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I wasn't prepared for how graphic death can be

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I just lost my uncle a few hours ago. 

I was his last remaining relative and so it was my job to be there for him in the end of his life.  He was my last connection to my father who passed away last December.

My Dad's passing was hard but it was peaceful.  The whole family had 5 weeks notice before he passed away.  In reality, we had 4 years to prepare too.  He was awake and conscious to the very end.  He went to sleep and never woke up.  It was peaceful and a blessing.  My Dad was my world.  My strength and protector.  It's been a really hard year without him.  I was starting to get anxious at his upcoming angel year anniversary.  But I was so thankful to have been able to share that time with him and for him to go so peacefully.

My uncle suffered from dementia and was living in a retirement home for the last 3 years.  He stopped eating about a week ago.  They were keeping an eye on him but since I live so far away, they didn't tell me until a few days later.  By the time I got to him, he recognized me but couldn't speak.  He just kept grabbing my hand.  The next day he was barely active.  He wasn't as responsive.  Eyes half open.  Having sleep apena.  I thought that was bad.  Until it got worse and worse for the last 3 days.  Today was bad.  I thought it was incredible cruel to not be able to do anything at all.  He just slowly slowly slowly died.  Each minute he had sleep apena, I hoped this was the last, until it wasn't.  I am incredible shaken up by the experience.  I'm afraid to rest my eyes and go to sleep.  One moment, I'm in shock and feel numb.  The next, I'm crying and shaking and screaming.  I've never experienced death like this before.  It wasn't good.  All the nurses reassure me that he had no pain and he went peacefully.  They've obviously have more experience with death than me.  This was extremely shocking and is going to affect me deeply. 



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I am so very sorry about the loss of your uncle and how difficult it was for you to experience his particular situation. You are right; death can be just horrible to watch. Please try to talk about all of this with your friends and other close people. It may help you to deal with how horrible it was. The nurses know what they are talking about; if they say he wasn't suffering, then he wasn't. 

We will be here with you,


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Dear Dgiirl,

My deepest sympathies and condolences. I'm very sorry for your loss. I don't think any of us can be prepared for those moments. It is so hard. I hope you will consider talking to a therapist or joining a support group. Thinking of you and your family during this difficult time. Sending all my thoughts and prayers.

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