the edge with loneliness and sadness.  But for you I can't imagine that level of shock by a horrific crime.  It is unimaginable.  Thats why I couldn't reply at first.  I can't imagine the emotions of what would come with that apart from rage but I'm sure it must be so much more and change by the moment.  I really hope you will seek help from someone who specialises in grief & loss from a violent crime because you need help.  I don't think this is a manageable situation on your own.  Time will not make it more tolerable with something like this.  I truly feel for you, please seek professional help.  So sorry for this tragic loss.

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